Old Aunt Amy

See?

2009-11-11T10:27:00.001-06:00

Gang Love Round 2
Originally uploaded by Old Aunt Amy.

I've Seen The Light

2008-01-03T14:15:00.000-06:00

I post exponentially more at Tumblr than I ever could at Blogger so after hemming and hawing I've officially moved.

My Official Tumblelog

Yes, I hate "tumblelog" too, but I can post to that thing lickety split and if there's some wordy treatise I need to share with all of you, I'll note it there with a link and make it all kinds of easy for you to come back here without a bookmark. So, if you want daily information, go there. Want some peace to catch up on all my old gems, stay here for a bit and then go over there.

A thousand kisses,
OAA

On Second Thought...

2007-12-19T09:13:00.000-06:00

I think I might have to keep this place for a bit. So, more stuff goes to Tumblr, but deep thoughts that I know all of you are dying to read will remain here. Simpler that way, I think. For now at least.

The Time Has Come

2007-12-18T17:59:00.000-06:00

The walrus said.

And so, at his urging, this humble blog is moving to a NEW! BETTER! FUNNER! place.

The Blog Of Champions or at least the occasional diversion for the 6 of you.

Advertising: Way More Than An Aaron Spelling Workplace Conceit

2007-12-18T14:34:00.000-06:00

Kick it off with a quote that will make you rethink your whole career? Okay. I'll read it.

And perhaps I need to pay a bit more attention to my current job at D&D.

Let It Snow!

2007-12-15T09:34:00.000-06:00

We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand... and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late.
-Marie Beyon Ray

It Is No Measure Of Health To Be Well Adjusted To A Profoundly Sick Society.

2007-12-12T15:27:00.000-06:00

I'm a bit under the weather today. But who could be surprised since the weather has been generally icky. The only hitch in the plan today (sleep, sleep, watch "Arrested Development", sleep) is work. Pray for me, my children, for I'm am on the edge of committing clienticide.

Those People

2007-12-11T14:18:00.000-06:00

I make fun of them while becoming one of them. It's like pod people, but replace the pod with a dishwasher safe insulated mug. So, here's the deal: I love Starbucks.

Hold on there, cowboy. Don't ride off just yet. I have a whole explanation for you.

So, I don't drink coffee. Makes me long for the days of the vomitorium when heaving was socially acceptable. But I love tea. No, sassafrass, I don't go there to pay for hot water and a tea bag. I go there for the grande chai latte. And now I've discovered a new thing that will turn me into one of those stereotypical yuppie Volvo drivers - the incredibly specific order. No longer can I just order the grande chai. Oh no. Now I have to order the grande chai with whole milk, no water, in my red Starbucks cup. (Oh god. Just seeing it all typed out there makes me a little embarrassed.)

And yes, I could get a chai latte from any number of purveyors in my general area. The thing is, they're all too strong. Give me a chai from Hartford Coffee and I'm jittery and jumpy and my tongue's tingly and it's no fun at all. Coffeehouse in Lafayette Square? Move out of the way Condi Rice, I can solve the Mid East peace shit AND walk all the neighborhood dogs while writing the great American novel. Starbucks? Ahhh...utter mediocrity. The perfect blend of milky blandness - pepped up, but comfortably so. (I'm not sure that this admission that I like it because it's blah makes me appear worse or Starbucks.)

But, now I am so addicted to the grande chai with whole, no water, in a personal mug that I have to order it that way. And that's the worst part. It's not that I occasionally treat myself before work in the morning, it's not that I actually GO to Starbucks (everyone has at some point), it's that I have my little pet order that is utterly ridiculous. Fortunately, I'm starting to get to know all the employees at my local and with any luck they will just see me and know that's what I'm after so I don't have to actually utter those words again.

The Definitive List, For Me Anyway

2007-12-04T15:03:00.000-06:00

My Favorite Sad Movie: "Dancer In The Dark"
My Favorite Funny Movie: "Three Amigos"
My Favorite Sad Song: "The Drugs Don't Work" by The Verve
My Favorite Happy Song: "Paper Moon" by Django Reinhardt
My New Favorite David Lynch Project: The Gucci fragrance commercial featuring the 70s and Freja Beha, Natasha Poly, and Raquel Zimmerman

And if you want more, like I did, watch the behind the scenes video. Isn't it so cute that Raquel can't dance? More glitter!

It's Not That I Don't Want To

2007-11-30T17:57:00.000-06:00

Believe me, I love the snacky teen shows as much as the next girl. I was so smitten with "90210" that I used to get together with friends to watch. I was so goofy over "Buffy" that I'd yell at people who dared to call during the show. And now, everyone's obsessed with "Gossip Girl" on ye olde CW, but, frankly, I'm not. Only one lead is beautiful, the fashion is okay, the acting is meh, and the episode I've seen just didn't have any spark to it. So how can I get by in a world where even my favorite Fashionistas just love the thing?

Lunchtime Poll

2007-11-29T14:00:00.000-06:00

So, this is what's called a Lunchtime Poll. Our topic - manners when calling a business. When you call a business do you immediately ask "Is this Laura?" (assuming you're looking for Laura. You could also be looking for Monty or Colin or perchance Steve in which case you would subsitute those names for that of Laura.) of the soul who happens to be on the other end of the line? More direct example, when someone answers the phone with their business name, say, "Arnold Drummond's Goldfish Emporium", and you are looking for their top tank salesman, Chuck, do you respond with, "Hello. May I speak with Chuck?", or do you just utter "Chuck" quizzically?

Please select the letter that best corresponds with your personal style:
A. I ask for the person with whom I wish to speak because I am a rational, and may I add, polite, person.
B. I just blurt out the name of the person with whom I wish to speak because your societal rules do not apply to me. I am a busy, busy person and these full sentences you opt to use are simply wasting my time.

I'm Dreaming Of...

2007-11-21T13:02:00.000-06:00

Mashed potatoes, raking leaves, sleeping in, reading Lovecraft.

Oh, and being thankful.

Muppet Clothes

2007-11-19T10:08:00.000-06:00

I'm looking for a tasteful sweater for the Bug for the chilly winter ahead and all I keep finding are hilarious photos of tiny dogs in strange muppet clothes. As amusing (and occasionally adorable) as that is, these photos are not leading me to warmwear for my dog.

An Open Letter To Work, The Concept

2007-11-14T12:59:00.000-06:00

FUCK OFF.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

2007-11-08T13:24:00.000-06:00

1. Dolphins are still amazing. And Japan can totally go to hell for killing them. (Yes. I said Japan, an entire nation and its population, can go to hell. I also think all sunsets are great and that all whiteys can't dance. And that's the triumverate of wildly insane overgeneralizations for the day.)

2.

3.

My Favorite Emerald Nut Has Passed On

2007-10-31T10:08:00.000-06:00

Farewell, Maxie Dean. May your buildings go condo.

Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh so mellow
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain so yellow
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a young and a callow fellow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow ( follow ) follow ( follow ) follow . . .

Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow ( follow ) follow ( follow ) follow . . .

Deep in December it's nice to remember
Although you know the snow will follow
Deep in December it's nice to remember
Without a hurt, the heart is hollow
Deep in December it's nice to remember
The fire of September that made you mellow
Deep in December our hearts should remember
Then follow ( follow ) follow ( follow ) follow . . .

"The Darjeeling Limited"

2007-10-29T10:20:00.000-06:00

The best part of this movie ends up ditched on a platform.

But, I suppose if I were as wealthy as the characters of Wes Anderson's latest homage to WASPs, I could bid on it.

Fabishubun

2007-10-25T15:51:00.000-05:00

Dumb Donald? Is that you?

Hussein Chalayan's recent holographic fashion show featured some surprisingly wearable looks, this notwithstanding.

(Mushmouth was always myb faboribit. And yes, I occasionally still talk like him around the Sandbox girls.)

There Are Dozens Of Us! DOZENS!

2007-10-24T10:35:00.000-05:00

It's sometimes difficult to be out here in a world of procreators. I am so far not one to take to the idea of bearing a child. The concept that there is a living thing inside of me makes me quite queasy. I have already accidentally dropped my dog and she's been around for a month so imagine a baby in my arms. Gravity has never been my friend, but I have a feeling that with the sleep deprivation and the added financial woes, I'd be branded worse than a British nanny when I take that inevitable spill down our precipitous stairs. And then there's the financial and emotional impact that I'm definitely not prepared to take on.

Now this isn't to say that I don't love babies and the people who have them. They're great. You can dress them in cute clothes. I'm sure the love you thought you were capable of is underwhelming when compared to the love you feel for your child. They are absolutely charming when they're about 3. But I have never felt that urge. Oh sure, when I see the adorable Baby GAP ads I feel a little twinge, but then I remember the pregnancy and the (yikes) delivery and all the rest and I'm snapped back to reality. And I'm not alone. Helen Mirren agrees. Now, although I don't have the mother issues (hi Gwenny!), I do share Ms. Mirren's sentiments and as harsh as it may seem to some, that's the honest truth.

image from The Wit of the Staircase

Covet Commandment

2007-10-19T10:35:00.001-05:00

Stop using the word "covet" in all its forms and start using the phrase "pig-in-a-poke". If I read another blog entry that states "I am coveting (BLANK) right now" I will run someone over with a Segway. The mere thought of that verb causes such revulsion that simply proofing this post is probably going to make me homicidal.

Now although the word and idiom don't seem interchangable, oh contraire! "Although it may be a pig-in-a-poke, I still want that sequinned beret." See? It CAN work! (And that sequinned hat is a pig-in-a-poke, unless you're Rita from "Arrested Development".)

Seriously? Seriously.

2007-10-16T16:20:00.000-05:00

Two great tastes that taste great together - the Dramatic Prairie Dog and "CSI: Miami". An old meme, surely, but it still cracks my shit up.

Does Not Compute

2007-10-10T10:10:00.001-05:00

The Ross Sisters' tribute to, of all things, Solid Potato Salad
For some reason, the blending of potato salad and contortionism doesn't work in my brain. And just wait until you get to the back bend down the wagon...and then the reverse. Solid or not, that potato salad's comin' back up with that move.

First, We Blame All The Women

2007-10-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

Hey Warner Brothers! You can suck it!

These Plaintive Lyrics Bore Me

2007-10-09T21:57:00.000-05:00

We've been rewatching the back seasons of "Alias" which is just as awesome as it was the first time around, but the issue I'm vexed by is the music they use in the lovey or sad Syd scenes is just wretched. I don't remember it being this obnoxious, but dang it's horrific and it's all documented on the official "Alias" site. And just look how angry it's made Jack! He don't go in for no Abra Moore! (Frankly, who does?)

Honestly.

2007-10-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

This is the living end.

Now, you six know that I don't often delve into the lives of the garbage of Hollywood (except my favorite little bit of trash, Miss Lindsay Lohan - Call me Linds! I still have a lot to say to you Little Miss I-Have-A-Gift!), but this whole Britney trainwreck has me interested. Not because I believe she's a good person who's just in need of a little understanding, not because I think she's supremely gifted and just needs to get away from sycophants, but because she seems to just be in such a damn daze 24/7 which amazes me. She's like a zombie with fake hair and giant sunglasses and after I watched this video, I learned some things which I will now elucidate for you:

1. People who take photos of people in a car at the gas station really need to sit down and think about their lives for one hot minute.
2. People who leave the house hoping that these people will take photos of them in a car at a gas station really need to sit down and think about their lives for one hot minute.
3. People whose job it is to take these photos should not be pumping gas for the people that leave the house hoping that they will take photos of them. This somehow breaks down the hierarchy of our society and it makes me confused and slightly angry.
4. Britney Spears needs to learn how to smoke. Seriously. She smokes like a 14-year-old trying to look grown up.
5. I think I just got to the heart of the matter - Britney Spears is a 14-year-old trying to look grown up.

Apocalypse Now

2007-10-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

Douglas referred me to this article and I'm fairly certain that if politicians become the new style icons, I will have no problem with stealing some plutonium and reading a lot of physics books so that I might strategically detonate it in order to save the world of fashion.

10.13.07

2007-10-09T09:28:00.001-05:00

It's the "Arrested Development" party! This Saturday! My house! If you actually know me and actually want to come and you are actually prepared to dress in A.D.-themed costumes, email me and I'll send you all the details. If you don't actually know me, well, enjoy the photo of Buster with balloons.

I Need A Name

2007-10-05T09:51:00.001-05:00

My
Originally uploaded by Old Aunt Amy.

Hello. I now live with OAA and I need a name. I am a girl and I am a miniature dachshund. Won't you please help and give me one? Post your suggestions in the comments!

It's My Goddamn Birthday!

2007-10-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

Unlike others, I LOVE my birthday and anticipate it more than Christmas.

My New Favorite Image

2007-09-25T17:07:00.000-05:00

Man, That Rihanna's A Real Dog

2007-09-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

I mean, just look at her. Terrible. Hit upside the head with the ugly stick, that one. So sad.

(The preceeding message has been paid for by the Committee to Create More Ironic Blog Posts.)

The Deep Questions Finally Answered

2007-09-18T18:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, you six, I didn't think I was going to have to do this, but there's some folks out there that need to learn a few things.

1. Is the world flat?
No. The world is round. And if you need proof, read a freakin' book or better yet, ask a goddamn astronaut.

2. What's an astronaut?
That's a scientist who's been up into space - above the clouds and the airplanes and Jesus's fluffy palace - and has actually looked back toward the planet we live on and seen that it is in fact round shaped. Like a ball or a ball gag.

3. Is evolution real?
Yes. Evolution is real. We evolved from other life forms and we keep on evolving, well, most of us do. Some of us, like the doofus on "The View" are actually regressing, but that's okay because there's a thing called "natural selection".

4. What is natural selection?
Contrary to popular belief, this is not when you select your case of Natural Light. Natural selection is why the Darwin Awards were invented. It means that the fittest - both physically and mentally - will survive and the genetic makeup of those that don't measure up will be eliminated. And frankly, it can't happen soon enough.

5. Where is the island we can banish all the religious fools to so we can go on about our lives of thinking and ensmartening?
I wish I knew, children. I wish I knew.

What You Never Want To Hear

2007-09-18T15:26:00.000-05:00

"It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with (your name here). We believe (your name here) is enormously talented and has made (your recent accomplishment here). But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish (your name here) the best."

Britney Gets Fired (via A Socialite's Life)

Try As You Might

2007-09-18T15:23:00.000-05:00

That Jennifer Garner will win you over every time.

Updates, Get Your Updates Here

2007-09-18T12:58:00.000-05:00

Things I've Learned:

I am constantly typing the address for this site as "flogger.com". Fortunately, I catch it before I end up in some virtual S&M dungeon.

I do not have viral meningitis although it definitely seemed like I did. I even had to leave Marty's wedding early because I felt dead. But, apparently sleeping for 22 out of 48 hours will kill any disease you may have. Try it. You'll see.

I am in love with Campbell's Soup At Hand Creamy Tomato. I bought two the other day at Target and I'm thinking about having the second one in a few minutes...after I finish the first one. All the goodness of real creamy tomato soup without all the stirring and the stove!

Starbucks is okay with the fact that I don't bring my cup everyday. They agree that if I bring it 90% of the time it's better than bringing it 0% percent of the time. That makes me feel better.

I have Fall Fever. I want to wear all my fall clothes, at the same time, and can't stop staring at garments from J.Crew.

Things That Happened:

As mentioned previously, Prosecutor-to-the-Stars Marty got married. I really, really, really wanted to bring him a fish for his wedding like the one he got me for prom, but thought it might die while they were on their honeymoon. Perhaps later.

We went to The Scottish Arms. Again. Like that's a surprise.

Deke Dickerson was in town and played a delightful little show that kept me up WAY past my bedtime. And I got to see Ian from the old CWE Straub's field trips and Matt & Kim let us sit with them in the cold, cold out-of-doors.

And I guess that's about it. In between there I finished Season 5 of "Gilmore Girls" and am desperate for Season 6, I officially started the countdown to my birthday (14 more days!), started planning the "Arrested Development" post-birthday party, drove to Indianapolis and back for work, ate a shitton of Ranch dressing on a tostada pizza at CPK, hung out with the oldsters at the Little Sisters of the Poor, am gearing up to donate platelets, and did about 1000 other things that really won't matter in the long run.

Oh, I need to call the Bug Lady. And I am in the process of updating Flickr.

My Biggest Fear

2007-09-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

Ebola.

Some people are afraid of ghosts, some are afraid of heights, I'm deathly (no pun intended) afraid of Ebola. Now, sure, I have never eaten bush meat and I've not been anywhere near anyone with it, but the possibility exists, people. And knowing my penchant for contracting the weirdest of the weird diseases, I'm fairly sure I'll get it even though I'm thousands of miles away from the Democratic Republic of Congo. Seriously, what's scarier than bleeding out your orifices until you die? And if you needed more, how 'bout this kick in the pants from Wikipedia?

"Its efficacy as a biological-warfare agent is compromised by its extreme lethality and its quickness: a typical outbreak spreads through a small village or hospital, kills everyone there, and runs out of potential hosts, burning out before it reaches a larger community."

Gee, thanks. So, I won't be attacked by a dirty bomb filled with Ebola, but it will kill everyone in my small village. My small village is fucked.

Oh, SNAP!

2007-09-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

It's on, Roddick. It is so ON! No one calls my faux tennis boyfriend a "robot" and gets away with it! Besides, when's the last time YOU made Anna Wintour smile, Andy?

UPDATE: DOUBLE SNAP for you, Roddick! My faux b.f. got a standing ovation! When's the last time fashion people gave YOU a standing ovation?

Welcome To The World, Baby Henry

2007-09-10T12:11:00.000-05:00

May your every day be filled with light, love, happiness, and all the Slurpees you can drink.

Congratulations to my sweet Wife and her dear husband!

Henry Leo Fritchman
7lbs., 11oz.
19.25"
Ready to bring the awesome.

Abierto/Cerrado

2007-09-10T12:01:00.000-05:00

There's a few litmus tests for models - editorials with high-powered photogs, scoring ads (espeically cosmetics) and covers, and who opens and closes a fashion show. I'm sure there are others - who can eat the least during fashion week, who's the bitchiest, who has the best hair of the season, who has the cutest boyfriend/girlfriend - but these are the measurable ones the public gets to gauge. God bless NY Mag for making it easier for model watchers in that last measurable test.

List of Opens/Closes for Sunday's shows

Fashion So Far

2007-09-07T10:37:00.000-05:00

Although I'm eyeing snappy coats and cashmere, it's Springtime for Fashion (and Germany)! Let's peek in on the RTW, shall we?

Oooh...icy clean at BCBG.

Creepy hollow white eye makeup at Fetherston. And far fewer trapeeze dresses than ever before.

What a feeling, bein's believin'! Herchcovitch has it all, now he's dancing for his life!

Marchesa finally makes clothes I actually like.

While Vena Cava finally makes clothes I actually hate. From elegant lawn party last year to giant cut out cell phones? The hell?

Here's To You, Luciano

2007-09-07T09:39:00.000-05:00

You elephant lover, you.

Adios.

Mass Murderer Learns Love Through The Art of DANCE!

2007-09-05T09:32:00.000-05:00

Prisoners create new masterpiece: "Electric Dreams"
They do lifts! They patriotically wave the flag! They lose flip flops and they JUST! KEEP! DANCING! I absolutely love that dancing has turned hardened criminals around.

Labor Day

2007-09-03T16:33:00.000-05:00

"Labor Day, Labor Day
Schools are closed and pools are open!
Labor Day, all the way!
Do all your shopping...at Wal-Mart."

Music is usually a personal thing - one man's trash ("We Built This City") is another man's treasure (I love "We Built This City") - but a few years ago, there was a scientific poll taken of musical tastes and distastes. Komar & Melamid (see above, with hair) decided to take the list of these attributes and turn them into the most wanted and most unwanted songs. The most wanted features stereotypical attributes like love as the theme and saxophones and it's okay. But the most unwanted song, on the other hand, is a thing of wretched beauty. It combines everything the polled music listeners hated - tubas, accordians, jingles, holiday themes, children singing, opera - into one amazingly long, simultaneously revolting/appealing cacophony of weird. In between long cowboyish "dum da dee duh" interludes and someone surely in a Viking hat caterwauling are little ditties about odd holidays sung by children and all of them end with "do all your shopping...at Wal-Mart!". There's tributes to Veterans' Day, Halloween, Ramadan ("lots of praying with no breakfast!"), and Labor Day which is and forever will be stuck in my head during early September. Should you ever be so curious as to hear this song in its full 25 minute long glory, I will be happy to escort you down to the basement to the two giant Rubbermaid containers filled the with less popular CDs for your digging and eventual listening pleasure. Until then, console yourself by listening to the fodder of these wretched songs:
Richard Harris sings "MacArthur Park"!
the "Tootsie Roll Jingle"!
Captain and Tennille's inexplicable "Muskrat Love"!

Rotten Youth Of America

2007-08-30T16:01:00.000-05:00

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana

Darlings born in the 80s,

We already lived through the decade of your birth and I remember it vividly and despite what ol' George says up there, I think we have the power to change things. You can put away the neon and the tight tees and the acid washed (yes, there's a wee revival trying to bring that frightening tidbit back to life) and the bubble skirts and the jellies and the rubber bracelets and all the other business we previously lived through. We're not going back. We will not repeat those trends that we successfully avoided when they were new. And heavens to Mr. T, we sure as shit aren't going to buy the Units-esque "belt" that a certain retail icon is trying to foist upon us. We remember those baggy cotton prisons we bought into long ago. We even remember the color scheme - green tee, navy leggings, magenta "belt" - and how we had waited as patient as could be just so we wouldn't have to wait in line on a busy Saturday to purchase them. Yes, we waited in line for this, lambs, and let me tell you, if I knew then what I know now, I would have saved the cash, put it into a CD or something so that at this point the money would have replicated itself and I could take that cash and buy something that might last like a McQueen bag or, say, this. (Yes, I know it's Marc Jacobs. Shut up.) So, put down the block lettered tees, drop the stirrup pants, and burn the jazz shoes because if we start repeating these fashion travesties, we're just a wee hop, skip, and jump from bustles and frankly, my ass doesn't need any help in that arena.

Love,
OAA

Back To School

2007-08-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

I'm going with sort of a blog design loose leaf thing these days. Not sure if it will stick. I'm feeling the need for a more wide-spread change.

The World Needs Dreamers

2007-08-29T11:14:00.000-05:00

I think I know what you've been going through, man, cos I've been through some heavy shit myself. If you feel alone, like nobody in the world cares and nobody in the fucking world gives a shit, then I'm here...

(Bob Mapplethorpe from "Bottle Rocket")

Danielle, This One's For You

2007-08-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

from The Onion's A.V. Club

Joe Versus The Volcano (1990)
What it tries to do: Joe Versus The Volcano could be called the original Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan romantic comedy, except that romantic comedies are never brave enough to try something this strange and enchanting. Writer-director John Patrick Shanley attempts to top the whimsical magic of his Moonstruck script with wild flights of fancy, leading Hanks and Ryan (who plays three roles) to a tropical island where the Polynesian-Jewish natives (led by Abe Vigoda!) love orange soda.

Why it failed: Clearly not everyone was enchanted: The New York Times, for one, tagged it as the flattest comedy since Howard The Duck, and other reviews weren't much kinder. Sandwiched between Punchline, The 'Burbs, Turner & Hooch, and Bonfire Of The Vanities, Joe Versus The Volcano appeared during Hanks' biggest losing streak since early in his career, and for all the film's loveable eccentricities, it tends to get lumped in there for posterity.

Why it's worth seeing: If it works on you, the film conveys nothing less than the joy of being alive—it openly fantasizes about breaking the shackles of the workaday world and finding adventure, romance, and beauty that exist beyond the suck-suck-sucking of florescent lights. And only the stone-hearted can avoid being touched by Hanks adrift on the ocean, facing dehydration and certain death, merrily strumming a song on his ukulele without a care in the world.

Maps. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

2007-08-26T13:38:00.000-05:00

Brilliant blog of maps of all sorts.

Notes On A Scandal

2007-08-26T11:51:00.000-05:00

The scandal being that I haven't updated in over 10 days. Well, I'm sure you 6 have just been off enjoying the end of summer in your own special ways and haven't cared a lick. Which is as it should be. So, in order to keep you abreast of the activities and thoughts, I thought I'd just make one of those handy list posts so you can get back to your vodka-filled watermelons and your Slip 'n' Slides. So, here goes:

1. Went to the Montel Williams winery. I contend that this is the best winery in MO wine country because it has a fantastic view, it's never as crowded as the more well known joints, they have super yummy food, and I get to say "Mountain, get out of my way!" frequently in tribute to Montel's autobiography.

2. Droob came over to help me manage my iTunes, a task I had tried for hours to manage myself last weekend. Needless to say, whereas I was stumped at every turn (how did my current iTunes get on the external drive when I never put it there to begin with?), Drew was a few clicks away from solving the problem and entertained us during downloads with YouTube videos. I am a simpleton, but I am a simpleton with smart friends.

3. Kelly Sue and Matt were in for the day yesterday to sign their books and we popped in to drop off baby/mommy gifts and briefly visit. Our time together was all too brief, but it's always wonderful to see those two precious darlings (and the third soon to arrive!). Plus, I got to meet Steven Sanders! Plus, we got a great idea for the new friend soon to arrive!

4. Had a lovely time at The Oscar Party last night. There was a dining cage! A swimming pool! A vindictive hot tub! A non-functioning, yet highly distracting gas fire pit! And, of course, there was a set of the most comfy outdoor furniture ever made! Also, there was cheese for miles, lots of funny time, and Matt Ohlendorf so who could ask for more?

5. Had my 4th French lesson with Fanny! Comme d'habitude, when she speaks I pick up about 1/2 of what she's saying, but it's definitely fun and I'm definitely getting better with my pronunciation. After I get paid, I'm going to pick up some of these so I can practice a wee bit and, well, since the September issues will be out then, I might as well get this too. She's going on vacation for 2 weeks so it will be awhile before the next one but hopefully it will be just as raucous. Mon dieu! We were told by a cop to keep our volume down! How fantastique! Mon singe a les ruches!

And that's the highlights, lambs. Until next time, enjoy a BBQ'd tofu dog and think of me!

I Have All These Thoughts And I'm Pretty Sure They All Contradict Each Other

2007-08-14T17:12:00.000-05:00

I'm trapped in a "Gilmore" cycle and I was thinking that all I watch these days are DVDs of the shows I love. Which is fine. No prob there. If my hardest decision of the night is "The Venture Brothers" or "Arrested Development", well, I'm sitting in that proverbial catbird seat (what the hell does that mean anyway?). But, although those choices are far from painful, it's gotten me thinking that I might need to buy more of these TV DVDs as I think I'm wearing out "The Venture Brothers" and "Arrested Development". I was trying to make a mental list today of the shows I need to adopt and care for and overwatch for years to come and it dawned on me that I've zero in the way of "Buffy". And I even wrote a whole real published article about how much I loved the show. So, as the money pot drains, my brain dreams of ordering this.

Oh, silly brain.

The Wit Of The Staircase

2007-08-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

There was a blog that I loved reading for the insights and for the photos. It was more than just strange observations or the daily diary of a life sort of blog. It actually explored thoughts and ideas and the photos included were so lovely that I'd usually save them to my hard drive as reminders of pretty things when work or life was getting to be too much.

On a whim today I decided to clean up my countless bookmarks and clicked through to Wit of the Staircase only to discover that the blog's author, Theresa Duncan, had died. That, in and of itself, was shocking - such a vibrant mind filled with beautiful ideas and visions gone and apparently by her own hand. And then I read the Wiki about her only to discover that her partner, Jeremy Blake, had also left the world one week after Theresa.

I have no idea why this had such an impact on me - such an impact that I immediately scurried to Blogger to post about it - but the fact that she posted the day she died is just puzzling. It's such a conundrum that these two people, seemingly so vibrant and alive, would create their own tragic demise that even the euologistic post on her blog didn't seem real. It was almost as if this was all an elaborate ruse and that they were hiding out somewhere far away. I suppose that the oddest element is that in all of her recent posts there seemed to be no hint, no intimation whatsoever, that she was a person on the edge. She posts of fashion, of Kafka, of Kate Moss, and there seemed to be nothing dark or sinister anywhere.

And then I started clicking links and discovered that although she loved perfume and writing, there were things far more sinister in her life and her mind and that paranoia seemed to be a constant companion. How sad that two seemingly amazing people could self-destruct in such a manner. I suppose that now they are free from the terror and confusion they felt although it's certainly left me wondering - if Theresa's entire blog was dedicated to the notion of the wit of the staircase, what would she say now?

Links to discover more:
Theresa herself
The LA Times
And the best from LAist

Married and Shit

2007-08-06T12:14:00.001-05:00

awww
Originally uploaded by treesquirrel.

Jenschuetz and Naz done gone and gots themselves hitched in Key West. And around here we couldn't be happier.

America, I Need You

2007-08-05T22:21:00.000-05:00

Well, frankly, U.K., I need you indirectly. I've got mad love for a certain crisp of yours. It's, well, it's sublime, frankly, and I don't know how you people do it. You really have a gift with the potatoes. I know we make a ton of chips, but you people really did it right. And for all the efforts we've made to duplicate your life/society, we decided to make really shitty snackfoodz as our ultimate bugger off to the Queen. I feel this may have been the worst decision we could have made. So, what's this all about then? I NEED HULA HOOPS! I've looked online for them and christ the shipping is like, uh, $40. The actual foodstuff is only about $10. So, I appeal to you, former colony and current...uh...colony, help me get Hula Hoops. Find them online with relatively inexpensive shipping fees! Brits - stash them in boxes and mail them to me labeled "gift"! Or all 6 of you could fly over there returning with sacks of them, original flavor only, in return for the feeble entertainment I've given you through this humble blog (perhaps the least logical/economical option, but wouldn't you 6 have such fun together?)!

Here's what they look like:

Food Themed Theme Park

2007-07-27T15:26:00.000-05:00

This is my new big money making idea and since I trust all 6 of you so implicitly, I'm going to share it.

FOODLAND
(yes, I know there might be a problem with this name, but it's in its conception phase so gimme a break)

The Pitch:
With obesity sweeping the nation, what better way to celebrate our obsession with cramming things down our gullets than a theme park dedicated to sweet sustenance!?!

The Rides:
Ferris Wheel of Brie
Salt & Pepper Shakers (too easy)
The Noodler
Bumper Carbs (instead of cars, it's little loaves of bread!)
The Salad Spinner (think swings, but in the shape of lettuce, sliced tomatoes, and other salad fixin's!)
Fad Diet Roller Coaster

The Games:
Onion Ring Toss - hook an onion ring on a ketchup bottle and win a prize!
Pie Toss - pie the face of a clown and win a prize!
Bottle Toss - knock the milk bottles over with a stuffed cupcake and win a prize!
The Dunkin' Booth - sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts (guy in doughnut suit falls into a giant cup of coffee)
Martini! - roll giant olives into martini glasses and win a prize!
Wack-A-Souffle - make those souffles fall and win a prize!

BFD

2007-07-25T17:46:00.000-05:00

More to come on the baseball outing last night, but for now, here's a wee anecdote:

(sound of crowd clapping)
JENNIFER (to JULIE): Are we supposed to be clapping?
JULIE (clapping with crowd): Well, the pitcher is leaving the mound so we're clapping because he pitched well.
JENNIFER: BFD! That's his job!
AMY: Yeah! No one claps when I leave work!

Official Judge's Ruling: No clapping for pitchers that leave the mound. They're just doing their damn jobs and make way more than I do.

"I Won't Be Here Next Weekend"

2007-07-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

Henry says. "I've got stale bacon training."

(He really said Steadicam training, but I think training stale bacon sounds far more fun. Although, can bacon go stale?)

Troof.

2007-07-22T12:49:00.000-05:00

From Jon's Dog Blog:

I don't care who you think you are or where you think you came from, everybody at some point in their life has wanted a dog. And I'm pretty sure I know the real reason. The real reason is: Everybody at some point in their life has wanted to have a stuffed animal come to life and be their pal. Tell me I'm wrong and I will laugh and laugh and laugh.

R.I.P. Absurd Hope

2007-07-21T14:30:00.000-05:00

I will always love Steve Martin. And Henry, you'll just have to accept that.

Although my pre-teen adolesence was filled with dreams of rainbows and ice cream and horses and Wil Wheaton, my first real full-on make-out dream involved me and Steve Martin and a bookstore. Swoon. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I've always imagined that like SAnDeE*, Steve would just happen into my place of business and we'd hit it off and he'd ask me to L'Idiot, but in my fantasy, we'd be listening to Enya in the end. So, when I heard this, I guess I was a little wistfully heartbroken. Steve's gone and proposed to another girl.

100 Lies I've Never Told

2007-07-21T12:25:00.000-05:00

A few years ago there was a thing called Delphi Forums that was all the rage with a certain set of my friends, both in person friends and friends I've only known online. We chatted about everything - movies, books, food - and there were a few great things that came out of those forums like "Simple Pleasures Hurley" and some other literary gems contributed by dozens of hilarious people that live all over the world. It was a simple system - one person would come up with a thread and all the forum members would contribute if they had something to say about that thread. And honestly, I checked those forums probably 10 times a day, reading all sorts of thoughts from all sorts of people.

One of those threads was "100 Lies I've Never Told". The idea was to write 100 lies you've never told about yourself and the more outlandish the better. Now some people on these forums were damn funny and I tried my best to keep up with them. Actually, they were brilliantly funny, wickedly witty, and incredibly insane (but in a good way). I posted my 100 and recently found a copy of them. So, now I'll share them with the 6 of you. I hope you enjoy them and Delphiers? Consider this a big shout out to all of you.

100 Lies I've Never Told

1. It used to be "Animal, Vegetable, or Amy". I made them change it because I felt self-conscious.
2. I was originally cast as KITT in "Knight Rider".
3. I'm raising Sea Monkeys in my spinal fluid.
4. The Pope and I get into heated games of Connect Four twice a month.
5. Once, after being angered beyond all limits, I shrunk the majestic broccoli tree into the vegetable we know today so that it might be eternally punished for its earlier wrong doings.
6. I was married to Barry Manilow for three glorious weeks. I called him "Banilow".
7. I fought in nine matches for the WWF as "The Butter Churn".
8. I've been immortalized as a bobblehead.
9. Onions don't make me cry.
10. "JAWS" is based on my life story.
11. My middle name is "Bitchslap".
12. "Oligarchy " is tattooed on the back of my neck.
13. I keep thousands of wolverines as pets.
14. Sometimes, while watching television, I can astral project into Ed Asner.
15. I am the Tooth Fairy.
16. I invented a teleportation device, but it was destroyed by the creators of "Dr. Who".
17. My liver is iron clad.
18. I am impervious to hair pulling.
19. My first job was Executive Assistant to LBJ where I was in charge of the shoe polishing machine.
20. I have smoked shitloads of crack.
21. And lived to tell about it.
22. Eight of the songs of Nick Cave were inspired by my relationship with a fruit bat.
23. I've licked three heads of state.
24. I can unbend pretzels with my mind.
25. It was my idea to almost entirely change the cast on "The Facts of Life".
26. However, I didn't have anything to do with the casting of Geri.
27. I make the patterns for snowflakes.
28. I was the inspiration for Donkey Kong.
29. Scathing articles about my sexual conquests regularly appear in European magazines.
30. I julienne fries.
31. I faked my death in 1984.
32. I invented the art of plate spinning.
33. I told Mr. T to get the mohawk.
34. I dream only of Abraham Lincoln sitting at the top of a short totem pole quietly repeating the lyrics of "Muskrat Love". All other dreams have been concocted to entertain.
35. My feet are way bigger than you think.
36. I am barred from traveling through Indiana thanks to comments made regarding their Daylight Savings Time policy.
37. I use eggplants to transport illicit drugs through the mail.
38. If I sit entirely still, I can pick up Danish radio stations with my eyelashes.
39. My father is Don Knotts.
40. My mom is really Omar Sharif in disguise. My REAL mom is Sandy Duncan.
41. I can hover three inches above any solid surface made entirely of aluminum.
42. I was Zamfir's mentor for four years.
43. Hole puncher? My idea.
44. I had a torrid affair with Cobi, the mascot of the 1992 Barcelona Summer Olympics.
45. I am Danielle Steele.
46. Before that I was the Gorton's Fisherman.
47. Before that I was Sherman Williams, but got sick of all the damn questions.
48. I cry wolf.
49. I hold the highest score ever recorded in Wack-A-Mole.
50. My skull was removed and replaced with layer upon layer of dried Elmer's Glue.
51. I used to work at the UN where I simultaneously translated in hula.
52. My Honda was made entirely of chewed Teaberry gum.
53. All the gum was chewed by Greg Norman and Robert Goulet.
54. On Palm Sunday, I can count cards legally.
55. I am covered in a thick, clear fur that can be seen under black light.
56. I sang the "hmmmmm" at the end of the closing theme song of "Diff'rent Strokes".
57. I was the first person to whimsically refer to Target as "Tar-zhay".
58. I keep angels in my left hand kitchen cabinet next to the Long John Silver's collectible glasses.
59. Fidel Castro and I have a long-running correspondence regarding one thing: the physics of the Thermos.
60. He writes his letters to me on vermicelli noodles.
61. I write his letters on grape seeds.
62. Each night before you fall asleep, I whisper the secrets of the Mayans in your ear.
63. I warned Eric Stoltz.
64. I was Jesse Ventura's Campaign Manager.
65. My first love is sumo wrestling.
66. Right before he went on stage I asked Kennedy, "Yeah, but what can my country do for me?"
67. I killed Erma Bombeck.
68. That is not a lie.
69. I've swum with moose.
70. I've also swum with Meese.
71. I protested until they started calling it Kraft CHEESE and Macaroni.
72. The sky is blue because I said so once.
73. My brother keeps Motley Crüe as his house pets.
74. They wet the floor if left alone for too long.
75. My only source of income is making wreaths for cow necks for Pongal.
76. I've been inside the Popemobile.
77. I can list all 50 states in descending order of Tang consumption.
78. I bought the Leaning Tower of Pisa with tulip bulbs in 1636, just before the tulip market crashed.
79. Cherry Coke comes out of all my faucets when the cold water is turned on.
80. I know where the beef is.
81. I'll tell you if you ask really nicely.
82. I came up with the concept of live bait vending machines.
83. I sleep on a mattress made entirely of devil's food cake.
84. "Keep on truckin'" was the first thing I said as a baby.
85. I named Djibouti, but they fucked up the spelling.
86. Carl Kasell lives in a tiny treasure chest at the foot of my bed.
87. I gave Janis Joplin her first bottle of SoCo.
88. This? Oh, that's nothing.
89. I know every duck joke ever told.
90. I am the girl in that McCurry photograph.
91. My heart is made of saffron.
92. I told Dali to make the Lobster Telephone.
93. Every line I've ever written has made someone, somewhere cry.
94. My real name is Annabel Lee.
95. I have a sixth sense - a sense of urgency.
96. Dale Chihuly gave me his eye a la Van Gogh.
97. I wear it in my hair.
98. I put the kaibosh on parachute pants.
99. I am going to rename all the planets after the Teletubbies next week.
100. I can escape it.

...And Boy Is My Tongue Tired

2007-07-19T16:24:00.000-05:00

I had my first French lesson last night with my new tutor. It's been 14 years since I took my last French class and I was surprised that I remembered quite a bit, but can't recall simple things like the word for "dress" or numbers (I had to count on my fingers and repeat the numbers aloud until I got to the one I wanted). Now certainly the native Frenchwoman teaching me is really in command of the language, but I was rather surprised that she could carry on en francais and I was pretty much understanding what she said with a few "pardons?" tossed in there every now and again. So, although most of my answers are still in English, I'm looking forward to being able to read French Vogue.

And that reminds me...this is the perfect excuse to Carine Roitfeld's monthly fashion bible at Borders now.

Keeping You In The Know

2007-07-17T09:30:00.001-05:00

For those of you that might have missed "Victoria Beckham: Coming To America" last night on NBC, never fear! I watched the entire thing for you and will now present all the best lines uttered by Mrs. Beckham!

• After meeting stereotypical LA women - plastic to the hilt, over the hill, money-centric, crazy bitches - for a luncheon, and hearing one of them do their dolphin impersonation (truly frightening, that) Victoria states: "There's only one way to go here...let's get drunk."

• Quite tongue-in-cheek, she sighs and utters, "It's exhausting being fabulous."

• Upon entering a very tacky house: "It looked like someone with no taste came in and vomited everywhere."

• At a viewing of Lionel Richie's former home currently on the market, our Vic comments on the floors. The realtor tells her they were laid by Lionel himself to which she slyly responds: "Lionel Richie laid the parquet floor.....whilst dancing on the ceiling."

• On Thanksgiving: "They take loads of pretzels, mash 'em up, and shove 'em up turkeys' bums."

• Her assistant informs her that she taking her somewhere to learn how to throw a pitch at a baseball game after Vicky's invited to throw out the first pitch at a Dodgers' game. She follows that up with, "You should probably wear sporty heels."

Want more? (And I know you do.) Then head to NBC.com and watch, you cheeky bastards.

Fashion Round-up: Ye Olde Tidbits

2007-07-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

I know some of you aren't up on the couture scene and that at times my endless rants about Galliano's pencil thin moustache and McQueen's utter genius can be rather dullsville. And so, I give you the best of both worlds - high fashion and cartoons! (See more at Fashionista.com!)

• The title of this article makes me giggle like a wee child.

• I know this dress could only be worn to my goth boyfriend's untimely funeral (aren't they always), but I still want it. And it's on sale. And yes, it's McQueen. (Am I that transparent?)

• Hey Leigh Lezark! The Giles dress you wore for Vogue's on sale too! (I can't find a scan of you in it, but I know you were.)

• And because I wanted to do a whole post about couture, but just couldn't really get into it beyond the Dior, here's the newest look in fashion - the ass fox. You'd think that I might be referring to a 45-year-old oiled down playboy from Milan who prefers the booty to the boobies, but I'm not. Plus, would that guy really be a fox anyway? Regardless...

Imagine turning around and seeing that thing behind you all the time.

You Come At The King, You Best Not Miss

2007-07-15T23:19:00.000-05:00

I don't care whatch'all think. Omar totally steals that show.

Bonne Anniversaire, My Wife

2007-07-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

I hope you enjoy the leopard print Vespa I got you.

Love,
Gabbana

I'd Like To Ace His Deuce, If You Catch My Meaning

2007-07-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

I'm not what you'd call a "sports fan". Certainly I'm KO'd by Olympic fever every couple of years, but to me, that's quite different from the usual weekly fare. First off, I get to brush up on my flags of many nations identification skills and secondly, I get to realize my affinity for things not normally covered like the biathlon the bobsled and thirdly, there's about 1,000 other reasons I love the Olympics, but this is not a post about the Games. Those will come in 2008.

So, yeah, sports. I have never found myself interested in those that end in "ball" - basket, base, foot. They've never been my cup of tea as they seem too repetitive, too slow, too homoerotic. Sure, I had that dalliance with college basketball during the Duke domination years, but let's face it, that's solely because Christian Laettner was such a dreamboat and because I so desperately wanted to go to Duke at the time. Since then, I've occasionally been forced to feign interest in them due to boyfriends or parties or because I'm actually at a game. I think I could like hockey because it's always cool in the arena, but the only parts that interest me are when the teams change lines or they get into a brawl. Other than that, it's too hard for me to see the puck and my attention drifts to people watching.

But there is one sport I've always enjoyed, one I've tried on many occasions to learn, and that sport is tennis. Yes, I do have a crush on Roger Federer, but that's because he's so sublime. He embodies what tennis should mean - manners, good looking in white clothes, grace under pressure. That's tennis. Now, his occasional nemesis, Rafael Nadal is a good player, but he's too aggressive and certainly too much of an ass-picker for my liking (seriously, he tugs at his crack more times per match than he lands aces). Plus, Roger is the portrait of stoic swatting as he never ooogahs like the rest of the players - honestly, do they have to grunt everytime they put racquet to ball? So, why have I never taken up the second favorite sport of Palm Beach? Well, it all started back in the day when my Cranial Gravitational Pull was in full effect.

You see, I have an ailment. One so insidious that all sports took a dark cast - every pop-fly was cause for concern; every lay-up another moment to dodge out of the way; and speaking of "dodge", let's not even begin to discuss the torment wrought in that arena. Cranial Gravitational Pull (CGP) is a disorder in which a cranium, in this case, mine, is gravitationally stronger than the area around it causing all round, airborne objects to be pulled in its direction. Hit in the head with a basketball? Check. Volleyball? Definitely. Softball? You know it. Tennis ball? Got a black eye. So, as a youth, all the rites of passage involving team spirit were lost on me because I was usually way the hell out in left field or warming the bench while those without CGP were off enjoying base hits and whatnot. Now certainly the CGP wasn't the only thing standing in my way. I failed spectacularly at gymnastics (springboarded straight into the vault and still can't do a back walk-over) and there aren't any balls there (no snickering). And, to be truthful, I think I rather enjoyed my ailment's benefits - a nice, stress-free afternoon sitting out in the grass or sitting over on the bench. As I got older, those stress-free afternoons involved sitting next to the cooler of beer so really, is it all that terrible?

Well, when it comes to the tennis court, yes, it is. I desperately want a cute little tennis outfit, my own little racquet bag, maybe even a visor. And all fashion aside, I especially want to lob and volley and backhand and ace like Roger. (Maybe even with Roger, but as I told Henry, it's probably better if I don't learn and can use my "I wouldn't recognize a sports figure if they told me point-blank they pitch for the Cardinals" routine [which isn't so much a routine as general ignorance].) I want to trot out to a close-clipped grass court and swat little white tennis balls like Lucy Honeychurch. And I'm trying. I've gotten myself a really ripping badminton set for the lawn and have at least been able to play moderately well, when I can find an opponent. I've also noticed that at the last baseball game I attended there weren't any line drives headed straight for my sightline. Perhaps, like some allergies, CGP dimishes over the years and I just might end up at 40-love someday. Just don't expect me to be standing in centerfield for your summer league. I'm far too happy over by the beer cooler.

60 Years of Christian Dior

2007-07-03T10:52:00.001-05:00

Well, I think we know by now that I'm not the biggest Galliano fan, which is to say, I do not doubt his ability to create, I just don't always enjoy his vision. Yesterday was the show celebrating the 60th anniversary of the House of Christian Dior and while I see the vision - the harlequin, the sweepingly dramatic dresses, the wasp waisted suit - I just wish he wouldn't turn his models into drag queens.

Seriously. He turned gloriously beautiful Kim Noorda into Lady Bunny with two swooshy eyebrows and a shit-ton of blue shadow. But she wasn't the only one that ended up looking wretched. Linda Evangelista and Naomi Campbell were looking a little worse for wear on the runway and poor Angela Lindvall ended up cast as a fur-trimmed Miss Ellie from "Dallas".

But, all that being said, there were sublime moments like the dress Lily Bart might have worn popping up on Vlada.

And a stunning ensemble that would have been perfect on Lisa Fonssagrives.

The colors were simply astounding. Petal pinks, icy blues, blood reds, café mocha shades that slid into cinnamons, minty greens and lavenders! It was a cavalcade of shades that were absolutely pitch perfect and rendered in not only gloriously crafted gowns, but also in the hair ornaments and jewelry that made me long to be regal or bound for a ball sometime in the future.

And just as I was beginning to think I might be able to get past the model gawking and just focus on the fashion and that I might actually start to like Galliano, it came crashing down when he came out to take his bow.

So, sufficient to say, I'd love to raid his atelier and jewelry box, but I'll be steering quite clear of his makeup table and his personal closet.

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

2007-07-02T16:25:00.001-05:00

before I found the Seal Generator.

Ping-A-Ling

2007-07-02T14:30:00.000-05:00

I just installed a sitemeter on this here deal because, well, I really don't know why but it seemed like everyone else had one so why not? Plus, uh, it's free.

The thing is, I'm a luddite when it comes to this crap and haven't a clue who/what/where/when/why/how people come to my blog save the people that know me (Hey you 6!). Apparently, this here sitemeter can tell you how these people got here beyond thinking, "That OAA, she's really somekindasomethin'. Let's see what she's up to, shall we?" So, how did they get here? Well, they searched for these things:

jami getz (alias for "The Lost Boys" star, obvs.)
gothic arsehole ("A.D." fan or misguided S&M devotee?)
chanice booty (I got nothin'.)
drink your juice shelby (!!!Please tell me you use this as often as I do, person in Georgia!!!)
spanish translation (stunning since the only thing I can do in Spanish is order at Taco Bell and ask for more shoes.)

Also, people are still getting to the OAA via my brother's blog despite the fact that it's been dormant lo these 8 months. So, with all this mania in mind, I'm going to add in some strange word combos that just might get me to come up in strange word combo searches here:

rickets in space
lime carriage
muffintop madness!
transgenerational directives
poodle scroodle
bubble and squeak (real thing, still a strange combo)
scoot hooters
boss of the bedclothes
Margaritaville City Councilman

So, let's see if those get me any pings!

Things, They Happen

2007-06-28T11:59:00.000-05:00

List of things that have happened recently, noteworthy or otherwise.

1. Finished watching season 3 of "Deadwood" and would like to issue the following hearty letter to the folks at HBO:

Dear Folks at HBO,

Please don't consider this a threat, but if you don't make/air/package/deliver to me those "Deadwood" movies you promised, I will come out there, I will determine just which toothbrush is yours, and I will drop said toothbrush into the nearest toilet. I will then replace that toothbrush to its original location and you will be brushing your teeth from then on with toilet-tainted toothbrushes. And that's just the start of my subtle abuse of your persons.

How you could take THIS away from me is unconscionable.

Sincerely,
OAA

2. I just crammed 13 grapes in my mouth. The key to cramming grapes is to invite people who are not prone to fits of the giggles to watch you as inviting others that do just might lead to the Heimlich.

3. Today my client called Abe Vigoda a "sexy bitch". And really, I have to agree.

4. Fletcher: I bet that waterfall at that cave pool is really spectacular right now.

5. Words I need to start using more: boffo, elemental, verve, spelunk, capitulate.

6. I recently finished reading The Glass Castle which was really good but the title constantly reminds me of that boffo episode of "Arrested Development" in which David Cross instructs the Cockney cabbie to take him to "The Gothic Castle" which he hears as "The Gothic Arsehole" which is, in fact, a very gay bar. As a result, The Glass Castle always becomes The Glass Arsehole in my mind. And I picture David Cross in his leather daddy gear.

And that about sums it up.

Look At Him...Sittin' On That Stool Like He's Doin' It A Favor

2007-06-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

The best entire SNL episode ever? Why, I vote April 21st, 1990!

Somewhere, that baby's still on tape just waiting for me to unearth it and share it with the world. But until then, you'll have to tide yourselves over with this audio-challenged vid of one of my favorite sketches featuring host Alec Baldwin and Jan Hooks.

This Is Still One Of My Favorite Pieces Of Advice

2007-06-25T16:44:00.000-05:00

Our copywriter at work told me this story and it's still one of my all-time favorites. He heard this little gem outside on the sidewalk one day while eavesdropping on an older man laying down the knowledge to a younger dude:

"See, you don't need to be carryin' no gun. What you need to do, is carry a snake. Say a guy pulls a gun on you--you throw a snake at him. What's he gonna do? He's gonna run, that's what he'll do. And he'll probably drop the gun. Ya see, there's just some things people is scared of. And snakes is one of 'em."

Truth.

It's Your Turn, America!

2007-06-24T14:29:00.000-05:00

Now's your chance to make a decision that will impact the Abler archives for years to come! Should Henry title his slip sleeve of old birthday party negatives based on the antiquated name given by those not in touch with today's politically correct lifestyle or should he select one that fully illustrates just how far we as a nation have come and select my idea? It's your choice, America! Vote and make your voice heard!
(I cannot guarantee that said party will name said slip sleeve based on the poll's results, but you guys should be used to electoral disappointment by now.)

Amy Tour Of Texas: My Hair Hurts And Keep Your Hands Off My Geegaws!

2007-06-20T15:59:00.000-05:00

So, as some of you may know, I just took a vacation to Texas to visit two lovely girls - both named Amy. This certainly makes for a fun trip as both are Amy Katherines and both are sheer delights and dear friends. Most of the time was spent reminiscing and talking for hours and hours, but since that certainly doesn't make for an interesting blog post, I thought it might be good to share a bit of the exciting aspects of the tour.

BY THE NUMBERS
ONE: photos of Scott Foley spotted in a Ladue High yearbook which naturally makes me 3 degrees away from Jennifer Garner, Michael Jackson sing-a-longs attended, 1,000-year-old tree visited, professional massages received, Zilker Zephyr rides, outdoor showers taken
TWO: "live croaker" flags, laps swum in my beautiful new pool at LASR, deer leaping the fence in Lamar, watches of the Gladys Hardy phone call on "Ellen"
THREE: fire ant bites, overeating occurances, animals that didn't rile my allergies thanks to Singulair
FOUR: "Talladega Nights" lines quoted, Amys involved (hey Budget Rental girl!), pelican photos taken to torment Double E, new friends made (shout out to Holly, Bonner, Rochelle & Jenny!), road trips taken, park visits
FIVE: golden rings (there weren't any good fives)
SIX: times we ran up and down the sidewalk to watch a building dance performance
SEVENTY TWELVE: dolphin spottings at Clarks in Port O'Connor

And I simply have to mention the swoonable food: garden burger combo with lemonade at P.Terrys, vegetarian Frito Pie at Shady Grove, a potatoey thing from Malaga, pecan pie a la mode at Shady Grove, cocktail sauce (on fried shrimp) at Clarks, slap-yo-momma-it's-so-good Indian at The Clay Pit, breakfast tacos & fried green tomatoes at that funny little diner where our server from Club DeVille was working, and a big ol' pile of Mexican consumed in Victoria.

The unfortunate downsides of all this frivolity: TSA taking my dilled green beans (BASTARDS!!), having to leave the Amys

So, that's about it. Need more? Want pictures? Go here!

My Compliments To The Chef

2007-06-20T15:53:00.000-05:00

He cooked up a great Texas vacation for me and soon...very soon...there will be details on said vacation. Until then, I'd like all the obviously deranged who fancy Jude Law and wouldn't hesitate if asked to make out with him to feast their eyes on these specimens illustrating exactly why Mr. Law will never be within 50 feet of me.

Irresponsible.

2007-06-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

After a couple of long weeks at the office, we took a washer break today at lunch. You know, hoosier horseshoes? Anyway, we enjoyed a nice hour (or so) out at Tower Grove Park with some AB products and some fun in the sun. The problem? I got sunburned.

Whoops.

Stealing

2007-06-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

Just like The Wife's list, I'm making a list of 100 favorite things. In order to not be unduly influenced by her list, I've slowly been thinking about these things while completely avoiding her blog. (I'm so succeptible to suggestion!)

Alexander McQueen's Scanners collection
Alice in Wonderland
Animal shows for children
Anthropologie
Antique maps
Aquavit
Audrey Hepburn
Aunt Dan & Lemon
Autumn
Balloons
Bid Me To Live
Birds walking
Blankets
Boats
Brock Samson
Braids
Brunch at Duff's
Carousels
Cheese pizza
Christmas tree smell
"Cinema Paradiso"
Cirque du Soleil
Clouds
Colored file folders
Condiment aisles at grocery stores
Edgar
Eels' "Electro-Shock Blues"
Egg salad
Fashion magazines
Field trips
Fireplaces
Fountain pens
Frank Gehry's carp
Games
Giving compliments
Glasses
Gregory Crewdson
Heartland Cafe in Chicago
High heels
High tea
The House of Mirth
Hula Hoops, the snack
Irish milk
Jaguar E-types
Jake's in Jamaica
Jean Shrimpton
John William Waterhouse's "The Lady of Shalott"
Libraries
Light blue and red
Lily of the Valley
Limeade
Lobster creole
London, England
Lucy Honeychurch
Martini glasses
Mashed potatoes
Maurizio Cattelan's "Bidibidobidiboo"
Medical books
Mix Tapes/CDs
Mosquito nets
Mr. Wayne Loui
My birthday
My grandmother's bedroom set
My iPod
My old wool gabardine J.Crew dress
Old photographs
Older people
Olympic fever
Orangutans
Picnics
Pool toy smell
The porch of the Grand Hotel
Pulp (band, not the noun)
Radiohead's "OK Computer"
Ribbons
Road trips
Roller coasters
Saturn
Saturn's moon Iapetus
Shalom Harlow
Sheldrick Wildlife Trust
Sleeping
Smithwick's
Snowy nights
Sofia Sparkling Wine
Steve Martin
The Sun Also Rises
Swimming
T.S. Eliot
Tangerines
Tea & Sympathy in NYC
Tea sets, especially my ocean creatures set
The Divine Comedy (the band, not the book)
The Scottish Arms
The Standard on Sunset in LA
Tom Collinses
"Twin Peaks"
Waves
Wings
Wood paneled rooms

Great. Now I have to like him.

2007-06-04T12:09:00.000-05:00

Ben Affleck actually makes me wonder if maybe I've been wrong about him all along.

Plus, I watched "The Departed" this weekend and thought Leonardo DiCaprio did a great job in it, although the movie itself is pretty meh. And I also watched "Pride and Prejudice" and found myself really liking Keira Knightley. Not that I really didn't like either of those people, but never found reason to like them. Those performances, however, are making me think that maybe I should start embracing them too.

God. Let's hope Renee Zellweger doesn't pull any humanitarian/good acting stunts soon or I'm done for.

Hey L.A.!

2007-05-31T15:18:00.000-05:00

"Hooch & Daddy-O" will screen at the 2007 MockFest on Saturday, June 2nd @ 1 PM at the Vine Theatre on Hollywood Blvd.

And yes. I will be in it making this exact face.

No One Belongs Here More Than The Ping Pong Stove

2007-05-31T10:34:00.000-05:00

I'll admit it. I only kinda liked Miranda July's film "Me and You and Everyone We Know". But that's only because I only kinda liked some of the characters and in a totally character driven piece, I need to like all the characters or need to really hate at least some of them to make me fully satisfied. And also it moved a little slow for me. Not that I need things to move fast. I actually like things that move a little slow and let you think about what's happening like "Trois Couleurs: Bleu" which definitely moves slow, but in a fulfilling sort of way. Her film just moved slowly because, I don't know, Miranda July was savoring pudding that day or something. Her mind seems to be as random and fluffy as my own so I can see her slowing down to enjoy some butterscotch pudding and thinking that the movie needed to move at that pace. And since she was the director, well, she had that kinda power.

Now she's got a book which has a website which is just grand. I really like it a lot and now I wish I had an old style stove like hers so I could write notes on it. I've got one of those all-burners-no-spoon-rest type stoves which I like a lot but which Tina calls the Ping Pong Stove because it intermittently pops while it's cooking and makes a sound like a really far away ping pong ball being hit in a super slow match. But I like the sound. It's the sound of things warming up and getting ready to be eaten. And I like that it's a slow ping pong stove because, like I said, I'm okay with things moving slowly as long as it's in a fulfilling sort of way.

Racist Bastard

2007-05-29T17:53:00.000-05:00

I doubt the logic behind this statement and would like to thwack Stefano Pilati in the face with one of his over-sized, over-priced handbags. And look at that face! So utterly punchable!
Ban YSL!

His pouty Zoolander face came from here.

Sad Songs They Say sniff So whimper Much (Insert Bawling Here), Part 2

2007-05-25T14:48:00.000-05:00

We already know what #1 is, but today, inspired by Spinner's list of 25, I made a list of my 10. There's more, most certainly, but I've got too much work to do to add another 15.

1. “The Drugs Don’t Work” by The Verve
Holy crap, don’t even get me started or I’ll start crying right here and now. Sad, sad, sad song about someone slowly dying that gets me every time. This is, not doubt about it, the saddest song ever.

2. “I Didn’t Understand” by Elliott Smith
It’s even sadder now that he’s mysteriously dead. Well, the death isn’t a mystery. It’s how he died that’s mysterious. Still, dead depressed person formerly addicted to heroin with a pretty soul who wrote incredible lyrics = sad.

3. “They Can’t Take That Away From Me” by Fred Astaire
Not a song man, more a dance man, but this version of this song is just a sweet and poignant good-bye.

4. “If You Go Away” by Emiliana Torrini
It’s a remake of “Ne Me Quitte Pas” which is sad in and of itself, but this Icelandic sprite has changed the lyrics and made them even more weepy.

5. “Slow Tango” by Jane Siberry
CHRIST this song is sad.

6. “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman
This is a situational thing. It reminds me of the summer after 8th grade when my family went to Hilton Head with my best friend at the time. The song was everywhere and it just calls to mind reading The Scarlet Letter and wondering a lot if Jennifer and I would still be friends after we started high school. It’s also a super sad song about dreams not coming true, incidentally.

7. Untitled song from R.E.M’s Green album
Totally a personal thing. My friend Chris was leaving for the circus (long, long story) and this was on a tape that he made me.

8. “I’ve Seen It All” by Bjork, from the movie “Dancer In The Dark”
If you haven’t seen this movie, up your dose of Thorazine and rent it. You’re going to need those numbing pills just to get through it. I’ve basically forbidden myself from watching it ever again because the last time I saw it I cried so much I used an entire box of Kleenex. I’m not kidding. An. Entire. Box. This song comes when you realize that no matter what happens, Bjork’s character's not coming out of this in a good place.

9. “Dream A Little Dream Of Me” by any number of people
Who knows why I think this song is sad? I just do.

10. “Strange Fruit” by Billie Holiday
Probably the saddest sad song about something I can’t even comprehend that happened less than a lifetime ago. All the other songs about love and loss can’t compare to the sad history this song relates.

Pat McGrath Saved Henry's Job Today

2007-05-22T22:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have very strange, very amusing dreams. This morning was no exception. See, H was up super early yesterday and had an 18 hour long day (and having those previously, they are wretched even without having to fly to and from DFW) so he was rather tired when we finally fell asleep at midnight. He had to get up rather early to be at work at 7:30a and the alarm was set for 6a.

The alarm went off and I, ignorant of time/reality in the morning, returned to sleep which is when I had this dream.

I was at Shalom Harlow's house. And, you know, we were making pies. It was a cute little farmy cottage in Canada and we were talking and generally being friends and rolling dough and had flour on our noses and the usual stuff I do when Shalom asks me over. After a bit of this domesticity, the door bell rings and Pat McGrath, famous makeup artist is there. Shalom squeals and tells me that Pat's going to do our makeup, just 'cuz. Hey, it's a dream, I'm at a supermodel's house making pies. Don't ask why we'd need fresh, professionally applied makeup for this. So, Pat's in, Shalom's first, and the three of us are girl talking. Then, it's my turn and Pat and I are talking lipstick. See, I've been looking for this lipstick that's not quite glossy, not quite matte, in just the right plummy shade of wine. But I can't find it. So, naturally, Pat pulls out a NARS lip palette and in it is the prefect shade in the perfect texture. I'm marveling over it and notice there's all the normal shades in this palette - coral, pale pink, rich red, etc. - and there's a few more odd ones like a pale green. I ask Pat (yes, first name basis) what the green is for, exactly. She tells me to open my mouth wide and she puts a wee bit on her lip brush and applies it way at the back of my mouth on my tonue. I let her do it and when she's done I ask her again, "So, what's the green used for then?" She looks me straight in the eye and says, "So you can open your mouth wider." "Open my mouth wider?" "Yes. So you can tell your boyfriend he's oversleeping."

I woke up, H was oversleeping, it was 7:03a. He basically had ten minutes. Pat saved the day. Thanks, Pat.

Albania!

2007-05-22T22:40:00.001-05:00

After a mention of Albania on "Globe Trekker", I searched for the song from "Cheers" about Albania. First thing I find? Otis' poker blog in which Joey Two-Hands plays a role. I'm not sure how much they reveal their true identities whilst using their poker monkers (uh, Marty? What's yours?) so I won't tell you who they really are, but I will tell you that they are friends that I don't get to see nearly enough and that through them is how I might someday actually come face to face with my old high school crush - Wil Wheaton. (Uh...was I "Amy No Tail" in that weird naming session? I can't recall who was No Tail.)

So, the full lyrics, no thanks to poker boy Otis, are "Albania! Albania! You border on the Adriatic. Your land is mostly mountainous and your chief export is chrome."

Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Vogue

2007-05-22T15:15:00.000-05:00

Should they put a baby in a designer blanket? Probably not. But, as I said on Fashionista.com, if it gets them money, I'm okay with it. I'd rather see a baby in designer blankets than orphaned and starving to death in the wild. And speaking of Sheldrick, don't you need to adopt an orphaned baby elephant today?

Image from Style.com, home of all things Wintour.

The Boat's Leaving, Karl

2007-05-21T17:25:00.000-05:00

With your sanity, as evidenced by this photo op.

Y'see, dahlings, old Karl is now back on the Lohan tip and he's kookoo for kracked out headbands! This time 'round, it's Chanel's Cruise line, which is a real fashion season now, not just something you might book passage on to the Western Caribbean. So, Krazy Karl trotted out all his hottest items and high wattage fans for a fashion show in an airplane hangar. Let's take a peek inside, shall we?

Why there's too-famous-to-be-bothered Elisha Cuthbert! So chic in her purple neck brace, clutching her mismatched purple bag. Remind me, dear readers, what has she done besides that soft-core-porn-next-door film? And speaking of dubious celebs,

the lovely Camilla Belle had a teensy run-in with the gift wrapping department, but like the trooper she is, she made it to Karl's show!

Now I'm not really an Alba fan, nor am I an Alba dissenter, but I must come out and tell you, loves, that she looks simply delighful here considering the dregs with which she was surrounded. The dregs, OAA? Why yes, dears. We haven't even begun to barf over the fashion!

Case in point:

Yes, poodles, that's a man with roller skates 'round his neck with his track jacket tucked into his track pants. It's okay if you need to leave the room to laugh up your lunch. I already did. (Oooh! Perhaps this is Herr Karl's new diet plan! Laughing Up Lunches! He did this intentionally to keep us all from being chubby! Oh, thank you, Bewigged One!)

For the man who has everything already Bedazzled,

The Sequinned Bathrobe.

Lisa Cant totally got screwed on this show. Not only did she have to drag this doggie bag around for one exit, but for her other, she had to wear this:

SWEET CHRIST WHAT IS THAT?!? Those are open-toed shouchy boots! And are those cut-offs worn with Chanel's take on the formal baja? Are the shorts puking up those flaps from their waistline? Words...they fail me.

And you know it's bad when your favorite look was something so matchy-matchy, it makes even your mother a little queasy:

It seems even big-time-fancy-pants-cover-of-Vogue-Gemma-twin Sasha can't figure it out.

Each time I see this photo...and trust me, she's making this face in every one...I hear the "hruwuhhh?" sound Scooby-Doo made.

For more fashion induced bulimia/Chanel Cruise looks, check out Style.com from which all fashion show images emanate.

Speaking Of Maxie Dean...

2007-05-18T23:20:00.000-05:00

Uh, why did no one tell me he was working with Emerald Nuts? Seriously. You 6 are really letting me down.

Check out the awesome Gouletness HERE!

Or, just make your own!

How Movies Have Changed My Life

2007-05-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

I regularly reference movies in everyday conversation. Obscure, strange references that upon mentioning them, should others get my reference, they immediately become my new best friends. I remember when I realized that Matt Fraction knew "Three Amigos" as obsessively as I did and now, I think, should we ever be trapped in a room together, it would eventually devolve into Dusty Bottoms quotes. After quoting "Beetle Juice" today in reference to a spreadsheet I received from a vendor ("this book reads like stereo instructions"), I thought I might make a wee list of some of the lines I've worked into my repetoire, just because. There's one new line in there that I'm going to be working hard to adopt so if I reference lockjaw around you, maybe a thumbs up is in order.

"Three Amigos"
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora?

Pablo: Can I have your watch when you are dead?

El Guapo: It's a sweater!

Sam: Take the Amigos' clothes.

"Steel Magnolias"
M'Lynn: Drink your juice, Shelby.

"Uncle Buck"
Maizy: That's a pretty stupid thing to do during flu season.

U.B.: Oh, the OUTER door...because there's nothing on this one.

U.B.: Maizy, if the object of the game were to get the ball as close to the pins without knocking any of them over, you would be champion of the world.

"Beetle Juice"
Old Barber Bill: He's got hair right down to his goddamned shoulders and he says to me, "Just...just trim it a little."

Betelguese: Stick around, round boy, we're gonna have some laughs.

Delia: Oh look, an indoor outhouse.

Adam: This book reads like stereo instructions.

Receptionist: And let me tell you, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident. (Who, by the way, was played by Carmen from...yes..."Three Amigos".)

Charles: Birdies.

Charles: I had Maxie Dean on the phone.

"One Crazy Summer"
George: CHILI DOG.

"Kicking and Screaming"
Max: Is that a pyjama top?
Otis: No...yes.

Kate: Why's everything gotta be so glum wit'cha? Parkin' spaces, toppings on pizza... (I'm pretty sure that's paraphrased, but that's what stuck.)

Otis: Monkeys, monkeys, Ted, and Alice.

Skippy: COUGARS!

Friedrich: Two grape!

"Donnie Darko"
Crazy Evil Health Teacher: Sometimes I doubt your committment to Sparkle Motion.

"Lone Wolf McQuade"
Dakota: How would you like to bite that in the butt, develop lockjaw, and be dragged to death?

Wow. I've got weird taste in movies.

HAIRCUT DAY!

2007-05-15T13:48:00.000-05:00

It's time for my bi-annual haircut and oooh...there's a lot of debate. Do I go with the Cate, the Reese, or the Kirsten? (And yes, I'm aware that these are all essentially the same cut. For a girl who gets her hair snipped twice in a year, this is obviously a big deal.)

Crazy Religious Day

2007-05-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Jerry Fallwell dies and Cerberus buys Chrysler.

I never would have thought that the three headed hound of hell would do a good job with an auto maker. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Shit Just Got Real

2007-05-10T16:32:00.000-05:00

Seriously, just go see it, wouldja?

Hey You Six

2007-05-10T12:10:00.000-05:00

I'm reading an article in Spread. It's an interview with Kanye West in which he says this:

I was never interested in Picasso or Basquiat. People think it's blasphemous that I don't like Basquiat. But I never liked his work. I like John Currin a lot, who's got a master's level of artistry. I appreciate art that I look at and think, "Damn, I could never do that." ... It's the same with fashion: Handmade or couture stuff, hand-done embroidery, et cetera, people look at it and say, "That's art." The innate sensibility is that things made by hand are art. When things are thrown together in 30 minutes, my sensibility says, "That's not art. That's not what I like." One thing that's great about architecture is that you know manual labor was involved, that people's hands plastered and placed every little thing.

I was so shocked that Kanye West and I agreed on something that I had to share with the six of you. Me and Kanye? I thought we couldn't be more different, but it turns out we're thinking alike on some things. I wonder what he'd think of Balogna Man.

Gala Done Right

2007-05-10T11:17:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering, here's the way to dress for a gala inspired by the works of Poiret.

More Costume Institute Gala!

2007-05-09T14:53:00.000-05:00

Prada had nothing to do with this Danes dress. That was all the work of everyone's favorite heartlight, E.T.

Dr. Venture arrives in his formal bathrobe. And while we're on Urbaniak's doppelgänger, let's talk about his upcoming co-star, Miss Parker Posey.

Or, better yet, let's repeat the old adage "if you have nothing nice to say, come sit by me" (with thanks to "Steel Magnolias" from which I learned all my best lines like "drink your juice, Shelby"). Eh, chuck that. She looks like she was mauled by wolverines. And speaking of wild animals, meet Lapo Elkaan

I have to confess. There are a few images in which Lapo is kinda attractive in a really bitchy, entitled way. And heavens knows palling around with anyone caught with a transsexual whilst high as a kite will make for a fun evening. But this look, although bold as can be, is a little too hollow-eyedey, wrinkly navyey, wide lapelly, velvet loafery lion for me.

Are those racing stripes down the side of Tommy Hilfiger's pants? Is his jacket made from the glossy coat of a jaguar? And is that his gypsy fortune teller predicting he'll come in last in the race for best dressed?

She's just barely keeping that thing up. Or is she inching it down? Hmmm... Either way, if she actually stood up straight I'm 100% sure we'd see boobs.

That's just a damn pillowcase from the Victoria's Secret collection at Sears.

Fashion Round-up: Costume Institute Gala

2007-05-08T17:15:00.000-05:00

Saluting the work of Paul Poiret (and honestly, if you don't know his work, you should definitely look it up), this trotting out of the fashion all-stars (and by that I mean designers and Vogue mag staffers) seems pretty close to that scene in "The Devil Wears Prada" for which Emily starves herself only occasionally eating a cube of cheese. Although I've chosen to focus on some folks you might recognize, they were all there - Grace Coddington and her Queen Lizzy hair line, ALT and some sort of capey parachute, and poor size 6 Sally Singer (you know those catty bitches talk about her behind her back).

So, what the hell are we waiting for? Show us the fashion already!

Here's Cate and the suddenly swoonable Nicolas Ghesquière (honestly, girls, that's dreamy although utterly unattainable...so, uh, boys?). Cate looks a wee bit spooked in this photo, but it's probably because she's dressed like the Leg Lamp from "A Christmas Story"'s Tribute To Oscar. I'm also not a fan of the fact that her hair is the reverse of her dress. It messes with the line.

Socialite Fabiola Beracasa, she of the Tinsley Mortimer clique, reminds me of a...well...

And now, to a wine tasting. More tomorrow.

Isabella Blow Shakes Off This Mortal Coil

2007-05-08T09:54:00.000-05:00

Fashion icon Isabella Blow has passed on. I may not have liked her every look, but she was most definitely an original spirit in the world of fashion and she most certainly helped my dear Alexander come to power and for that I am forever grateful. Farewell, Isabella. We tip our Treacys to you.

Fly Away Money

2007-05-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Wallet,

I fully understand that the Caboose requires my disposable income and that you are often exhausted, but please, just this once, can I splurge on something utterly irrational? Yes, yes, that BCBG dress was certainly an indulgence of the first order and I should be happy that you were there for me as I went through my Marie Antoinette phase (which is not over, I might add), but I reeeeeeally want this DVD:

Noot's in it, for pity's sake. It's not like I'm asking for much. After all, it's only $45.

So, think about it and get back to me. I know this is a one-way relationship, with me always taking, but I did just clean out all those old receipts so you'd be thin and pretty again. That's got to be worth something, no?

L,
OAA

(or we could always get this new book about Nancy Cunard. Your choice, really.)

Muzak

2007-04-29T21:45:00.000-05:00

I'm in a rut. I am in need of new music, but since I can't remember what I want when I'm ready to buy, I'm making a list (shout out to Nikol & Kelly Sue, the Queens of the List) right here on ye olde blogger. Do add your suggestions below in ye olde comment section.

Jenny Owen Youngs
Amy Winehouse
Marie Antoinette Soundtrack
The Radio Department
Klaxons
Ray LaMontagne
Django Reinhardt
Yves Montand
Sol Seppy
Emily Haines
Pink Martini (seriously, get on this)

File Under: Our Amazing World

2007-04-26T16:28:00.000-05:00

Giant crystals found in blast furnace cave.

The world is far more incredible than we can comprehend and beings far more conscious of its power and beauty should have inherited it. We seem to just be intent on trashing the place.

Scattered PICtures

2007-04-24T17:13:00.000-05:00

of the smiles we left behind. Misty watercolor mem'ries of the way we were now updated on Flickr.

(I really wanted a shot of Tom Hanks on the phone in "Big", but searching for "big" on Google yields some rather sketchy results.)

Our State, In A Broad Sense

2007-04-20T16:28:00.000-05:00

Dropping Knowledge

How is it that after all this time I just now heard of this and yet I know that earlier in the week Britney and her dad threw down in some spate over who's to blame for her recent mania?

The state of the world is slightly off-kilter.