My Favorite Emerald Nut Has Passed On

Farewell, Maxie Dean. May your buildings go condo.

Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh so mellow
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain so yellow
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a young and a callow fellow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow ( follow ) follow ( follow ) follow . . .

Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow ( follow ) follow ( follow ) follow . . .


Deep in December it's nice to remember
Although you know the snow will follow
Deep in December it's nice to remember
Without a hurt, the heart is hollow
Deep in December it's nice to remember
The fire of September that made you mellow
Deep in December our hearts should remember
Then follow ( follow ) follow ( follow ) follow . . .

"The Darjeeling Limited"

The best part of this movie ends up ditched on a platform.

But, I suppose if I were as wealthy as the characters of Wes Anderson's latest homage to WASPs, I could bid on it.

Fabishubun

Dumb Donald? Is that you?

Hussein Chalayan's recent holographic fashion show featured some surprisingly wearable looks, this notwithstanding.

(Mushmouth was always myb faboribit. And yes, I occasionally still talk like him around the Sandbox girls.)

There Are Dozens Of Us! DOZENS!

It's sometimes difficult to be out here in a world of procreators. I am so far not one to take to the idea of bearing a child. The concept that there is a living thing inside of me makes me quite queasy. I have already accidentally dropped my dog and she's been around for a month so imagine a baby in my arms. Gravity has never been my friend, but I have a feeling that with the sleep deprivation and the added financial woes, I'd be branded worse than a British nanny when I take that inevitable spill down our precipitous stairs. And then there's the financial and emotional impact that I'm definitely not prepared to take on.

Now this isn't to say that I don't love babies and the people who have them. They're great. You can dress them in cute clothes. I'm sure the love you thought you were capable of is underwhelming when compared to the love you feel for your child. They are absolutely charming when they're about 3. But I have never felt that urge. Oh sure, when I see the adorable Baby GAP ads I feel a little twinge, but then I remember the pregnancy and the (yikes) delivery and all the rest and I'm snapped back to reality. And I'm not alone. Helen Mirren agrees. Now, although I don't have the mother issues (hi Gwenny!), I do share Ms. Mirren's sentiments and as harsh as it may seem to some, that's the honest truth.

image from The Wit of the Staircase

Covet Commandment

Stop using the word "covet" in all its forms and start using the phrase "pig-in-a-poke". If I read another blog entry that states "I am coveting (BLANK) right now" I will run someone over with a Segway. The mere thought of that verb causes such revulsion that simply proofing this post is probably going to make me homicidal.

Now although the word and idiom don't seem interchangable, oh contraire! "Although it may be a pig-in-a-poke, I still want that sequinned beret." See? It CAN work! (And that sequinned hat is a pig-in-a-poke, unless you're Rita from "Arrested Development".)

Seriously? Seriously.

Two great tastes that taste great together - the Dramatic Prairie Dog and "CSI: Miami". An old meme, surely, but it still cracks my shit up.

Does Not Compute

The Ross Sisters' tribute to, of all things, Solid Potato Salad
For some reason, the blending of potato salad and contortionism doesn't work in my brain. And just wait until you get to the back bend down the wagon...and then the reverse. Solid or not, that potato salad's comin' back up with that move.

First, We Blame All The Women

Hey Warner Brothers! You can suck it!

These Plaintive Lyrics Bore Me

We've been rewatching the back seasons of "Alias" which is just as awesome as it was the first time around, but the issue I'm vexed by is the music they use in the lovey or sad Syd scenes is just wretched. I don't remember it being this obnoxious, but dang it's horrific and it's all documented on the official "Alias" site. And just look how angry it's made Jack! He don't go in for no Abra Moore! (Frankly, who does?)

Honestly.

This is the living end.

Now, you six know that I don't often delve into the lives of the garbage of Hollywood (except my favorite little bit of trash, Miss Lindsay Lohan - Call me Linds! I still have a lot to say to you Little Miss I-Have-A-Gift!), but this whole Britney trainwreck has me interested. Not because I believe she's a good person who's just in need of a little understanding, not because I think she's supremely gifted and just needs to get away from sycophants, but because she seems to just be in such a damn daze 24/7 which amazes me. She's like a zombie with fake hair and giant sunglasses and after I watched this video, I learned some things which I will now elucidate for you:

1. People who take photos of people in a car at the gas station really need to sit down and think about their lives for one hot minute.
2. People who leave the house hoping that these people will take photos of them in a car at a gas station really need to sit down and think about their lives for one hot minute.
3. People whose job it is to take these photos should not be pumping gas for the people that leave the house hoping that they will take photos of them. This somehow breaks down the hierarchy of our society and it makes me confused and slightly angry.
4. Britney Spears needs to learn how to smoke. Seriously. She smokes like a 14-year-old trying to look grown up.
5. I think I just got to the heart of the matter - Britney Spears is a 14-year-old trying to look grown up.

Apocalypse Now

Douglas referred me to this article and I'm fairly certain that if politicians become the new style icons, I will have no problem with stealing some plutonium and reading a lot of physics books so that I might strategically detonate it in order to save the world of fashion.

10.13.07

It's the "Arrested Development" party! This Saturday! My house! If you actually know me and actually want to come and you are actually prepared to dress in A.D.-themed costumes, email me and I'll send you all the details. If you don't actually know me, well, enjoy the photo of Buster with balloons.

I Need A Name

My
Originally uploaded by Old Aunt Amy.

Hello. I now live with OAA and I need a name. I am a girl and I am a miniature dachshund. Won't you please help and give me one? Post your suggestions in the comments!

It's My Goddamn Birthday!

Unlike others, I LOVE my birthday and anticipate it more than Christmas.

My New Favorite Image

Man, That Rihanna's A Real Dog

I mean, just look at her. Terrible. Hit upside the head with the ugly stick, that one. So sad.

(The preceeding message has been paid for by the Committee to Create More Ironic Blog Posts.)

The Deep Questions Finally Answered

Okay, you six, I didn't think I was going to have to do this, but there's some folks out there that need to learn a few things.

1. Is the world flat?
No. The world is round. And if you need proof, read a freakin' book or better yet, ask a goddamn astronaut.

2. What's an astronaut?
That's a scientist who's been up into space - above the clouds and the airplanes and Jesus's fluffy palace - and has actually looked back toward the planet we live on and seen that it is in fact round shaped. Like a ball or a ball gag.

3. Is evolution real?
Yes. Evolution is real. We evolved from other life forms and we keep on evolving, well, most of us do. Some of us, like the doofus on "The View" are actually regressing, but that's okay because there's a thing called "natural selection".

4. What is natural selection?
Contrary to popular belief, this is not when you select your case of Natural Light. Natural selection is why the Darwin Awards were invented. It means that the fittest - both physically and mentally - will survive and the genetic makeup of those that don't measure up will be eliminated. And frankly, it can't happen soon enough.

5. Where is the island we can banish all the religious fools to so we can go on about our lives of thinking and ensmartening?
I wish I knew, children. I wish I knew.

What You Never Want To Hear

"It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with (your name here). We believe (your name here) is enormously talented and has made (your recent accomplishment here). But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish (your name here) the best."

Britney Gets Fired (via A Socialite's Life)

Try As You Might

That Jennifer Garner will win you over every time.

Updates, Get Your Updates Here

Things I've Learned:

I am constantly typing the address for this site as "flogger.com". Fortunately, I catch it before I end up in some virtual S&M dungeon.

I do not have viral meningitis although it definitely seemed like I did. I even had to leave Marty's wedding early because I felt dead. But, apparently sleeping for 22 out of 48 hours will kill any disease you may have. Try it. You'll see.

I am in love with Campbell's Soup At Hand Creamy Tomato. I bought two the other day at Target and I'm thinking about having the second one in a few minutes...after I finish the first one. All the goodness of real creamy tomato soup without all the stirring and the stove!

Starbucks is okay with the fact that I don't bring my cup everyday. They agree that if I bring it 90% of the time it's better than bringing it 0% percent of the time. That makes me feel better.

I have Fall Fever. I want to wear all my fall clothes, at the same time, and can't stop staring at garments from J.Crew.

Things That Happened:

As mentioned previously, Prosecutor-to-the-Stars Marty got married. I really, really, really wanted to bring him a fish for his wedding like the one he got me for prom, but thought it might die while they were on their honeymoon. Perhaps later.


We went to The Scottish Arms. Again. Like that's a surprise.


Deke Dickerson was in town and played a delightful little show that kept me up WAY past my bedtime. And I got to see Ian from the old CWE Straub's field trips and Matt & Kim let us sit with them in the cold, cold out-of-doors.

And I guess that's about it. In between there I finished Season 5 of "Gilmore Girls" and am desperate for Season 6, I officially started the countdown to my birthday (14 more days!), started planning the "Arrested Development" post-birthday party, drove to Indianapolis and back for work, ate a shitton of Ranch dressing on a tostada pizza at CPK, hung out with the oldsters at the Little Sisters of the Poor, am gearing up to donate platelets, and did about 1000 other things that really won't matter in the long run.

Oh, I need to call the Bug Lady. And I am in the process of updating Flickr.