My New Favorite Image

Man, That Rihanna's A Real Dog

I mean, just look at her. Terrible. Hit upside the head with the ugly stick, that one. So sad.

(The preceeding message has been paid for by the Committee to Create More Ironic Blog Posts.)

The Deep Questions Finally Answered

Okay, you six, I didn't think I was going to have to do this, but there's some folks out there that need to learn a few things.

1. Is the world flat?
No. The world is round. And if you need proof, read a freakin' book or better yet, ask a goddamn astronaut.

2. What's an astronaut?
That's a scientist who's been up into space - above the clouds and the airplanes and Jesus's fluffy palace - and has actually looked back toward the planet we live on and seen that it is in fact round shaped. Like a ball or a ball gag.

3. Is evolution real?
Yes. Evolution is real. We evolved from other life forms and we keep on evolving, well, most of us do. Some of us, like the doofus on "The View" are actually regressing, but that's okay because there's a thing called "natural selection".

4. What is natural selection?
Contrary to popular belief, this is not when you select your case of Natural Light. Natural selection is why the Darwin Awards were invented. It means that the fittest - both physically and mentally - will survive and the genetic makeup of those that don't measure up will be eliminated. And frankly, it can't happen soon enough.

5. Where is the island we can banish all the religious fools to so we can go on about our lives of thinking and ensmartening?
I wish I knew, children. I wish I knew.

What You Never Want To Hear

"It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with (your name here). We believe (your name here) is enormously talented and has made (your recent accomplishment here). But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish (your name here) the best."

Britney Gets Fired (via A Socialite's Life)

Try As You Might

That Jennifer Garner will win you over every time.

Updates, Get Your Updates Here

Things I've Learned:

I am constantly typing the address for this site as "flogger.com". Fortunately, I catch it before I end up in some virtual S&M dungeon.

I do not have viral meningitis although it definitely seemed like I did. I even had to leave Marty's wedding early because I felt dead. But, apparently sleeping for 22 out of 48 hours will kill any disease you may have. Try it. You'll see.

I am in love with Campbell's Soup At Hand Creamy Tomato. I bought two the other day at Target and I'm thinking about having the second one in a few minutes...after I finish the first one. All the goodness of real creamy tomato soup without all the stirring and the stove!

Starbucks is okay with the fact that I don't bring my cup everyday. They agree that if I bring it 90% of the time it's better than bringing it 0% percent of the time. That makes me feel better.

I have Fall Fever. I want to wear all my fall clothes, at the same time, and can't stop staring at garments from J.Crew.

Things That Happened:

As mentioned previously, Prosecutor-to-the-Stars Marty got married. I really, really, really wanted to bring him a fish for his wedding like the one he got me for prom, but thought it might die while they were on their honeymoon. Perhaps later.


We went to The Scottish Arms. Again. Like that's a surprise.


Deke Dickerson was in town and played a delightful little show that kept me up WAY past my bedtime. And I got to see Ian from the old CWE Straub's field trips and Matt & Kim let us sit with them in the cold, cold out-of-doors.

And I guess that's about it. In between there I finished Season 5 of "Gilmore Girls" and am desperate for Season 6, I officially started the countdown to my birthday (14 more days!), started planning the "Arrested Development" post-birthday party, drove to Indianapolis and back for work, ate a shitton of Ranch dressing on a tostada pizza at CPK, hung out with the oldsters at the Little Sisters of the Poor, am gearing up to donate platelets, and did about 1000 other things that really won't matter in the long run.

Oh, I need to call the Bug Lady. And I am in the process of updating Flickr.

My Biggest Fear

Ebola.

Some people are afraid of ghosts, some are afraid of heights, I'm deathly (no pun intended) afraid of Ebola. Now, sure, I have never eaten bush meat and I've not been anywhere near anyone with it, but the possibility exists, people. And knowing my penchant for contracting the weirdest of the weird diseases, I'm fairly sure I'll get it even though I'm thousands of miles away from the Democratic Republic of Congo. Seriously, what's scarier than bleeding out your orifices until you die? And if you needed more, how 'bout this kick in the pants from Wikipedia?

"Its efficacy as a biological-warfare agent is compromised by its extreme lethality and its quickness: a typical outbreak spreads through a small village or hospital, kills everyone there, and runs out of potential hosts, burning out before it reaches a larger community."

Gee, thanks. So, I won't be attacked by a dirty bomb filled with Ebola, but it will kill everyone in my small village. My small village is fucked.

Oh, SNAP!

It's on, Roddick. It is so ON! No one calls my faux tennis boyfriend a "robot" and gets away with it! Besides, when's the last time YOU made Anna Wintour smile, Andy?

UPDATE: DOUBLE SNAP for you, Roddick! My faux b.f. got a standing ovation! When's the last time fashion people gave YOU a standing ovation?

Welcome To The World, Baby Henry

May your every day be filled with light, love, happiness, and all the Slurpees you can drink.

Congratulations to my sweet Wife and her dear husband!

Henry Leo Fritchman
7lbs., 11oz.
19.25"
Ready to bring the awesome.

Abierto/Cerrado

There's a few litmus tests for models - editorials with high-powered photogs, scoring ads (espeically cosmetics) and covers, and who opens and closes a fashion show. I'm sure there are others - who can eat the least during fashion week, who's the bitchiest, who has the best hair of the season, who has the cutest boyfriend/girlfriend - but these are the measurable ones the public gets to gauge. God bless NY Mag for making it easier for model watchers in that last measurable test.

List of Opens/Closes for Sunday's shows

Fashion So Far

Although I'm eyeing snappy coats and cashmere, it's Springtime for Fashion (and Germany)! Let's peek in on the RTW, shall we?

Oooh...icy clean at BCBG.


Creepy hollow white eye makeup at Fetherston. And far fewer trapeeze dresses than ever before.


What a feeling, bein's believin'! Herchcovitch has it all, now he's dancing for his life!


Marchesa finally makes clothes I actually like.


While Vena Cava finally makes clothes I actually hate. From elegant lawn party last year to giant cut out cell phones? The hell?

Here's To You, Luciano

You elephant lover, you.

Adios.

Mass Murderer Learns Love Through The Art of DANCE!

Prisoners create new masterpiece: "Electric Dreams"
They do lifts! They patriotically wave the flag! They lose flip flops and they JUST! KEEP! DANCING! I absolutely love that dancing has turned hardened criminals around.

Labor Day

"Labor Day, Labor Day
Schools are closed and pools are open!
Labor Day, all the way!
Do all your shopping...at Wal-Mart."

Music is usually a personal thing - one man's trash ("We Built This City") is another man's treasure (I love "We Built This City") - but a few years ago, there was a scientific poll taken of musical tastes and distastes. Komar & Melamid (see above, with hair) decided to take the list of these attributes and turn them into the most wanted and most unwanted songs. The most wanted features stereotypical attributes like love as the theme and saxophones and it's okay. But the most unwanted song, on the other hand, is a thing of wretched beauty. It combines everything the polled music listeners hated - tubas, accordians, jingles, holiday themes, children singing, opera - into one amazingly long, simultaneously revolting/appealing cacophony of weird. In between long cowboyish "dum da dee duh" interludes and someone surely in a Viking hat caterwauling are little ditties about odd holidays sung by children and all of them end with "do all your shopping...at Wal-Mart!". There's tributes to Veterans' Day, Halloween, Ramadan ("lots of praying with no breakfast!"), and Labor Day which is and forever will be stuck in my head during early September. Should you ever be so curious as to hear this song in its full 25 minute long glory, I will be happy to escort you down to the basement to the two giant Rubbermaid containers filled the with less popular CDs for your digging and eventual listening pleasure. Until then, console yourself by listening to the fodder of these wretched songs:
Richard Harris sings "MacArthur Park"!
the "Tootsie Roll Jingle"!
Captain and Tennille's inexplicable "Muskrat Love"!