It's Not That I Don't Want To

Believe me, I love the snacky teen shows as much as the next girl. I was so smitten with "90210" that I used to get together with friends to watch. I was so goofy over "Buffy" that I'd yell at people who dared to call during the show. And now, everyone's obsessed with "Gossip Girl" on ye olde CW, but, frankly, I'm not. Only one lead is beautiful, the fashion is okay, the acting is meh, and the episode I've seen just didn't have any spark to it. So how can I get by in a world where even my favorite Fashionistas just love the thing?

These Plaintive Lyrics Bore Me

We've been rewatching the back seasons of "Alias" which is just as awesome as it was the first time around, but the issue I'm vexed by is the music they use in the lovey or sad Syd scenes is just wretched. I don't remember it being this obnoxious, but dang it's horrific and it's all documented on the official "Alias" site. And just look how angry it's made Jack! He don't go in for no Abra Moore! (Frankly, who does?)

I Have All These Thoughts And I'm Pretty Sure They All Contradict Each Other

I'm trapped in a "Gilmore" cycle and I was thinking that all I watch these days are DVDs of the shows I love. Which is fine. No prob there. If my hardest decision of the night is "The Venture Brothers" or "Arrested Development", well, I'm sitting in that proverbial catbird seat (what the hell does that mean anyway?). But, although those choices are far from painful, it's gotten me thinking that I might need to buy more of these TV DVDs as I think I'm wearing out "The Venture Brothers" and "Arrested Development". I was trying to make a mental list today of the shows I need to adopt and care for and overwatch for years to come and it dawned on me that I've zero in the way of "Buffy". And I even wrote a whole real published article about how much I loved the show. So, as the money pot drains, my brain dreams of ordering this.

Oh, silly brain.

Keeping You In The Know

For those of you that might have missed "Victoria Beckham: Coming To America" last night on NBC, never fear! I watched the entire thing for you and will now present all the best lines uttered by Mrs. Beckham!

• After meeting stereotypical LA women - plastic to the hilt, over the hill, money-centric, crazy bitches - for a luncheon, and hearing one of them do their dolphin impersonation (truly frightening, that) Victoria states: "There's only one way to go here...let's get drunk."

• Quite tongue-in-cheek, she sighs and utters, "It's exhausting being fabulous."

• Upon entering a very tacky house: "It looked like someone with no taste came in and vomited everywhere."

• At a viewing of Lionel Richie's former home currently on the market, our Vic comments on the floors. The realtor tells her they were laid by Lionel himself to which she slyly responds: "Lionel Richie laid the parquet floor.....whilst dancing on the ceiling."

• On Thanksgiving: "They take loads of pretzels, mash 'em up, and shove 'em up turkeys' bums."

• Her assistant informs her that she taking her somewhere to learn how to throw a pitch at a baseball game after Vicky's invited to throw out the first pitch at a Dodgers' game. She follows that up with, "You should probably wear sporty heels."

Want more? (And I know you do.) Then head to NBC.com and watch, you cheeky bastards.

You Come At The King, You Best Not Miss

I don't care whatch'all think. Omar totally steals that show.

Things, They Happen

List of things that have happened recently, noteworthy or otherwise.

1. Finished watching season 3 of "Deadwood" and would like to issue the following hearty letter to the folks at HBO:

Dear Folks at HBO,

Please don't consider this a threat, but if you don't make/air/package/deliver to me those "Deadwood" movies you promised, I will come out there, I will determine just which toothbrush is yours, and I will drop said toothbrush into the nearest toilet. I will then replace that toothbrush to its original location and you will be brushing your teeth from then on with toilet-tainted toothbrushes. And that's just the start of my subtle abuse of your persons.

How you could take THIS away from me is unconscionable.

Sincerely,
OAA

2. I just crammed 13 grapes in my mouth. The key to cramming grapes is to invite people who are not prone to fits of the giggles to watch you as inviting others that do just might lead to the Heimlich.

3. Today my client called Abe Vigoda a "sexy bitch". And really, I have to agree.

4. Fletcher: I bet that waterfall at that cave pool is really spectacular right now.

5. Words I need to start using more: boffo, elemental, verve, spelunk, capitulate.

6. I recently finished reading The Glass Castle which was really good but the title constantly reminds me of that boffo episode of "Arrested Development" in which David Cross instructs the Cockney cabbie to take him to "The Gothic Castle" which he hears as "The Gothic Arsehole" which is, in fact, a very gay bar. As a result, The Glass Castle always becomes The Glass Arsehole in my mind. And I picture David Cross in his leather daddy gear.

And that about sums it up.

Look At Him...Sittin' On That Stool Like He's Doin' It A Favor

The best entire SNL episode ever? Why, I vote April 21st, 1990!

Somewhere, that baby's still on tape just waiting for me to unearth it and share it with the world. But until then, you'll have to tide yourselves over with this audio-challenged vid of one of my favorite sketches featuring host Alec Baldwin and Jan Hooks.

Speaking Of Maxie Dean...

Uh, why did no one tell me he was working with Emerald Nuts? Seriously. You 6 are really letting me down.

Check out the awesome Gouletness HERE!

Or, just make your own!

And Speaking Of Audrey...

I missed the "Twin Peaks" Season One DVD boat hoping there'd be a release of both seasons in one set and now it's $90. Season Two is available for a scant $36, but then I read things like this:

We've got a bit of an update for you today on CBS/Paramount's plans for David Lynch's Twin Peaks TV series on DVD in 2007. As most of you should know by now, the long-awaited Twin Peaks: The Second Season is already set to hit DVD on 4/10. Our sources are telling us that this release is designed for those who may already have Season One (released back in 2001 by Artisan/Republic) and the unaired pilot episode (released on DVD in Japan and available only as an import) on disc. However, for those of you who are patient and want it all in one shot... we're told to expect CBS/Paramount to announce a Twin Peaks: The Complete Series box set for release later in 2007 that contains both seasons AND the pilot episode, PLUS lots of newly-produced extras. Watch for details on the box set to be announced in the next few months.

from places like here: The Digital Bits

Now obviously the release date was incorrect, but is that really that important? So, all 6 of you, do I order Season Two and save my pennies for One or do I wait, potentially in vain, for the entire set? Do note that I have the VHS copies of everything that I bought years ago on eBay for $110. (Yes. You read that right.) So, vote away, and remember, the owls are not what they seem.