Open Letter to Fashion, Vol. 2

Dear Fashion,

I was devouring the distiller of your offerings - Lucky Magazine - last night and came across a large sampling of denim wares being demonstrated on models and described by your writers. Two things came to mind: 1. high waisted anything is ugly on anyone, even models and 2. capris? Still? Hasn't the flood already come and gone?

Let's think about point one, shall we? High waisted pants. And these were HIGH waisted pants. High like they should have girdle panels built in high. I know that a while back they were being tossed down runways like the solution to all our problems, but they made even the emaciated model look a little poochy. Looks aside, how does one sit in high waisted pants without feeling like their ribs are being pulled up, up, and away by the ridiculously high waistband? And how does one avoid the inevitable organ sag when one leans over? And what good are empire waist pants when one considers that empire waist dresses hide the belly flaws and this does nothing but accentuate them? These are mysteries that may never be solved, because I, for one, will never do the research necessary.

And now two. Capris are cute. Sure. They looked great with a little knockabout sweater and some ballet flats on Audrey Hepburn. I loved 'em on Gainsborough's Blue Boy. But there was a whole section in Lucky about capris with buttons fashioned to the knee area. Or bows. Or perhaps Velcro. Frankly, I don't know because I was too busy laughing at the model. These won't look good on anyone under 5'10" tall. Take note, girls. Most people I know are below that towering height and I better not catch you in these stump creating trousers or I'll lecture you from here to eternity on a long, lean line concept. And if you're buying a suit, it better have full length pants or a skirt. I don't care what season it is. Suits are dress items and fancy meeting items and should be treated as such. I should hope I never hear the phrase, "And look! These capris come with a blazer!" uttered. Nay, I pray I should ne'er hear such blasphemy.

So, there's some work to do in high fashion and department store outlets, Fashion. Let me know when you're nearly done and I'll check your progress.

L,
OAA

(with an extra dose of love for Merry)