I've been so filled with busy that I haven't had a second to think about all the things I hate in the world. And that's usually what happens. I think about all the things I really really really can't stand that that makes me feel a little better about the current situation. "I mean, at least I'm not surrounded by all these things I hate," I think to myself, and I can go on for another 10 to 15 minutes. So, just for future reference, in case I ever get this busy again and don't have time to make a list, I'm making one.
THINGS I HATE by Old Aunt Amy
• the phrase "more than the sum of its parts" (I can't even type it without cringing)
• silverfish (again, shiver)
• GW
• talking on the phone
• when people say things like "Oh, like you have to worry" when I talk about potentially not fitting into things or eating too much
• poor whistlers
• gum snappers
• bitches
• mean old people
• sun-heated steering wheels
• celery
• carrots
• Harley Davidson noise
• styrofoam
• aluminum foil
• people who could pull over and get out of your way but just sit there with their hazard lights on in the middle of the street
• when those same people act like you're the jackass for wanting to get by
• Shania Twain
There's more, but this is good for now.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Gravity Actually Makes Falling Off The Face Of The Earth Impossible
But, it seems plausible in the general parlance of the time (which seems odd as it's been ages since Newton got konked). Since I didn't in fact fall off the face of the Earth, what have I been doing? Work, "Glen or Glenda?" (final weekend this weekend - huzzah!), ripping up carpets, a brief stop at the Lit Society meeting, and approximately 2,000 other things that take up time. I had a minor meltdown on Tuesday night after realizing, yet again, there just aren't enough hours in the day and I'm mentally exhausted. Now, I'm back on track, but definitely not looking forward to packing up the apartment for the move to the caboose (I've started calling it that because...well...it looks like a caboose).
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Thank God It's Not Real
Clement's Amy Elz fan page
In what I can only assume is a hilarious attempt at humor, one Tom Carlson, RFT superstar, has thrown together something that might make my hair curl were it real.
Note to self: I really need to do some acting that doesn't involve terrified or nervous faces.
Tom, and Clement, thanks for the good hearty laugh. Y'all's great.
In what I can only assume is a hilarious attempt at humor, one Tom Carlson, RFT superstar, has thrown together something that might make my hair curl were it real.
Note to self: I really need to do some acting that doesn't involve terrified or nervous faces.
Tom, and Clement, thanks for the good hearty laugh. Y'all's great.
Friday, June 03, 2005
I Want It And I Don't Even Know How It Works
Nokia 7280 Phone
No. Really. I don't know how it works. And it's not the ads that got me interested. I saw it and couldn't figure out what the hell it was. I thought it might be some sort of spy camera, but Nokia branching out into the espionage industry seemed far-fetched. Now that I know it's a phone - and a spy camera, sorta - I really really really want it.
Really.
No. Really. I don't know how it works. And it's not the ads that got me interested. I saw it and couldn't figure out what the hell it was. I thought it might be some sort of spy camera, but Nokia branching out into the espionage industry seemed far-fetched. Now that I know it's a phone - and a spy camera, sorta - I really really really want it.
Really.
The Sound Of One Fan Clapping
robthurman.com: Elz Bells!
While looking for the Monkey's website (no, I don't have it bookmarked), I came across this. A postie by Rob Thurman, fellow SaintLooer, who I can apparently make giggle. How delightful! So to you, Rob, I hereby promise to make you giggle. Maybe even twice. Thanks for the spotlight on little ol' me. I'm mucho flattered.
Plus, for all of you out there in internerdland, Rob's tres amusant site's got photos of Dave and I in our full Monkey regalia. Obviously, Rob's way smarter than I when it comes to posting. (I'm still trying to figure out linking.)
While looking for the Monkey's website (no, I don't have it bookmarked), I came across this. A postie by Rob Thurman, fellow SaintLooer, who I can apparently make giggle. How delightful! So to you, Rob, I hereby promise to make you giggle. Maybe even twice. Thanks for the spotlight on little ol' me. I'm mucho flattered.
Plus, for all of you out there in internerdland, Rob's tres amusant site's got photos of Dave and I in our full Monkey regalia. Obviously, Rob's way smarter than I when it comes to posting. (I'm still trying to figure out linking.)
Another Opening, Another Show
Magic Smoking Monkey Theater
Ooooh! I'm all a-twitter! Tonight's the opening of the newest/oldest installment in the Magic Smoking Monkey canon - "Glen or Glenda? REDUX!" This time with even more innuendo! So, grab the kiddies, make your reservations, and come on down! You're about to see the only Ed Wood based play in town!
I'll be playing Sheila, Glen's sister, and a cavalcade of other wee bits. Plus, watch for me as a stampeding buffalo! (Hopefully, tonight I'll be able to find the exit.) There'll also be Julie Laytoning, Drew Belling, and even some Henry Ablering (he did the...well...I'll just keep that as a surprise for those attending)! It's only $15 and, of course, it will never snag. But beware, take care! You've only got two shows a night and three weekends so make your plans now! We can't keep this up forever!
Ooooh! I'm all a-twitter! Tonight's the opening of the newest/oldest installment in the Magic Smoking Monkey canon - "Glen or Glenda? REDUX!" This time with even more innuendo! So, grab the kiddies, make your reservations, and come on down! You're about to see the only Ed Wood based play in town!
I'll be playing Sheila, Glen's sister, and a cavalcade of other wee bits. Plus, watch for me as a stampeding buffalo! (Hopefully, tonight I'll be able to find the exit.) There'll also be Julie Laytoning, Drew Belling, and even some Henry Ablering (he did the...well...I'll just keep that as a surprise for those attending)! It's only $15 and, of course, it will never snag. But beware, take care! You've only got two shows a night and three weekends so make your plans now! We can't keep this up forever!
America's Next Top Bloggirl
Elyse Sewell
I am a backwards addict of "America's Next Top Model". I only catch it after it's all over and they're doing some day-long marathon on VH-1. But, despite my inability to remember there's a network called "UPN", much less where it is on my television, I still love the show. The girls! The tears! The Tyra Banks fivehead! I remember making fun of Catie from "Cycle 2" (I hate those little catchy things. It's a season people. A season.) when she had to get her hair cut really short and she cried. I remember rooting for near-blind Amanda on season 3 (when the poorly named Eva Pigford won). I still can't believe that the girls still freak when they see a snake or a spider they have to pose with. And I remember being totally smitten with the sassy snip Elyse from season 1.
Well, lo and behold, she's got a blog. (Who doesn't?) She just left Santiago, Chile and her posts and photos make it worth the click over there. She's cute, she's funny, she's smart, and she's traveling to places I can only dream of seeing right now. So, c'mon! Let's go see Elyse!
I am a backwards addict of "America's Next Top Model". I only catch it after it's all over and they're doing some day-long marathon on VH-1. But, despite my inability to remember there's a network called "UPN", much less where it is on my television, I still love the show. The girls! The tears! The Tyra Banks fivehead! I remember making fun of Catie from "Cycle 2" (I hate those little catchy things. It's a season people. A season.) when she had to get her hair cut really short and she cried. I remember rooting for near-blind Amanda on season 3 (when the poorly named Eva Pigford won). I still can't believe that the girls still freak when they see a snake or a spider they have to pose with. And I remember being totally smitten with the sassy snip Elyse from season 1.
Well, lo and behold, she's got a blog. (Who doesn't?) She just left Santiago, Chile and her posts and photos make it worth the click over there. She's cute, she's funny, she's smart, and she's traveling to places I can only dream of seeing right now. So, c'mon! Let's go see Elyse!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
If Only This Were A Job Interview
My darlingest Danielle posted me some interview questions over at her site (www.knottyyarn.com) that I'm all excited to answer and so, without further ado:
1. You have the choice to live anywhere in the world - where will it be and why?
This is one of those questions that can be answered in a billion different ways based on how I feel that day. Right now, today, at 11:19am, I really just want to move to Fiji and live in a little bure over the water with books and music. The reason being, I'm feeling a bit pulled right now and would really just like some lapping waves, some rum, and some time to be still.
Other locales that come up, depending on my stress level, are London, Wyoming, Florence, New Zealand, Cannon Beach, and Jamaica.
2. Gwyneth Paltrow and Renee Zelweg...Zelleweg..SKELETOR challenge you to a steel-cage match. Who do you pummel first and what illegal tools do you bring into the ring?
Well, since the dream, Paltrow gets the pass and I'm going after Skeletor first because I'd like to get that Drunkandsmirky smirk off her face and pry her squinty little eyes open. Required tools include: Super Glue, headphones and a Kenny Chesney CD on repeat, and a dozen Hardee's Thickburgers.
Then, after she was sufficiently de-smirked, I'd ask Gwyneth out for a beer and find out if all the things I assume about her are true. (If they are, she'll be back in the cage and my required tools will be all old Vogue Magazine interviews with her - edited to only include the obviously bitchy stuff, a bullhorn, another dozen Hardee's Thickburgers, a baby name book, and her Oscar and its acceptance speech because she deserves to be beaten with it while listening to her insipidness.)
3. Who is the most influential person for you?
The person that I usually think of is Mr. Wayne Loui, my theatre professor in college. There was one life-altering conversation that we had when I was a senior in college that really impressed upon me that this person was one of those people that I would, and could, never forget. I think of him now like people who've taken care of wild things must feel - they're out there and hopefully, every now and again, they think of you, but we had our time and it's best to leave it at that. (Not to sound fatalistic about the relationship. I'm sure Mr. Loui would be happy to hear from me. I just know that we could never go back to those long conversations in his little office that meant so much to me and it would be somehow disappointing.)
4. If you had one day to re-live, which day would you choose and why?
Gosh. One day. I would honestly be afraid to relive any days for fear that I'd somehow mess it up and then wreck the days that followed. But, if I really, truly had to pick one day, I suppose it'd be the day I managed to work my way into the rare book room at the New York Public Library to see a first edition of an Edith Wharton book, went to Tiffany's and got to try on wildly expensive jewelry with a sweetheart of an employee, went to Barney's to try on wildly expensive clothes courtesy of a sweetheart of an employee, and just had an all-around delightfully charming day. If I messed that up, I doubt it would really impact the days subsequent so I'll pick that one. A close runner-up would be any of the days Henry and I spent in Jamaica right by the ocean surrounded by beauty and sweetness. I doubt those could ever be wrecked.
5. What is your favorite way to spend a vacation?
You're hitting me hard with this one as I'm looking at my bank account and comparing it to the list of things to do to the house and am unable to see a vacation at any point in the near future - and I LOVE vacation.
There's two ways to spend a vacation - doing things counting on the fact that these people will never see you again, and doing things you just don't get to do at home. One involves a bit of daring, like maybe an accent that could be blown by someone you know or someone you've met, and the second involves a bit of daring too because it's hard to break the mold of work.
I like to immerse myself in where ever I am - go to local places, talk to regulars, get to know the real town or area. I really dislike touristy locales (although I love museums and churches and kitschy sites) so I'd rather dodge those in favor of really living with the people that really live there. To me, that's getting away from it all - becoming a part of another landscape and making it become a part of you.
And man, do I love answering questions. LOVE!
Thank you, Danielle.
1. You have the choice to live anywhere in the world - where will it be and why?
This is one of those questions that can be answered in a billion different ways based on how I feel that day. Right now, today, at 11:19am, I really just want to move to Fiji and live in a little bure over the water with books and music. The reason being, I'm feeling a bit pulled right now and would really just like some lapping waves, some rum, and some time to be still.
Other locales that come up, depending on my stress level, are London, Wyoming, Florence, New Zealand, Cannon Beach, and Jamaica.
2. Gwyneth Paltrow and Renee Zelweg...Zelleweg..SKELETOR challenge you to a steel-cage match. Who do you pummel first and what illegal tools do you bring into the ring?
Well, since the dream, Paltrow gets the pass and I'm going after Skeletor first because I'd like to get that Drunkandsmirky smirk off her face and pry her squinty little eyes open. Required tools include: Super Glue, headphones and a Kenny Chesney CD on repeat, and a dozen Hardee's Thickburgers.
Then, after she was sufficiently de-smirked, I'd ask Gwyneth out for a beer and find out if all the things I assume about her are true. (If they are, she'll be back in the cage and my required tools will be all old Vogue Magazine interviews with her - edited to only include the obviously bitchy stuff, a bullhorn, another dozen Hardee's Thickburgers, a baby name book, and her Oscar and its acceptance speech because she deserves to be beaten with it while listening to her insipidness.)
3. Who is the most influential person for you?
The person that I usually think of is Mr. Wayne Loui, my theatre professor in college. There was one life-altering conversation that we had when I was a senior in college that really impressed upon me that this person was one of those people that I would, and could, never forget. I think of him now like people who've taken care of wild things must feel - they're out there and hopefully, every now and again, they think of you, but we had our time and it's best to leave it at that. (Not to sound fatalistic about the relationship. I'm sure Mr. Loui would be happy to hear from me. I just know that we could never go back to those long conversations in his little office that meant so much to me and it would be somehow disappointing.)
4. If you had one day to re-live, which day would you choose and why?
Gosh. One day. I would honestly be afraid to relive any days for fear that I'd somehow mess it up and then wreck the days that followed. But, if I really, truly had to pick one day, I suppose it'd be the day I managed to work my way into the rare book room at the New York Public Library to see a first edition of an Edith Wharton book, went to Tiffany's and got to try on wildly expensive jewelry with a sweetheart of an employee, went to Barney's to try on wildly expensive clothes courtesy of a sweetheart of an employee, and just had an all-around delightfully charming day. If I messed that up, I doubt it would really impact the days subsequent so I'll pick that one. A close runner-up would be any of the days Henry and I spent in Jamaica right by the ocean surrounded by beauty and sweetness. I doubt those could ever be wrecked.
5. What is your favorite way to spend a vacation?
You're hitting me hard with this one as I'm looking at my bank account and comparing it to the list of things to do to the house and am unable to see a vacation at any point in the near future - and I LOVE vacation.
There's two ways to spend a vacation - doing things counting on the fact that these people will never see you again, and doing things you just don't get to do at home. One involves a bit of daring, like maybe an accent that could be blown by someone you know or someone you've met, and the second involves a bit of daring too because it's hard to break the mold of work.
I like to immerse myself in where ever I am - go to local places, talk to regulars, get to know the real town or area. I really dislike touristy locales (although I love museums and churches and kitschy sites) so I'd rather dodge those in favor of really living with the people that really live there. To me, that's getting away from it all - becoming a part of another landscape and making it become a part of you.
And man, do I love answering questions. LOVE!
Thank you, Danielle.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Someone Shake Me
Last night I had a dream that I was Gwyneth Paltrow. For those that know me, this is deeply disturbing since she is an anathema to all for which I stand. I woke up more horrified than I was after the dream I had in Tennessee in which I was surrounded by the dead of Opryland. I was there - with Apple in arms, Coldplay Shaggy nearby - and thinking about macrobiotic food and yoga and Stella McCartney and missing my dad. And it continued. It was as though I was really her. Then, I found the REAL her in another room - a room with a big, shiny, black piano. She was standing near the mantle and just watching as if this was an audition to be Gwyneth Paltrow and I was the next candidate. No one spoke to her or paid her any mind and even I, the dream Gwyneth Paltrow, saw her, but saw her as furniture - as if we'd had her stuffed and mounted there near the fireplace.
When I woke up, I was a bit surprised that I wasn't there in that house with Coldplay Shaggy and that wee babe. As I was brushing my teeth and thinking about what to wear, one of the ensembles I've seen her in came to mind as something I could toss on to wear to work. Even now, I have a hard time keeping "Yellow" out of my head.
I'm worried that someone's put some sort of voodoo curse on me and that I'm slowly melding with that which I've loathed for so long. But the plus side? I don't dislike her nearly as much now. Maybe my subconscious is helping me become more tolerant of Miss G. And you know, that's okay with me. I need more room to hate Renee Zellweger.
When I woke up, I was a bit surprised that I wasn't there in that house with Coldplay Shaggy and that wee babe. As I was brushing my teeth and thinking about what to wear, one of the ensembles I've seen her in came to mind as something I could toss on to wear to work. Even now, I have a hard time keeping "Yellow" out of my head.
I'm worried that someone's put some sort of voodoo curse on me and that I'm slowly melding with that which I've loathed for so long. But the plus side? I don't dislike her nearly as much now. Maybe my subconscious is helping me become more tolerant of Miss G. And you know, that's okay with me. I need more room to hate Renee Zellweger.
Don't Tell
PostSecret
Maybe I'm behind the internerd times, but I'm newly enthralled by this site.
Thanks, Miss Julie, for hepping me to it.
Maybe I'm behind the internerd times, but I'm newly enthralled by this site.
Thanks, Miss Julie, for hepping me to it.
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