Democratic Breakfasts

Does anyone else get a wee bit nervous for the Democrats' future when, even now, a Google search for "waffles" yields this:



I know I do.

An Open Letter To America Regarding A Certain Lohan

Hi there, U.S.,

I've written this letter because I know we have a lot to talk about - politics, wars, moronic presidents that should have what's left of their brains removed with bendy straws - but let's get down to the serious stuff, the stuff we really care about. Let's talk Lindsay Lohan. Hell, everyone else is so why not you and me?

See, here's the thing - gurl crazy. She's got a lot of "issues" including, but not limited to, daddy abandonment, growing up fast, unstable mother, liars as friends, and certainly a load of people around her under her employ that are up to no good. Why am I talking about this when we have those straws to deploy in a certain world leader's nostrils? Well, y'all seem to be fascinated with her and I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here. You're fascinated because she's a train wreck, right? You're not fascinated because she's breaking new acting ground in a movie starring a car, are you? You're just fascinated because she's clearly too young to go to nightclubs that are 21+, but she's allowed in anyway, correct? You're just into her for all the shallow, mind-boggling reasons I am, because if you think she's the Bernhardt of our generation, well, read this, brought to my attention via Imaginary Socialite and let me know what you think: Lindsay in ELLE.

Done? Okay.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? She is out of her frigging mind if she expects us to believe she's normal. I was 20 and I can tell you for a fact that I never behaved in such an outlandish, selfish, boorish, bordering on conversationally retarded manner. Hell, for that matter I was 7 and can report the same to be true. Does anyone ever tell her no? Does anyone ever say, "Hey, Linds, you're fucking mental, your mom's apeshit, your dad's in jail, you're friends with Kate Moss (who is eternally beautiful but has issues of her own), why don't we take this down a notch for a while and let things cool off."? What this girl needs, America, is what no one will ever give her - a mental beatdown. She needs to be reminded that she is an ACTOR in MOVIES, not god's gift to the development of society. I am so sick of her and her ilk that expect everything will be handed to them if they continue to act the way they do. So, as a collective - you and me, USA - let's just ignore her. It worked pretty well with Paris' music career so let's direct this toward Ms. Lohan. Just stop paying attention and let her calm her freak ass down. And, she wants it that way, nation of my birth: "I have this Andy Warhol lighter—it means so much to me—that has this quote on it. I wish I knew it exactly, but it says something like, 'Everyone in the world will eventually have their 15 minutes of fame.' Something similar to that. But it's so true!" SEE! She passively aggressively wants her time to be up. (Let's not get started on the fact that this well-established quote has come to her in the form of a lighter. Let's just leave that alone because that just conjures up images of her learning Shakespeare via novelty coffee mugs and that's an entirely different kettle of uneducated fish.) Stop reading about her on-again-off-again flings with floppy haired man children. Stop watching videos of her doing high-kicks in alleys for no reason. Stop wondering if she's going to be in Louis Vuitton ads or Fendi ads or Chanel ads or ads for prescription meds (which she should be as a cautionary tale at the very least). Just stop.

And send her to me for a real talking to that will slap some damn sense into her completely empty head.

Thanks, country o' mine,

OAA

Oh Lord. It's This Saturday.

It's Not Always Bad News

This is why the world is inherently a good place.

It may be filled with pain and sorrow, but it gives us so much good and beauty that it can break your heart.

Secrets REVEALED!

I hate the designs of Marc Jacobs.



There. I said it.

An Open Letter To Gap, Inc.

This bastardization sends me into a murderous rage each time I think of it.

Fuck. You.




That being said, I need skinny black pants for my H&M Balenciaga jacket knock-off.

Love,
OAA

Abe

A few days after I went to Home Depot and bought the most bedraggled ficus tree I could find - I'm always one for a project and I guess I've just seen "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown" too many times. I had a hard time getting him to the checkout and into the car. His top hung out the sunroof and I laughed, amazed at the little tree's fortitude in holding onto the thin leaves that grew from his top branches. They were all intact when we arrived home and I hauled him up three flights to my bedroom. His name is Abe and he's been hanging in there ever since. He enjoys the outdoors during the summer, flourishing and adding new leaves daily, and this winter he'll be living in the new blue guest room, near the window, of course. He's still a bit odd-shaped and he's never filled out completely. One side is still strangely bare, but that's the side that goes to the wall, anyway. He's my dear and if all my plants mysteriously died (heaven forbid), he'd be the one I'd mourn.

He was named for Abe Zelmanowitz. And every time I think of Abe the Tree, I think of Abe the Person and smile. He was a good egg and I look forward to hugging him someday. Until then, I'll hold tight to Abe the Tree.

Things To Remember

BUY:
Criterion's "Kicking and Screaming"
Bridesmaid dress
Wellies for bridesmaid dress
(And heels, you purists)
Tickets to LV for Sandbox's wedding
A car
Jesus candles
Serene Sea paint for the painting party
"Twin Peaks: Season One" DVD already!
Black military jacket

SELL:
Prada handbag

MAKE:
Stick Joan of Arc
Signs for 9.23
Water into wine miracles

Not Since June

If you go away
On this summer day
Then you might as well
Take the sun away
All the birds that flew
In the summer sky
When our love was new
And our hearts were high
And the day was young
And the nights were long
And the moon stood still
For the night bird's song

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a day
Like no day has been
Or will be again
We'll sail on the sun
We'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees
And worship the wind

But if you go
I'll understand
Leave me just enough love
To fill up my hand

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you will
You must tell the world
To stop turning
'til you return again
If you ever do
For what good is love
Without loving you?
Can I tell you now
As you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly
'til the next hello

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a night
Like no night has been
Or will be again
I'll sail on your smile
I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes
That I love so much

But if you go
I won't cry
Though the good is gone
From the word goodbye

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you must
There is be nothing left
In this world to trust
Just an empty room
Full of empty space
Like the empty look
I see on your face
And I'd been the shadow
Of your shadow
If you might have kept me
By your side

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...