I had a dream last night that I was shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue with Ben Affleck. And judging by the way we were acting, we were "a couple". Perhaps, like the Gwyneth dream, I'm astral projecting into Jennifer Garner and seeing how her half lives, but I wasn't knocked up and I looked like myself so there's a huge couple of differences.
He was trying things on and when he felt he looked spiffy, we'd do swing dancing flips. There was some horrible storm and we had to hide out in Saks and the power went out. After it was all clear, we had to run to the giant SUV in the pouring rain laughing and having a gay old time. And Matt Damon was there.
I was afraid to tell anyone so I'm blog purging.
I also had a dream that I went to the Chase Park Plaza and had a meeting about the Regional Emmys with two old ladies, my mom, and some creepy guy in a mask dressed like someone from Carnivale in Venice. Although it was summer and we were seated at a table outside, oddly next to the valet station, and I was wearing a suit, I was wrapped in a quilt and freezing.
Maybe it was the Vietnamese food, but please Morpheus, no more Affleck and masked weirdos.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Domestic Situations
I asked Henry last night if he thought my platelet donation entry was a wee bit obnoxious. He immediately said yes. I asked him if it made him want to donate platelets and beat me. He claimed he wanted to beat me with or without donating.
But then he said he was going to donate and get 450,000 platelets and beat me for REAL.
So, y'know. I know it's a bit emmerdant, but it made the H-dawg wanna fork over his veins and that's one more bag of platelets than before!
But then he said he was going to donate and get 450,000 platelets and beat me for REAL.
So, y'know. I know it's a bit emmerdant, but it made the H-dawg wanna fork over his veins and that's one more bag of platelets than before!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Better Than You
N'yah, n'yah. I'm better than you. I'm so much better than you. You have no idea how much better I am than you. You can't even see how much better I am, oh, but you can quantify it. Oh, yes you can. I'm so much better than you that you're probably too chicken to find out if you're better than me. I bet you are. I bet you are too chicken. You're more chicken than a girl who gets woozy when she gives blood. I'm so much better. Why? Oh, because my platelet count is 399. So what? Huh? That's 399,000, punks. That's like, way more than normal. That's like so much more than normal it's into awesome levels. Bottom of AVERAGE is 150,000. I'm totally above that. Peak is like 450,000 and I'm WAY closer to that. So, yeah, my platelets could pretty much take your platelets DOWN.
What? You don't know what your platelet count is? Well, I got an easy solution for you, brother. Go donate some platelets and then we'll see who's rockin' the platelet department, won't we? They'll tell you how many you've got in there and then they'll take some. But, it's no big because you'll get to lie in a comfy chair under cozy blankets and watch a movie and eat all the milk and cookies you can eat and they'll give 'em to really sick people who need 'em and you'll make 'em all back in 3 days anyway. So, then you'll know how many platelets you have and you'll know just how it feels to give something that takes so little and yields so much and when you do, email me and if your platelet count is higher than mine, I'll send you something. Yeah, you heard me. I'll concede defeat. I can be the bigger person here.
After all, this is just a flimsy sham to get you to donate platelets.
http://www.jlab.org/div_dept/admin/medical/platelet.html
So why don't you? It's easy. Really. And it's needed. Very. And I'll be so proud of you.
But I still bet my platelet count'll kick your platlet count's ass.
Bring. It. On.
What? You don't know what your platelet count is? Well, I got an easy solution for you, brother. Go donate some platelets and then we'll see who's rockin' the platelet department, won't we? They'll tell you how many you've got in there and then they'll take some. But, it's no big because you'll get to lie in a comfy chair under cozy blankets and watch a movie and eat all the milk and cookies you can eat and they'll give 'em to really sick people who need 'em and you'll make 'em all back in 3 days anyway. So, then you'll know how many platelets you have and you'll know just how it feels to give something that takes so little and yields so much and when you do, email me and if your platelet count is higher than mine, I'll send you something. Yeah, you heard me. I'll concede defeat. I can be the bigger person here.
After all, this is just a flimsy sham to get you to donate platelets.
http://www.jlab.org/div_dept/admin/medical/platelet.html
So why don't you? It's easy. Really. And it's needed. Very. And I'll be so proud of you.
But I still bet my platelet count'll kick your platlet count's ass.
Bring. It. On.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Open Letter to Fashion, Vol. 2
Dear Fashion,
I was devouring the distiller of your offerings - Lucky Magazine - last night and came across a large sampling of denim wares being demonstrated on models and described by your writers. Two things came to mind: 1. high waisted anything is ugly on anyone, even models and 2. capris? Still? Hasn't the flood already come and gone?
Let's think about point one, shall we? High waisted pants. And these were HIGH waisted pants. High like they should have girdle panels built in high. I know that a while back they were being tossed down runways like the solution to all our problems, but they made even the emaciated model look a little poochy. Looks aside, how does one sit in high waisted pants without feeling like their ribs are being pulled up, up, and away by the ridiculously high waistband? And how does one avoid the inevitable organ sag when one leans over? And what good are empire waist pants when one considers that empire waist dresses hide the belly flaws and this does nothing but accentuate them? These are mysteries that may never be solved, because I, for one, will never do the research necessary.
And now two. Capris are cute. Sure. They looked great with a little knockabout sweater and some ballet flats on Audrey Hepburn. I loved 'em on Gainsborough's Blue Boy. But there was a whole section in Lucky about capris with buttons fashioned to the knee area. Or bows. Or perhaps Velcro. Frankly, I don't know because I was too busy laughing at the model. These won't look good on anyone under 5'10" tall. Take note, girls. Most people I know are below that towering height and I better not catch you in these stump creating trousers or I'll lecture you from here to eternity on a long, lean line concept. And if you're buying a suit, it better have full length pants or a skirt. I don't care what season it is. Suits are dress items and fancy meeting items and should be treated as such. I should hope I never hear the phrase, "And look! These capris come with a blazer!" uttered. Nay, I pray I should ne'er hear such blasphemy.
So, there's some work to do in high fashion and department store outlets, Fashion. Let me know when you're nearly done and I'll check your progress.
L,
OAA
(with an extra dose of love for Merry)
I was devouring the distiller of your offerings - Lucky Magazine - last night and came across a large sampling of denim wares being demonstrated on models and described by your writers. Two things came to mind: 1. high waisted anything is ugly on anyone, even models and 2. capris? Still? Hasn't the flood already come and gone?
Let's think about point one, shall we? High waisted pants. And these were HIGH waisted pants. High like they should have girdle panels built in high. I know that a while back they were being tossed down runways like the solution to all our problems, but they made even the emaciated model look a little poochy. Looks aside, how does one sit in high waisted pants without feeling like their ribs are being pulled up, up, and away by the ridiculously high waistband? And how does one avoid the inevitable organ sag when one leans over? And what good are empire waist pants when one considers that empire waist dresses hide the belly flaws and this does nothing but accentuate them? These are mysteries that may never be solved, because I, for one, will never do the research necessary.
And now two. Capris are cute. Sure. They looked great with a little knockabout sweater and some ballet flats on Audrey Hepburn. I loved 'em on Gainsborough's Blue Boy. But there was a whole section in Lucky about capris with buttons fashioned to the knee area. Or bows. Or perhaps Velcro. Frankly, I don't know because I was too busy laughing at the model. These won't look good on anyone under 5'10" tall. Take note, girls. Most people I know are below that towering height and I better not catch you in these stump creating trousers or I'll lecture you from here to eternity on a long, lean line concept. And if you're buying a suit, it better have full length pants or a skirt. I don't care what season it is. Suits are dress items and fancy meeting items and should be treated as such. I should hope I never hear the phrase, "And look! These capris come with a blazer!" uttered. Nay, I pray I should ne'er hear such blasphemy.
So, there's some work to do in high fashion and department store outlets, Fashion. Let me know when you're nearly done and I'll check your progress.
L,
OAA
(with an extra dose of love for Merry)
Dolce & Gabbana
Happy belated, my sweet Wife.
Your card's around here somewhere, still unaddressed. But, no matter the day, the sentiment's the same - I thank the stars you're here on this earth and that you're my friend.
Love,
The Wife
Your card's around here somewhere, still unaddressed. But, no matter the day, the sentiment's the same - I thank the stars you're here on this earth and that you're my friend.
Love,
The Wife
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Open Letter to Fashion, Vol. 1
Dear Fashion Industry,
Some of us really aren't into the whole boho thing. Maybe it's because it looks sloppy, maybe it's because it comes around once every few months it seems, maybe because it looks like one dressed in the dark in a closet filled with mommy's old dress up clothes, but honestly, my mom threw that stuff out for a reason. Bring it back all you want, Sienna Miller, but it just don't work for me.
I believe that I am not alone on this one. I know that there are girls out there just wishing they could find things without "flounce" or "cheap lace" or "deconstructed hemlines". And there are options out there, sure. They're just a J.Crew catalog away, but sometimes J.Crew just doesn't cut it.
Case in point - handbags. If there's a handbag out there that covers all the bases - no contrast stitching, no garish logos, straps long enough to go on a shoulder, not Kate Spade, and not a hundred thousand dollars - I can't find it. It's times like these when I think I could try to embrace a hobo bag, but if I don't want to embrace a hobo, why would I embrace their bag? And J.Crew, my last ditch effort yields giant bags like the one I toted from Liz Claiborne when I was a sophmore in high school (which, darlings, was a very long time ago). I really didn't like that "big fat bag/little bitty handle" thing then and now I'm still not down with it.
Sigh. It's times like these when I wish for a lottery win so I can just have some Italian craftsman make what I want without the hassle of searching. So, fashion, step up. Remember that although we can pick through slouchy suede and wedge heels to find the classic grey flannel pumps, we still need something to put our crap in.
Thanks ever so,
OAA
Some of us really aren't into the whole boho thing. Maybe it's because it looks sloppy, maybe it's because it comes around once every few months it seems, maybe because it looks like one dressed in the dark in a closet filled with mommy's old dress up clothes, but honestly, my mom threw that stuff out for a reason. Bring it back all you want, Sienna Miller, but it just don't work for me.
I believe that I am not alone on this one. I know that there are girls out there just wishing they could find things without "flounce" or "cheap lace" or "deconstructed hemlines". And there are options out there, sure. They're just a J.Crew catalog away, but sometimes J.Crew just doesn't cut it.
Case in point - handbags. If there's a handbag out there that covers all the bases - no contrast stitching, no garish logos, straps long enough to go on a shoulder, not Kate Spade, and not a hundred thousand dollars - I can't find it. It's times like these when I think I could try to embrace a hobo bag, but if I don't want to embrace a hobo, why would I embrace their bag? And J.Crew, my last ditch effort yields giant bags like the one I toted from Liz Claiborne when I was a sophmore in high school (which, darlings, was a very long time ago). I really didn't like that "big fat bag/little bitty handle" thing then and now I'm still not down with it.
Sigh. It's times like these when I wish for a lottery win so I can just have some Italian craftsman make what I want without the hassle of searching. So, fashion, step up. Remember that although we can pick through slouchy suede and wedge heels to find the classic grey flannel pumps, we still need something to put our crap in.
Thanks ever so,
OAA
Thursday, July 14, 2005
The AMJE Song
One of my bosses at my soon-to-be-old job wrote this for me and, honestly, it was one of the best tributes I've ever received. If I weren't laughing so hard I would have cried. A lot of the jokes are inside, but it's still charming, even for those that don't know of my love for colored index cards.
The Amy Song
(sung to the tune of "The Patty Duke Show" theme)
Since Amy has worked at CPG
She's done it all from A to Z
She's written scripts and been on tape
Whipped our clients into shape
And made fun of me
Cause she's Amy - uniquely Elzie all the way.
One gal who's always stylish
Whether it's night or day.
Well, Amy adores ol' Steve LeResche
Proposal wrangling and idX
She's good at finding music cuts
But the 360 really drives her nuts
With it's sound effects.
But she's Amy, our wonderful Elzie and I've found
I'm gonna really miss her
Because she keeps food around.
She also adores an index card
Execs hold her in high regard
And when it comes to breakout rooms
Or finding US Bank costumes
She has really starred.
Still she's Amy - uniquely Elzie and you'll find
Although she's quirky and won't eat meat
The job she did will be hard to beat
I could lose my mind
'Cause Amy is one of a kind.
Thanks so much, Steve. I'll miss you.
The Amy Song
(sung to the tune of "The Patty Duke Show" theme)
Since Amy has worked at CPG
She's done it all from A to Z
She's written scripts and been on tape
Whipped our clients into shape
And made fun of me
Cause she's Amy - uniquely Elzie all the way.
One gal who's always stylish
Whether it's night or day.
Well, Amy adores ol' Steve LeResche
Proposal wrangling and idX
She's good at finding music cuts
But the 360 really drives her nuts
With it's sound effects.
But she's Amy, our wonderful Elzie and I've found
I'm gonna really miss her
Because she keeps food around.
She also adores an index card
Execs hold her in high regard
And when it comes to breakout rooms
Or finding US Bank costumes
She has really starred.
Still she's Amy - uniquely Elzie and you'll find
Although she's quirky and won't eat meat
The job she did will be hard to beat
I could lose my mind
'Cause Amy is one of a kind.
Thanks so much, Steve. I'll miss you.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Vow Of Silence - BROKEN!
I know I said that I was done with Jennifer Garner due to the whole Affliction she's recently contracted, but this little tidbit was irresistable:
//Still, alone in paradise was not a bad way to start a life together. After the two landed in the Turks and Caicos Islands, they went by boat to a home that, sources say, belongs to Bruce Willis. There, they were greeted by vases full of lilies and roses and platters of cheese and potato chips.//
from here
It's like a Smoove B column from The Onion: "Girl, once we are on the magical island, I will take you to luxuriate in the home of my friend, Bruce Willis. There will already be lilies and roses of many varieties available for your sniffing pleasure. It will be the most spectacular array of velvety flowers you have ever seen. Also, there will be potato chips."
What the hell? Potato chips? I'm so confused. I guess they really are just two regular kids gettin' hitched.
And I still think she's pretty.
//Still, alone in paradise was not a bad way to start a life together. After the two landed in the Turks and Caicos Islands, they went by boat to a home that, sources say, belongs to Bruce Willis. There, they were greeted by vases full of lilies and roses and platters of cheese and potato chips.//
from here
It's like a Smoove B column from The Onion: "Girl, once we are on the magical island, I will take you to luxuriate in the home of my friend, Bruce Willis. There will already be lilies and roses of many varieties available for your sniffing pleasure. It will be the most spectacular array of velvety flowers you have ever seen. Also, there will be potato chips."
What the hell? Potato chips? I'm so confused. I guess they really are just two regular kids gettin' hitched.
And I still think she's pretty.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Quick Little Bits
VALENTINO
I was thrown for a loop. I was so excited by the adorable, leg-tickling shoes and those stunning cream and brown numbers at the start that I somehow thought this would be the show of the season. But, unfortunately, the rest of the looks were somehow more offensive than 70's era drapes. Big, fat bows (yes, style.com, I know it's his "signature") looked out of date and old-fashioned and some of the dresses were...uh...hideous. So, I guess I'll have to settle for just two Ladies Who Lunch looks this season. Plus, I've got nowhere to wear 'em as his other looks have me craving a marathon of the first through fourth seasons of "That 70's Show".
ELIE SAAB
HE STARTED WITH LA MARIEE! HE STARTED WITH LA MARIEE! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PUT AN ACCENT OVER THAT FIRST E AND RIGHT NOW I'M TOO THROWN TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO LOOK!
Okay. He ended with Tiiu as la mariee again. (Still no accent. People, you're lucky I'm still breathing after that scare.) For those that perhaps aren't couture obsessed, "la mariee" is the bridal dress that goes as your last couture look. That's how it's done, people. But this Elie Saab character threw in two and I thought that Blahgerfeld had maybe tricked the poor bastard into thinking it went first or that Elie, not long in the world of haute, might have read the directions wrong. Nope. The rat just gave me palpitations for no reason.
He designs dresses for events like the Oscars. He does a pretty okay job. There were some pretty colors in there. I need to lie down.
GIVENCHY
The hair. Tamarin monkeys have better hair.
You'd have to be plum CRAZY not to love Givenchy!
I know she's like 6 feet tall, but when did Hana become surrealistically, almost menacingly tall. The garbage bag attire isn't helping.
I like the fact that this show, this show that cost oodles of money to create, this show that highlights dresses that cost oodles of money to buy, is being shown in a place where they couldn't even bother to take the extra stacked up chairs out of the room. Now that's classy.
All that being said, I kinda liked it.
MODEL NOTES:
It's sad when I think Alek Wek looks a bit too skinny and Karolina Kurkova is starting to look hippy. Alek was cute the way she was and there ain't nothing wrong with Karolina. Natasha Poly on the other hand...
And thanks to Valentino's copious use of the strapless dress, I was reminded that should I ever lose my fancy marble cheese cutter that I could just use a model's shoulder blades. Whew!
I was thrown for a loop. I was so excited by the adorable, leg-tickling shoes and those stunning cream and brown numbers at the start that I somehow thought this would be the show of the season. But, unfortunately, the rest of the looks were somehow more offensive than 70's era drapes. Big, fat bows (yes, style.com, I know it's his "signature") looked out of date and old-fashioned and some of the dresses were...uh...hideous. So, I guess I'll have to settle for just two Ladies Who Lunch looks this season. Plus, I've got nowhere to wear 'em as his other looks have me craving a marathon of the first through fourth seasons of "That 70's Show".
ELIE SAAB
HE STARTED WITH LA MARIEE! HE STARTED WITH LA MARIEE! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PUT AN ACCENT OVER THAT FIRST E AND RIGHT NOW I'M TOO THROWN TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO LOOK!
Okay. He ended with Tiiu as la mariee again. (Still no accent. People, you're lucky I'm still breathing after that scare.) For those that perhaps aren't couture obsessed, "la mariee" is the bridal dress that goes as your last couture look. That's how it's done, people. But this Elie Saab character threw in two and I thought that Blahgerfeld had maybe tricked the poor bastard into thinking it went first or that Elie, not long in the world of haute, might have read the directions wrong. Nope. The rat just gave me palpitations for no reason.
He designs dresses for events like the Oscars. He does a pretty okay job. There were some pretty colors in there. I need to lie down.
GIVENCHY
The hair. Tamarin monkeys have better hair.
You'd have to be plum CRAZY not to love Givenchy!
I know she's like 6 feet tall, but when did Hana become surrealistically, almost menacingly tall. The garbage bag attire isn't helping.
I like the fact that this show, this show that cost oodles of money to create, this show that highlights dresses that cost oodles of money to buy, is being shown in a place where they couldn't even bother to take the extra stacked up chairs out of the room. Now that's classy.
All that being said, I kinda liked it.
MODEL NOTES:
It's sad when I think Alek Wek looks a bit too skinny and Karolina Kurkova is starting to look hippy. Alek was cute the way she was and there ain't nothing wrong with Karolina. Natasha Poly on the other hand...
And thanks to Valentino's copious use of the strapless dress, I was reminded that should I ever lose my fancy marble cheese cutter that I could just use a model's shoulder blades. Whew!
Slagerfeld
Some people know my loathing of Karl Lagerfeld. I am sure the man is perfectly charming. I'm sure he's just a dear heart. I am sure that underneath that tanned, sunglassed, daintily fanned, starved-to-perfection frame squishes the liver of an okay guy. But I really just don't think he's that great of a designer.
Understandably, he's got a hard job. Coco Chanel's house is probably the best known of the haute couture world and so he's always got those camillas and Jackie O suits to live up to, but he seems to just alienate me each showing he's got and there must be a reason. And that reason's the clothes.
Last time, I thought my browser loaded a dress wrong - it was this two-tiered skirt nightmare that made the model look like she was hiding another of herself beneath the one that showed. Scary stuff, that. This time, he's back with "hidden luxury" (because obvious luxury is so passe). I think he tried this out on us with the dress Nicole "Fivehead" Kidman wore to the Met Costume Institute Ball. It looked plain from the exterior, but a mere flick showed that the interior was lined with silver sequins (I guess designed to match Herr Laggy's silver motorcycle gloves). Pretty? Certainly. And now he's got a whole collection of it! Coats lined with the same material as your suit! Fluffy confections that secretly house the same fabric as your ball gown! Oooh! Delicious!
Yawn.
As the collection droned on, I think I started to miss the hidden luxury because looks like this came up.
(So as not to overweigh my blog, I selected this look because it gave me two views - one of the dress and one of Wintour and Paltrow who we'll get to later.) The previous dress - a long black number with a rainbow of spangles cutting a swath straight down the middle was really...something. Then, this dress. With two pointy cat ears to cover "zee teets", it's one of those evening numbers that just sparkle! Wear it to a Gay Pride parade and be the belle of the ball! You go, girl!
But, for all the fun I was having making fun, I found myself actually liking a couple.
Yeah. They're pretty. Yeah. I'd like to have 'em. But this doesn't mean my resolve against Klager is fading. No sir! This time I just have to admit that one of his design assistants has a volume of talent! Ha HA!
And now back to Paltrow and Wintour. (Which sounds like some vaudeville act.) Wearing sunglasses at a fashion show is like wearing sunglasses at a movie. What the hell's the point? Who are you trying to impress? Everyone there knows you're there and most of them think they're better than you anyway. Plus, the colors, the fabrics, the details! How can they be seen accurately behind a pair of shaded lenses? Gwynnie, I know we've had a meeting of the subconscious mind lately, but you keep up these antics and I might have to resume the hate. Wintour, just get over Karl already.
Understandably, he's got a hard job. Coco Chanel's house is probably the best known of the haute couture world and so he's always got those camillas and Jackie O suits to live up to, but he seems to just alienate me each showing he's got and there must be a reason. And that reason's the clothes.
Last time, I thought my browser loaded a dress wrong - it was this two-tiered skirt nightmare that made the model look like she was hiding another of herself beneath the one that showed. Scary stuff, that. This time, he's back with "hidden luxury" (because obvious luxury is so passe). I think he tried this out on us with the dress Nicole "Fivehead" Kidman wore to the Met Costume Institute Ball. It looked plain from the exterior, but a mere flick showed that the interior was lined with silver sequins (I guess designed to match Herr Laggy's silver motorcycle gloves). Pretty? Certainly. And now he's got a whole collection of it! Coats lined with the same material as your suit! Fluffy confections that secretly house the same fabric as your ball gown! Oooh! Delicious!
Yawn.
As the collection droned on, I think I started to miss the hidden luxury because looks like this came up.
(So as not to overweigh my blog, I selected this look because it gave me two views - one of the dress and one of Wintour and Paltrow who we'll get to later.) The previous dress - a long black number with a rainbow of spangles cutting a swath straight down the middle was really...something. Then, this dress. With two pointy cat ears to cover "zee teets", it's one of those evening numbers that just sparkle! Wear it to a Gay Pride parade and be the belle of the ball! You go, girl! But, for all the fun I was having making fun, I found myself actually liking a couple.
Yeah. They're pretty. Yeah. I'd like to have 'em. But this doesn't mean my resolve against Klager is fading. No sir! This time I just have to admit that one of his design assistants has a volume of talent! Ha HA!
And now back to Paltrow and Wintour. (Which sounds like some vaudeville act.) Wearing sunglasses at a fashion show is like wearing sunglasses at a movie. What the hell's the point? Who are you trying to impress? Everyone there knows you're there and most of them think they're better than you anyway. Plus, the colors, the fabrics, the details! How can they be seen accurately behind a pair of shaded lenses? Gwynnie, I know we've had a meeting of the subconscious mind lately, but you keep up these antics and I might have to resume the hate. Wintour, just get over Karl already.
Gio Tracker
It's easy, really. When you're Armani, pretty much anything you send out there is liked. Why? Because it's simple, clean, minimalist, classy. But, that's kinda boring. There's only so many black satin halter dresses one can see in one's life before they all start to blur. And, frankly, that's how I feel about our little Giorgio. He's fantastic - please don't get me wrong - and if I were going to some fabulous occasion and had a fabulously fat wallet, you can be sure I'd be shopping his boutique, but live a little, man! We need more than just exquisite tailoring and timeless looks!
So, it's Gio's second time for couture and he delivered in the fancy dress department, 'natch. But there were some early daywear looks that called to mind a certain female welder from a certain flashy and dancy movie of the 80's.
Oh. My. God. I mean I know full well that Armani came to power with his costuming of that Richard Gere tour de force "American Gigolo" and that that flick was made at the very tippy tip of the 80's iceberg, but honestly. Ugh. And the rest of the daywear, if one can call satin pantsuits daywear, was just as 80's-tastic. Scary rosettes, pleated pants, and panne velvet all around. I was excited by the mention of padoga shoulders - remember that droolworthy, high-pitched look at YSL's Fall 04 RTW show? Swoon! - but these were more like tea houses than pagodas.
Fortunately, the show shifted to what we know and love about little Gio - fancy eveningwear. Nothing groundbreaking came down that runway, but there were some lovely looks. But 80's and minimalism aside, the thing that struck me most were the hats. Hats pasted to the sides of heads, hats with Sunday-go-to-meetin' curling feathers, "Bonnie and Clyde" beret hats, hats with rabbit ears.
These hats, far from seeming an afterthought, were placed just so on unsuspecting twigs and they were left to deal with the sight blocking obnoxiousness they wrought on the runway. I can only imagine some Botox-filled socialite darting out onto Madison Ave. trying to get to the Barneys cashmere sale when MON DIEU! Her Armani chapeau has blocked three lanes of traffic and she's knocked ass over tea kettle by a God's Love We Deliver van. Poor darling.
So, tracking Gio's second go-round, if you miss the 80's, attend a number of richly decorated evening galas, and are a reincarnated racehorse that favored blinders, this is your collection, darling!
So, it's Gio's second time for couture and he delivered in the fancy dress department, 'natch. But there were some early daywear looks that called to mind a certain female welder from a certain flashy and dancy movie of the 80's.
Oh. My. God. I mean I know full well that Armani came to power with his costuming of that Richard Gere tour de force "American Gigolo" and that that flick was made at the very tippy tip of the 80's iceberg, but honestly. Ugh. And the rest of the daywear, if one can call satin pantsuits daywear, was just as 80's-tastic. Scary rosettes, pleated pants, and panne velvet all around. I was excited by the mention of padoga shoulders - remember that droolworthy, high-pitched look at YSL's Fall 04 RTW show? Swoon! - but these were more like tea houses than pagodas.
Fortunately, the show shifted to what we know and love about little Gio - fancy eveningwear. Nothing groundbreaking came down that runway, but there were some lovely looks. But 80's and minimalism aside, the thing that struck me most were the hats. Hats pasted to the sides of heads, hats with Sunday-go-to-meetin' curling feathers, "Bonnie and Clyde" beret hats, hats with rabbit ears.
These hats, far from seeming an afterthought, were placed just so on unsuspecting twigs and they were left to deal with the sight blocking obnoxiousness they wrought on the runway. I can only imagine some Botox-filled socialite darting out onto Madison Ave. trying to get to the Barneys cashmere sale when MON DIEU! Her Armani chapeau has blocked three lanes of traffic and she's knocked ass over tea kettle by a God's Love We Deliver van. Poor darling.
So, tracking Gio's second go-round, if you miss the 80's, attend a number of richly decorated evening galas, and are a reincarnated racehorse that favored blinders, this is your collection, darling!
Monday, July 11, 2005
I'm Like A Bustle...
...just a little behind. (Oh, ha ha. Those fashion jokes slay me.)
I'm trying to catch up on the Couture shows from last week and for those completely uninterested in fashion, look away, darlings. Look away.
DIOR
For those that know, I am really not a Galliano fan. I just think that the high arched brow he's so fond of is a little unappealing and his over-the-top antics are just a little too overwrought - like a little boy trying to get mummy's attention - and his pencil thin moustache, strangely, makes me think of that Jimmy Buffet song. So, imagine my surprise when I found myself gasping at the Dior collection. But, it wasn't the clothes (we'll get to those later). It was SHALOM! LINDA! NAUGHTY NAOMI! KIRSTY! NADJA! (and eva and karolina - small font for those girls). If Christy had been there, I might have keeled out of my chair with dreams of the good old days. Sigh. But this isn't a model show, it's a fashion show (and there'll be more Shalom later) and Galliano is so fashionista.
It was, dare I say, not horrifying. Unappealing, mostly. There were some nice ideas there, albeit nice ideas someone had before, but then, as Hollywood shows us, if it's been done before, it's worth doing again. His pin cushion bracelets and dress form looks were cutely referential and the trip down Dior memory lane was fun, but what the hell was up with the yellow/green looks? Squished pinatas, user car dealer flags, and miles of chiffon aren't my idea of "a collection through-line" when the line is clearly drawn to the past. And what was up with the boobs? Was a page pulled from the Mariah Carey Airbrushing Manual because I know fo'sho that models ain't all that busty (Buswell, yes. Zimmerman, not so much.)? But, Mr. Pencil Thin Moustache, overall I tolerated it - which is certainly more than I could say for last time. So, keep on, you Beau Brummel! Perhaps next season I'll actually squeal at your designs! (Not likely.)
I'm trying to catch up on the Couture shows from last week and for those completely uninterested in fashion, look away, darlings. Look away.
DIOR
For those that know, I am really not a Galliano fan. I just think that the high arched brow he's so fond of is a little unappealing and his over-the-top antics are just a little too overwrought - like a little boy trying to get mummy's attention - and his pencil thin moustache, strangely, makes me think of that Jimmy Buffet song. So, imagine my surprise when I found myself gasping at the Dior collection. But, it wasn't the clothes (we'll get to those later). It was SHALOM! LINDA! NAUGHTY NAOMI! KIRSTY! NADJA! (and eva and karolina - small font for those girls). If Christy had been there, I might have keeled out of my chair with dreams of the good old days. Sigh. But this isn't a model show, it's a fashion show (and there'll be more Shalom later) and Galliano is so fashionista.
It was, dare I say, not horrifying. Unappealing, mostly. There were some nice ideas there, albeit nice ideas someone had before, but then, as Hollywood shows us, if it's been done before, it's worth doing again. His pin cushion bracelets and dress form looks were cutely referential and the trip down Dior memory lane was fun, but what the hell was up with the yellow/green looks? Squished pinatas, user car dealer flags, and miles of chiffon aren't my idea of "a collection through-line" when the line is clearly drawn to the past. And what was up with the boobs? Was a page pulled from the Mariah Carey Airbrushing Manual because I know fo'sho that models ain't all that busty (Buswell, yes. Zimmerman, not so much.)? But, Mr. Pencil Thin Moustache, overall I tolerated it - which is certainly more than I could say for last time. So, keep on, you Beau Brummel! Perhaps next season I'll actually squeal at your designs! (Not likely.)
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Hooch & Daddy-O Redux
www.hoochanddaddyo.com
It's back, it's audible, it's better than you remember! Come see the LAST EVER showing of "Hooch & Daddy-O", starring the likes of Drew Bell, Julie Layton, and all those poor 80's clad suckers on the link's start page. An apparently delicious band - Femme Fatality - will be playing, there'll be a movie, and...best part...you can DRINK during the SHOW. Brilliant, I tells ya. Brilliant.
Just follow the link, click the outdated poster, and you'll find all the lowdown. Or, just head to The Pageant and pick up tickets. They're a scant $10 and worth every penny. If you feel otherwise, I'll work off the difference by spouting off 10 cent words I like like deleterious and elemosynary.
It's back, it's audible, it's better than you remember! Come see the LAST EVER showing of "Hooch & Daddy-O", starring the likes of Drew Bell, Julie Layton, and all those poor 80's clad suckers on the link's start page. An apparently delicious band - Femme Fatality - will be playing, there'll be a movie, and...best part...you can DRINK during the SHOW. Brilliant, I tells ya. Brilliant.
Just follow the link, click the outdated poster, and you'll find all the lowdown. Or, just head to The Pageant and pick up tickets. They're a scant $10 and worth every penny. If you feel otherwise, I'll work off the difference by spouting off 10 cent words I like like deleterious and elemosynary.
She Giveth And She Taketh Away
This morning, on my way to work, I passed a sign outside a BBQ joint that read "pulled turkey". Pulled pork I've heard of. Pulled turkey? This is new. These thoughts then, obviously, led to me thinking about how hard it would be to actually BBQ a turkey. They're big. Really big. They're kinda hollow after being prepped and I'm no expert, but I think that might make heat conduction difficult. But then, I thought to myself, people BBQ chicken all the time. They just cut it up into BBQ sized pieces. But chickens are much smaller and they seem more compact - meat-wise. A turkey seems larger and flakier than a chicken. How big is a chicken vs. a turkey?
Now, while all this ridiculously idle brain chatter was taking place, I had turned into Forest Park and was getting ready to enjoy the scenery when what to my wondering eyes should appear to my left, but a wild turkey pecking the grass. A real live wild turkey. Maybe this is lost on you, but I thought this was the most magical thing that could ever take place. I'm thinking about the size of turkeys and voila. There's a turkey.
I thought long and hard on other things throughout the day, but nothing else magically appeared.
Maybe I'm trying too hard.
Now, while all this ridiculously idle brain chatter was taking place, I had turned into Forest Park and was getting ready to enjoy the scenery when what to my wondering eyes should appear to my left, but a wild turkey pecking the grass. A real live wild turkey. Maybe this is lost on you, but I thought this was the most magical thing that could ever take place. I'm thinking about the size of turkeys and voila. There's a turkey.
I thought long and hard on other things throughout the day, but nothing else magically appeared.
Maybe I'm trying too hard.
Okay, Blogger
I know I'm not nearly as tech savvy as everyone might think, but honestly, why, when I add in links in my template, don't they appear when I publish, but they DO APPEAR WHEN I PREVIEW IT? Do I have to leave little frosted cupcakes for the web gods? Are there some backslash magic words I have to mutter? Shall I write a kind note to Al Gore, the inventor?
The internerd - she is a double-edged pain in the ass.
Anyone have an answer a philistine like m'self can comprehend?
The internerd - she is a double-edged pain in the ass.
Anyone have an answer a philistine like m'self can comprehend?
Listen Carefully - The Answer Is Still No
Little Falls Christian Centre | Ice Breakers
You South Africans are sick! SICK! For your information, I did not die last night so better not be nobody answering "yes" in that game, dig?
You South Africans are sick! SICK! For your information, I did not die last night so better not be nobody answering "yes" in that game, dig?
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Things I Hate, Volume 2
Now, I definitely don't want this to turn into a list of things I hate. I really love a lot of things and I'll make that list some other time, but right now, thanks to the comments on the last list, I have more to add.
• Yes, Jon. Birds too early in the morning. Ugh. (There are some around my new house, but I don't mind them nearly as much as the dreaded grackle. Curse you, grackles!)
• Home Depot (but not the song "Homo Depot" sung by one Henry Abler). Seriously, we've done a number of comparison shops and Lowe's is consistently nicer, more helpful, friendlier, and all around sweeter. That wins me over. Plus, I really prefer blue.
• Sagging balloons. It's an eventuality, I know, but when I get a happy bee balloon, I want it to last forever. C'mon, science! Forget Saturn! Perma-inflated balloons is where it's at!
• The current Scientology fixation.
• The current Brad/Angelina obsession. (W Magazine? Were you off your nuts? That wasn't an issue. That was celebrity pandering and frankly, I'd rather see fashion. Yeah, I know it's gonna sell a bajillion copies, but really. Ugh.)
• Remakes. Christ! Is there not one person in the world with one original idea? Have they freakin' asked me? I got a few.
• Whatever the hell bit my left arm near the elbow 13 times.
• People who say things like, "Well, that's being a homeowner for you!" No shit, Sherlock.
• Old toilet seats.
• Perfume spraying ladies at department stores.
• The whenever-you-need-it-is-when-you-can't-find-it phenomenon.
• The guy who refinished my hardwood floors.
• E! Entertainment Television.
• That R.Kelly being trapped in the closet. Jesus. Get the hell out already.
• The youth of America for turning the word "party" into a verb.
• Yes, Jon. Birds too early in the morning. Ugh. (There are some around my new house, but I don't mind them nearly as much as the dreaded grackle. Curse you, grackles!)
• Home Depot (but not the song "Homo Depot" sung by one Henry Abler). Seriously, we've done a number of comparison shops and Lowe's is consistently nicer, more helpful, friendlier, and all around sweeter. That wins me over. Plus, I really prefer blue.
• Sagging balloons. It's an eventuality, I know, but when I get a happy bee balloon, I want it to last forever. C'mon, science! Forget Saturn! Perma-inflated balloons is where it's at!
• The current Scientology fixation.
• The current Brad/Angelina obsession. (W Magazine? Were you off your nuts? That wasn't an issue. That was celebrity pandering and frankly, I'd rather see fashion. Yeah, I know it's gonna sell a bajillion copies, but really. Ugh.)
• Remakes. Christ! Is there not one person in the world with one original idea? Have they freakin' asked me? I got a few.
• Whatever the hell bit my left arm near the elbow 13 times.
• People who say things like, "Well, that's being a homeowner for you!" No shit, Sherlock.
• Old toilet seats.
• Perfume spraying ladies at department stores.
• The whenever-you-need-it-is-when-you-can't-find-it phenomenon.
• The guy who refinished my hardwood floors.
• E! Entertainment Television.
• That R.Kelly being trapped in the closet. Jesus. Get the hell out already.
• The youth of America for turning the word "party" into a verb.
POODLE SWEATER
Anthropologie.com -
I know.
This is ridiculous. Absolutely RIDICULOUS. I could spend money on things far more logical and rational and far less...coral, but c'mon. I have a friend named Poodle. I HAD TO GET IT. It was like Anthropologie asked me, "Amy", they said, "Amy, what kind of whimsical sweater would you have to buy despite the fact that you just bought a house and need to refurbish 4 rooms in said house?" I might reply, "One with birds on it or perhaps one that has a map of the London Underground on it or...WAIT...one with pink poodles on it. Yeah. I'd have to buy that."
Screw you, Anthropologie bitches and your mind reading. What's next? An entire collection in emerald green and steel blue?
I know.
This is ridiculous. Absolutely RIDICULOUS. I could spend money on things far more logical and rational and far less...coral, but c'mon. I have a friend named Poodle. I HAD TO GET IT. It was like Anthropologie asked me, "Amy", they said, "Amy, what kind of whimsical sweater would you have to buy despite the fact that you just bought a house and need to refurbish 4 rooms in said house?" I might reply, "One with birds on it or perhaps one that has a map of the London Underground on it or...WAIT...one with pink poodles on it. Yeah. I'd have to buy that."
Screw you, Anthropologie bitches and your mind reading. What's next? An entire collection in emerald green and steel blue?
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