Neighborhood associations, condo boards, and all their self-important ilk can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned.
So I guess carollers can't sing "Silent Night" because it mentions sleeping in heavenly peace then.
And I suppose all of "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" is right out as well.
What a delightful way to show the true meaning of Christmas - on earth peace and good will toward men - eh, neighborhood association bastards?
(My! Such anger for such a little girl!)
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Holiday Wish List, Part One
I'll have what she's wearing. The military coat, the mini, the boots...yeah. The whole enchilada.
from The Sartorialist
from The Sartorialist
Shat Out Sunday
Delta Burke's on "Boston Legal" and her cheek implants and various and sundry additional faux elements are creeping me out. I think they're coming at me through the television. Thank god this isn't in 3-D. And ABC is so very much into Shatner, he's on one show while they're calling his so over-the-top game show a Shat-stravaganza. Can a network be said to be dating a star? If so, ABC is working way too hard to get to third base.
Speaking of third base, James Spader can read a grocery list to me and make me woozy. He just told one of Henry's little dream girls to take her pants off and although I thought it weird for prime time TV, I really appreciated the scene. Not the Julie Bowen part, she bores me, but oooooh, James, feel free to steal home.
That said, uh, what's up with all the cutting and editing? It's snippety and zippy and swooshy and I'm not a fan. Good thing I got my Spader fix in one sweetheart of a scene and now can neglect to watch it for months. And I hope someone with YouTube talent feels the same way because that scene was...well, some kinda something.
Speaking of third base, James Spader can read a grocery list to me and make me woozy. He just told one of Henry's little dream girls to take her pants off and although I thought it weird for prime time TV, I really appreciated the scene. Not the Julie Bowen part, she bores me, but oooooh, James, feel free to steal home.
That said, uh, what's up with all the cutting and editing? It's snippety and zippy and swooshy and I'm not a fan. Good thing I got my Spader fix in one sweetheart of a scene and now can neglect to watch it for months. And I hope someone with YouTube talent feels the same way because that scene was...well, some kinda something.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The World Mourns Legendary Spelling Errors
I am definitely not one to poke fun at someone while they're grieving and heavens knows I've put some bad writing out there in the world, but this is something I just can't quite understand.
Lohan's condolences to Altmans
Specifically the "BE ADEQUITE" part of that something. Be adequite? I haven't a notion what that means and this isn't written in a malicious way. I do have a strange predilection toward Miss Lohan (in that I want to pull her aside and be her mother or at least her big sister) and just hope this is some spelling mistake propagated by her lack of formal education. But then if she meant "be adequate", what does that mean? I know her singing is mediocre and her acting is just sub-par, but is she essentially striving for adequacy? Is this her life's goal? Seems so if I am to believe this purportedly heartfelt letter.
Lindsay, I reiterate my former plea. Move into my house. We'll make cocoa. We'll read books. We'll watch "CSI: Miami". We'll meet guys your age who aren't interested in getting on the covers of tabloids. It'll be normal...no...it'll be adequate. Trust me. Beyond everything else, that's clearly what you need.
Lohan's condolences to Altmans
Specifically the "BE ADEQUITE" part of that something. Be adequite? I haven't a notion what that means and this isn't written in a malicious way. I do have a strange predilection toward Miss Lohan (in that I want to pull her aside and be her mother or at least her big sister) and just hope this is some spelling mistake propagated by her lack of formal education. But then if she meant "be adequate", what does that mean? I know her singing is mediocre and her acting is just sub-par, but is she essentially striving for adequacy? Is this her life's goal? Seems so if I am to believe this purportedly heartfelt letter.
Lindsay, I reiterate my former plea. Move into my house. We'll make cocoa. We'll read books. We'll watch "CSI: Miami". We'll meet guys your age who aren't interested in getting on the covers of tabloids. It'll be normal...no...it'll be adequate. Trust me. Beyond everything else, that's clearly what you need.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
(Insert Sign Of Relief Here)
Monday, November 20, 2006
Baby Spice Is No Petula Clark
This is nearly as bad as Audrey Hepburn being used for the GAP ads. What's next - Emmanuel Lewis starring in a remake of "Arthur"? Tom Green in "Lawrence of Arabia"? Sarah Jessica Parker IS Foxy Brown? This is all shite and everyone involved needs to be smacked with the originality stick.
This is nearly as bad as Audrey Hepburn being used for the GAP ads. What's next - Emmanuel Lewis starring in a remake of "Arthur"? Tom Green in "Lawrence of Arabia"? Sarah Jessica Parker IS Foxy Brown? This is all shite and everyone involved needs to be smacked with the originality stick.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Jungle Red II
Mind the claws, love. It's taken me two years to grow them.
All references to "The Women" aside, I'm not sure I want my Tuleh dress to come with its own set of hands grabbing my thigh. I don't care for people doing that much less fashion.
All references to "The Women" aside, I'm not sure I want my Tuleh dress to come with its own set of hands grabbing my thigh. I don't care for people doing that much less fashion.
Catwalk Girls
As a self-confessed model hound, I'm always interested in the new girls. I absolutely love these beautiful babies currently.
Behati Prinsloo
Kinga Rajzak
Alison Nix
Anna Mariya Urazhevskaya
And naturally the supercute Darla Baker
Where are all the new blondies? I am in the mood for Lara Stone, but I'm just not there yet.
Behati Prinsloo
Kinga Rajzak
Alison Nix
Anna Mariya Urazhevskaya
And naturally the supercute Darla Baker
Where are all the new blondies? I am in the mood for Lara Stone, but I'm just not there yet.
How It All Works
Fashion week explained. (Yes, I know its long been over, but I'm still just catching up, m'kay?)
Exits? Fire exits?
Your seat, Ms. Wintour.
Exits? Fire exits?
Your seat, Ms. Wintour.
Bridget Foley's Diary
From the Spring '07 issue of WWD Magazine and penned by Executive Editor Bridget Foley:
"The death of excitement may in fact be rooted in larger issues. We all know that the industry has changed. Pre-seasons rule, the seemingly insatiable celebrity fascination continues to outpace common sense by miles and a tidal wave of egalitarianism has, if not diverted, then at least caught the attention of fashion's top-tier names. That phenomenon goes hand in hand with not only the sage notion that everyone should, regardless of finances, have access to real fashion, but also the more questionable proposal that everyone - or at least everyone with minor name recognition - should, regardless of talent or skill, have access to a career as a designer. Thus, during the collections, there were Tinsley Mortimer, hawking her bags for Samantha Thavasa, and Scarlett Johansson, her jewelry collaboration with Imitation of Christ's highly accomplished Tara Subkoff. The trend is such that WWD found it noteworthy to report that, following in the footsteps of Clara Bow, Ava Gardner and Meryl Streep, Lindsay Lohan will not launch a line, having heeded the advice of her pal Karl Lagerfeld, who is apparently fine with her idea of opening a vintage shop at some point next year. Meanwhile, reaching into another design realm entirely, Nicky Hilton talked up her shift from hotel 'heiress' to actual hotelier, though whether she will ultimately sign off on the architectural plans for a building intended not to fall down on people is unclear."
Oh, Bridget, you are a girl after my own heart. Let's meet for hot cocoa and discuss the differences between Ward and Pivovarova.
"The death of excitement may in fact be rooted in larger issues. We all know that the industry has changed. Pre-seasons rule, the seemingly insatiable celebrity fascination continues to outpace common sense by miles and a tidal wave of egalitarianism has, if not diverted, then at least caught the attention of fashion's top-tier names. That phenomenon goes hand in hand with not only the sage notion that everyone should, regardless of finances, have access to real fashion, but also the more questionable proposal that everyone - or at least everyone with minor name recognition - should, regardless of talent or skill, have access to a career as a designer. Thus, during the collections, there were Tinsley Mortimer, hawking her bags for Samantha Thavasa, and Scarlett Johansson, her jewelry collaboration with Imitation of Christ's highly accomplished Tara Subkoff. The trend is such that WWD found it noteworthy to report that, following in the footsteps of Clara Bow, Ava Gardner and Meryl Streep, Lindsay Lohan will not launch a line, having heeded the advice of her pal Karl Lagerfeld, who is apparently fine with her idea of opening a vintage shop at some point next year. Meanwhile, reaching into another design realm entirely, Nicky Hilton talked up her shift from hotel 'heiress' to actual hotelier, though whether she will ultimately sign off on the architectural plans for a building intended not to fall down on people is unclear."
Oh, Bridget, you are a girl after my own heart. Let's meet for hot cocoa and discuss the differences between Ward and Pivovarova.
Hussein Chalayan S/S 07
I know all the fashionistas are talking about the amazing presto-chango dresses that Chalayan showed, and I agree they are incredible, but no more incroyable than the less anamatronic ones.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
The First Time I Met Charles Bronson
Hugs to Sam for somehow dredging this back up. I wrote this a long time ago and Jennifer and Stephanie still remember the very shade of pink I'm referencing. (I can still see the store display and the color of pink! Now I want a polish pen!!! Jennifer. See?) And now, without further delay...
The First Time I Met Charles Bronson
The first and only time I met Charles Bronson was while he was working the cosmetics counter at the Walgreen's on Hampton. Jennifer, Stephanie, and I rode our bikes up there for our bi-weekly $5 spending spree. We all picked out our standard Cadbury's chocolate bar (fruit and nut for me) and began perusing the Nail Polish Pens when Jennifer discovered a pen in the perfect shade of pink - not too dusty rose, not too cotton candy. It was the last one. Being the proper Catholic school girl, I began to pout over the fact that the shade would go much better with my redheaded complexion than her blonder looks, but she, heart set on that Nail Polish Pen, ignored my passive aggression. It was then, just when I thought hope was lost, that I met Charles Bronson.
He stepped from behind the counter where he had been keeping busy marking down flocked animal shaped banks to let me know that he thought they had more in back in just that shade of pink. The three of us waited, unaware of the glory and splendor we had just been witness to. Then, Mr. Bronson returned carrying a box of Maybelline Nail Polish Pens and holding one in that shade of pink in his hand. He gently lay the box on the floor and offered me the prize I'd been waiting for. Then he suggested he ring us out at his register at the cosmetics counter. It was like we were princesses and Bronson our magic godfather. No lines for the princesses! Every Nail Polish Pen wish comes true for the princesses!
That was the last time I saw him. We went back two weeks later, $5 in hand, and bought the same exact grade school booty - candy bar and Nail Polish Pen - from some nameless middle aged woman. Although I can't be sure, it seemed like I got a lot less back in change that time. Perhaps I'm just misremembering. Perhaps I'm Nail Polish Penning this whole story a little rosier than it really was, but I think Bronson gave us a discount
The First Time I Met Charles Bronson
The first and only time I met Charles Bronson was while he was working the cosmetics counter at the Walgreen's on Hampton. Jennifer, Stephanie, and I rode our bikes up there for our bi-weekly $5 spending spree. We all picked out our standard Cadbury's chocolate bar (fruit and nut for me) and began perusing the Nail Polish Pens when Jennifer discovered a pen in the perfect shade of pink - not too dusty rose, not too cotton candy. It was the last one. Being the proper Catholic school girl, I began to pout over the fact that the shade would go much better with my redheaded complexion than her blonder looks, but she, heart set on that Nail Polish Pen, ignored my passive aggression. It was then, just when I thought hope was lost, that I met Charles Bronson.
He stepped from behind the counter where he had been keeping busy marking down flocked animal shaped banks to let me know that he thought they had more in back in just that shade of pink. The three of us waited, unaware of the glory and splendor we had just been witness to. Then, Mr. Bronson returned carrying a box of Maybelline Nail Polish Pens and holding one in that shade of pink in his hand. He gently lay the box on the floor and offered me the prize I'd been waiting for. Then he suggested he ring us out at his register at the cosmetics counter. It was like we were princesses and Bronson our magic godfather. No lines for the princesses! Every Nail Polish Pen wish comes true for the princesses!
That was the last time I saw him. We went back two weeks later, $5 in hand, and bought the same exact grade school booty - candy bar and Nail Polish Pen - from some nameless middle aged woman. Although I can't be sure, it seemed like I got a lot less back in change that time. Perhaps I'm just misremembering. Perhaps I'm Nail Polish Penning this whole story a little rosier than it really was, but I think Bronson gave us a discount
Oh Thank God
Meeting tomorrow cancelled, that annoying flapping sound in the women's room has been silenced, and Lily's arrived. Take that rainy day!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Just Puttin' 'Em Out There
Thoughts in my head:
"Upon her knee
So fine to be
Mother and boy
Mooootherrrrrbooooyyyyy"
That Bank of America employee singing his version of "One" is what I used to have to write back in the day, but my songs for clients were much funnier. I mean "Come Bake With Me" in the style of "Come Fly With Me" is, granted, far easier, but that's his first mistake. Always pick an upbeat song!
I don't want to write that creative brief. I hate writing creative briefs.
Amy's brand cheese pizza is meh. The people they rant and rave, but they don't really know. It's decided that I prefer Red Baron's mini pizzas because they remind me of the personal pan pizzas we ate in high school.
Where is my fucking Lily Allen CD?!?!!!
"Upon her knee
So fine to be
Mother and boy
Mooootherrrrrbooooyyyyy"
That Bank of America employee singing his version of "One" is what I used to have to write back in the day, but my songs for clients were much funnier. I mean "Come Bake With Me" in the style of "Come Fly With Me" is, granted, far easier, but that's his first mistake. Always pick an upbeat song!
I don't want to write that creative brief. I hate writing creative briefs.
Amy's brand cheese pizza is meh. The people they rant and rave, but they don't really know. It's decided that I prefer Red Baron's mini pizzas because they remind me of the personal pan pizzas we ate in high school.
Where is my fucking Lily Allen CD?!?!!!
Friday, November 10, 2006
The Three
Ed Bradley yesterday.
Jack Palance today.
Who's next?
(Ed and Jack, have a great time where ever you're headed.)
Jack Palance today.
Who's next?
(Ed and Jack, have a great time where ever you're headed.)
Eerie.
Make sure you check the date it was written before reading on.
The Onion's take on Our Long National Nightmare
(Pointed out by Drew.)
The Onion's take on Our Long National Nightmare
(Pointed out by Drew.)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Hollywood Officially Out Of Ideas
In exasperation, studio proposes to remake "The Women".
What more do you want!?! Aren't cinematic gems like Deck The Halls enough for the obviously discerning American viewing public? Now we have to remake everything under the sun?
Well, brain dead Hollywood execs, just try it and I'll paint my nails Jungle Red...all the better to claw Diane English's eyes out, darling.
The Promise
No, not the song by When In Rome (although snaps to you for thinking that). I've become rather obsessed with Lily Allen. I read her MySpace page, I listen to the songs I can get online all day, much to the frustration of my co-workers and my Safari, and when I'm not listening to them, I'm humming them. (Right now it's "LDN" making the endless loop.)
Yes, I've ordered her CD online and should receive it here shortly, but until then, I've promised to lay off the Lily until the CD's here. Then, all bets are off and I will resume the humming/listening/obsessing.
That is all.
Yes, I've ordered her CD online and should receive it here shortly, but until then, I've promised to lay off the Lily until the CD's here. Then, all bets are off and I will resume the humming/listening/obsessing.
That is all.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Forget The Elections
This is far more important. (And far more feasible than electing a person for 4 years and expecting them to actually get anything done in a government that rewards stupidity, wallet-padding, and abject disregard for the earth and its people.)
Britney drops the baggy-pants wearing loser like a hot potato.
Take that, government. It only took her 26 months to get that done. What positive change have you made in 26 months?
Britney drops the baggy-pants wearing loser like a hot potato.
Take that, government. It only took her 26 months to get that done. What positive change have you made in 26 months?
Sunday, November 05, 2006
HeyDanEvans
I'm coming to HellAy in a couple of weeks and want to see you. No more Flat Amy for you! (Not that you ever really had one, but maybe I can work something out on that front.)
Since I've never been there, I think a chicken/waffle whatsit trip is in order at the very least.
Since I've never been there, I think a chicken/waffle whatsit trip is in order at the very least.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Does Anyone Know Anyone Who's A Member Of...
The Fashion Spot
My office (ad agency with fashion clients) would like to get on, but you have to be invited. Any assistance out there?
My office (ad agency with fashion clients) would like to get on, but you have to be invited. Any assistance out there?
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I've Come To Accept A Few Truths In My Life
I accept that I will never have a nose as pretty as Jessica Stam's.
I accept that I will never marry Wil Wheaton.
I accept that my teenage life will not duplicate Sloane's from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (and I've just come to that realization).
I accept that people think leggings are okay as pants (although they're so very wrong).
I accept that, at this point, it's going to be rather difficult to become a marine biologist and a gerontologist in my lifetime.
And I had accepted that my other youthful crush - Neil Patrick Harris - was not playing on my team. But, his people say otherwise.
Does this mean that all my acceptances thus far are lies and that I'm actually the legging-clad, perfect-nosed wife of devil-may-care Ensign Crusher living on a research ship/retirement center? If so, someone pinch me.
I accept that I will never marry Wil Wheaton.
I accept that my teenage life will not duplicate Sloane's from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (and I've just come to that realization).
I accept that people think leggings are okay as pants (although they're so very wrong).
I accept that, at this point, it's going to be rather difficult to become a marine biologist and a gerontologist in my lifetime.
And I had accepted that my other youthful crush - Neil Patrick Harris - was not playing on my team. But, his people say otherwise.
Does this mean that all my acceptances thus far are lies and that I'm actually the legging-clad, perfect-nosed wife of devil-may-care Ensign Crusher living on a research ship/retirement center? If so, someone pinch me.
If She Can, I Can
Now I'm not related to my Halloween costume, but surely there are more talented singers in the world. Some of them were on that show with wall-eyed Brandy, that British guy, and the Hoff, for chrissakes. This is just an embarrassment for everyone involved and someday that little Lohan will grow up and be humiliated by her college roommate (if she even makes it that far educationally).
Enjoy your Lohan Holiday, if you dare
Enjoy your Lohan Holiday, if you dare
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Our Version of OK! Magazine
The office Halloween theme - overexposed celebrities. That's me as Lindsay Lohan, Wes as Owen Wilson, Tina as Courtney Love, Becca as Kate Hudson, Bethany as Britney Spears, Jamey as Dog the Bounty Hunter, Priya as Lil' Kim and the front row is Patrick as Generic Rapper and Jason as KFed.
I'm so proud.
I'm so proud.
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