Welcome To The World, Baby Henry

May your every day be filled with light, love, happiness, and all the Slurpees you can drink.

Congratulations to my sweet Wife and her dear husband!

Henry Leo Fritchman
7lbs., 11oz.
19.25"
Ready to bring the awesome.

Abierto/Cerrado

There's a few litmus tests for models - editorials with high-powered photogs, scoring ads (espeically cosmetics) and covers, and who opens and closes a fashion show. I'm sure there are others - who can eat the least during fashion week, who's the bitchiest, who has the best hair of the season, who has the cutest boyfriend/girlfriend - but these are the measurable ones the public gets to gauge. God bless NY Mag for making it easier for model watchers in that last measurable test.

List of Opens/Closes for Sunday's shows

Fashion So Far

Although I'm eyeing snappy coats and cashmere, it's Springtime for Fashion (and Germany)! Let's peek in on the RTW, shall we?

Oooh...icy clean at BCBG.


Creepy hollow white eye makeup at Fetherston. And far fewer trapeeze dresses than ever before.


What a feeling, bein's believin'! Herchcovitch has it all, now he's dancing for his life!


Marchesa finally makes clothes I actually like.


While Vena Cava finally makes clothes I actually hate. From elegant lawn party last year to giant cut out cell phones? The hell?

Here's To You, Luciano

You elephant lover, you.

Adios.

Mass Murderer Learns Love Through The Art of DANCE!

Prisoners create new masterpiece: "Electric Dreams"
They do lifts! They patriotically wave the flag! They lose flip flops and they JUST! KEEP! DANCING! I absolutely love that dancing has turned hardened criminals around.

Labor Day

"Labor Day, Labor Day
Schools are closed and pools are open!
Labor Day, all the way!
Do all your shopping...at Wal-Mart."

Music is usually a personal thing - one man's trash ("We Built This City") is another man's treasure (I love "We Built This City") - but a few years ago, there was a scientific poll taken of musical tastes and distastes. Komar & Melamid (see above, with hair) decided to take the list of these attributes and turn them into the most wanted and most unwanted songs. The most wanted features stereotypical attributes like love as the theme and saxophones and it's okay. But the most unwanted song, on the other hand, is a thing of wretched beauty. It combines everything the polled music listeners hated - tubas, accordians, jingles, holiday themes, children singing, opera - into one amazingly long, simultaneously revolting/appealing cacophony of weird. In between long cowboyish "dum da dee duh" interludes and someone surely in a Viking hat caterwauling are little ditties about odd holidays sung by children and all of them end with "do all your shopping...at Wal-Mart!". There's tributes to Veterans' Day, Halloween, Ramadan ("lots of praying with no breakfast!"), and Labor Day which is and forever will be stuck in my head during early September. Should you ever be so curious as to hear this song in its full 25 minute long glory, I will be happy to escort you down to the basement to the two giant Rubbermaid containers filled the with less popular CDs for your digging and eventual listening pleasure. Until then, console yourself by listening to the fodder of these wretched songs:
Richard Harris sings "MacArthur Park"!
the "Tootsie Roll Jingle"!
Captain and Tennille's inexplicable "Muskrat Love"!

Rotten Youth Of America

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana

Darlings born in the 80s,

We already lived through the decade of your birth and I remember it vividly and despite what ol' George says up there, I think we have the power to change things. You can put away the neon and the tight tees and the acid washed (yes, there's a wee revival trying to bring that frightening tidbit back to life) and the bubble skirts and the jellies and the rubber bracelets and all the other business we previously lived through. We're not going back. We will not repeat those trends that we successfully avoided when they were new. And heavens to Mr. T, we sure as shit aren't going to buy the Units-esque "belt" that a certain retail icon is trying to foist upon us. We remember those baggy cotton prisons we bought into long ago. We even remember the color scheme - green tee, navy leggings, magenta "belt" - and how we had waited as patient as could be just so we wouldn't have to wait in line on a busy Saturday to purchase them. Yes, we waited in line for this, lambs, and let me tell you, if I knew then what I know now, I would have saved the cash, put it into a CD or something so that at this point the money would have replicated itself and I could take that cash and buy something that might last like a McQueen bag or, say, this. (Yes, I know it's Marc Jacobs. Shut up.) So, put down the block lettered tees, drop the stirrup pants, and burn the jazz shoes because if we start repeating these fashion travesties, we're just a wee hop, skip, and jump from bustles and frankly, my ass doesn't need any help in that arena.

Love,
OAA

Back To School

I'm going with sort of a blog design loose leaf thing these days. Not sure if it will stick. I'm feeling the need for a more wide-spread change.

The World Needs Dreamers

I think I know what you've been going through, man, cos I've been through some heavy shit myself. If you feel alone, like nobody in the world cares and nobody in the fucking world gives a shit, then I'm here...

(Bob Mapplethorpe from "Bottle Rocket")

Danielle, This One's For You

from The Onion's A.V. Club

Joe Versus The Volcano (1990)
What it tries to do: Joe Versus The Volcano could be called the original Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan romantic comedy, except that romantic comedies are never brave enough to try something this strange and enchanting. Writer-director John Patrick Shanley attempts to top the whimsical magic of his Moonstruck script with wild flights of fancy, leading Hanks and Ryan (who plays three roles) to a tropical island where the Polynesian-Jewish natives (led by Abe Vigoda!) love orange soda.

Why it failed: Clearly not everyone was enchanted: The New York Times, for one, tagged it as the flattest comedy since Howard The Duck, and other reviews weren't much kinder. Sandwiched between Punchline, The 'Burbs, Turner & Hooch, and Bonfire Of The Vanities, Joe Versus The Volcano appeared during Hanks' biggest losing streak since early in his career, and for all the film's loveable eccentricities, it tends to get lumped in there for posterity.

Why it's worth seeing: If it works on you, the film conveys nothing less than the joy of being alive—it openly fantasizes about breaking the shackles of the workaday world and finding adventure, romance, and beauty that exist beyond the suck-suck-sucking of florescent lights. And only the stone-hearted can avoid being touched by Hanks adrift on the ocean, facing dehydration and certain death, merrily strumming a song on his ukulele without a care in the world.

Maps. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Brilliant blog of maps of all sorts.

Notes On A Scandal

The scandal being that I haven't updated in over 10 days. Well, I'm sure you 6 have just been off enjoying the end of summer in your own special ways and haven't cared a lick. Which is as it should be. So, in order to keep you abreast of the activities and thoughts, I thought I'd just make one of those handy list posts so you can get back to your vodka-filled watermelons and your Slip 'n' Slides. So, here goes:

1. Went to the Montel Williams winery. I contend that this is the best winery in MO wine country because it has a fantastic view, it's never as crowded as the more well known joints, they have super yummy food, and I get to say "Mountain, get out of my way!" frequently in tribute to Montel's autobiography.


2. Droob came over to help me manage my iTunes, a task I had tried for hours to manage myself last weekend. Needless to say, whereas I was stumped at every turn (how did my current iTunes get on the external drive when I never put it there to begin with?), Drew was a few clicks away from solving the problem and entertained us during downloads with YouTube videos. I am a simpleton, but I am a simpleton with smart friends.

3. Kelly Sue and Matt were in for the day yesterday to sign their books and we popped in to drop off baby/mommy gifts and briefly visit. Our time together was all too brief, but it's always wonderful to see those two precious darlings (and the third soon to arrive!). Plus, I got to meet Steven Sanders! Plus, we got a great idea for the new friend soon to arrive!

4. Had a lovely time at The Oscar Party last night. There was a dining cage! A swimming pool! A vindictive hot tub! A non-functioning, yet highly distracting gas fire pit! And, of course, there was a set of the most comfy outdoor furniture ever made! Also, there was cheese for miles, lots of funny time, and Matt Ohlendorf so who could ask for more?

5. Had my 4th French lesson with Fanny! Comme d'habitude, when she speaks I pick up about 1/2 of what she's saying, but it's definitely fun and I'm definitely getting better with my pronunciation. After I get paid, I'm going to pick up some of these so I can practice a wee bit and, well, since the September issues will be out then, I might as well get this too. She's going on vacation for 2 weeks so it will be awhile before the next one but hopefully it will be just as raucous. Mon dieu! We were told by a cop to keep our volume down! How fantastique! Mon singe a les ruches!

And that's the highlights, lambs. Until next time, enjoy a BBQ'd tofu dog and think of me!

I Have All These Thoughts And I'm Pretty Sure They All Contradict Each Other

I'm trapped in a "Gilmore" cycle and I was thinking that all I watch these days are DVDs of the shows I love. Which is fine. No prob there. If my hardest decision of the night is "The Venture Brothers" or "Arrested Development", well, I'm sitting in that proverbial catbird seat (what the hell does that mean anyway?). But, although those choices are far from painful, it's gotten me thinking that I might need to buy more of these TV DVDs as I think I'm wearing out "The Venture Brothers" and "Arrested Development". I was trying to make a mental list today of the shows I need to adopt and care for and overwatch for years to come and it dawned on me that I've zero in the way of "Buffy". And I even wrote a whole real published article about how much I loved the show. So, as the money pot drains, my brain dreams of ordering this.

Oh, silly brain.

The Wit Of The Staircase

There was a blog that I loved reading for the insights and for the photos. It was more than just strange observations or the daily diary of a life sort of blog. It actually explored thoughts and ideas and the photos included were so lovely that I'd usually save them to my hard drive as reminders of pretty things when work or life was getting to be too much.

On a whim today I decided to clean up my countless bookmarks and clicked through to Wit of the Staircase only to discover that the blog's author, Theresa Duncan, had died. That, in and of itself, was shocking - such a vibrant mind filled with beautiful ideas and visions gone and apparently by her own hand. And then I read the Wiki about her only to discover that her partner, Jeremy Blake, had also left the world one week after Theresa.

I have no idea why this had such an impact on me - such an impact that I immediately scurried to Blogger to post about it - but the fact that she posted the day she died is just puzzling. It's such a conundrum that these two people, seemingly so vibrant and alive, would create their own tragic demise that even the euologistic post on her blog didn't seem real. It was almost as if this was all an elaborate ruse and that they were hiding out somewhere far away. I suppose that the oddest element is that in all of her recent posts there seemed to be no hint, no intimation whatsoever, that she was a person on the edge. She posts of fashion, of Kafka, of Kate Moss, and there seemed to be nothing dark or sinister anywhere.

And then I started clicking links and discovered that although she loved perfume and writing, there were things far more sinister in her life and her mind and that paranoia seemed to be a constant companion. How sad that two seemingly amazing people could self-destruct in such a manner. I suppose that now they are free from the terror and confusion they felt although it's certainly left me wondering - if Theresa's entire blog was dedicated to the notion of the wit of the staircase, what would she say now?

Links to discover more:
Theresa herself
The LA Times
And the best from LAist

Married and Shit

awww
Originally uploaded by treesquirrel.

Jenschuetz and Naz done gone and gots themselves hitched in Key West. And around here we couldn't be happier.

America, I Need You

Well, frankly, U.K., I need you indirectly. I've got mad love for a certain crisp of yours. It's, well, it's sublime, frankly, and I don't know how you people do it. You really have a gift with the potatoes. I know we make a ton of chips, but you people really did it right. And for all the efforts we've made to duplicate your life/society, we decided to make really shitty snackfoodz as our ultimate bugger off to the Queen. I feel this may have been the worst decision we could have made. So, what's this all about then? I NEED HULA HOOPS! I've looked online for them and christ the shipping is like, uh, $40. The actual foodstuff is only about $10. So, I appeal to you, former colony and current...uh...colony, help me get Hula Hoops. Find them online with relatively inexpensive shipping fees! Brits - stash them in boxes and mail them to me labeled "gift"! Or all 6 of you could fly over there returning with sacks of them, original flavor only, in return for the feeble entertainment I've given you through this humble blog (perhaps the least logical/economical option, but wouldn't you 6 have such fun together?)!

Here's what they look like:

Food Themed Theme Park

This is my new big money making idea and since I trust all 6 of you so implicitly, I'm going to share it.

FOODLAND
(yes, I know there might be a problem with this name, but it's in its conception phase so gimme a break)

The Pitch:
With obesity sweeping the nation, what better way to celebrate our obsession with cramming things down our gullets than a theme park dedicated to sweet sustenance!?!

The Rides:
Ferris Wheel of Brie
Salt & Pepper Shakers (too easy)
The Noodler
Bumper Carbs (instead of cars, it's little loaves of bread!)
The Salad Spinner (think swings, but in the shape of lettuce, sliced tomatoes, and other salad fixin's!)
Fad Diet Roller Coaster

The Games:
Onion Ring Toss - hook an onion ring on a ketchup bottle and win a prize!
Pie Toss - pie the face of a clown and win a prize!
Bottle Toss - knock the milk bottles over with a stuffed cupcake and win a prize!
The Dunkin' Booth - sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts (guy in doughnut suit falls into a giant cup of coffee)
Martini! - roll giant olives into martini glasses and win a prize!
Wack-A-Souffle - make those souffles fall and win a prize!

BFD

More to come on the baseball outing last night, but for now, here's a wee anecdote:

(sound of crowd clapping)
JENNIFER (to JULIE): Are we supposed to be clapping?
JULIE (clapping with crowd): Well, the pitcher is leaving the mound so we're clapping because he pitched well.
JENNIFER: BFD! That's his job!
AMY: Yeah! No one claps when I leave work!

Official Judge's Ruling: No clapping for pitchers that leave the mound. They're just doing their damn jobs and make way more than I do.

"I Won't Be Here Next Weekend"

Henry says. "I've got stale bacon training."

(He really said Steadicam training, but I think training stale bacon sounds far more fun. Although, can bacon go stale?)

Troof.

From Jon's Dog Blog:

I don't care who you think you are or where you think you came from, everybody at some point in their life has wanted a dog. And I'm pretty sure I know the real reason. The real reason is: Everybody at some point in their life has wanted to have a stuffed animal come to life and be their pal. Tell me I'm wrong and I will laugh and laugh and laugh.