Cultural Differences

We had White Trash Day in the office today to celebrate the holiday. This posed some problems to my Indian co-worker who had no idea what "white trash" was. When asked who she thought was more white trash - co-worker Jennifer or me - she picked Jennifer which resulted in a fit of giggles and mock outrage. When explained it wasn't just a state of mind, it was also a way of dressing, Priya revised her vote and selected me.

Here's the cute part. She googled "white trash" so she could find out what to wear. And, even after finding out it's "those people on Jerry Springer", she chose to accessorize with nothing more than a blue tye-dyed bucket hat while the rest of the gang showed up with mullet wigs, fake guts, and blacked out teeth.

And that's why I love Priya and our cultural differences.

Boo.

Happy Halloween!

Notes on OAA, Round 3

I worry that that winding down sound a plane makes as it nears the airport means its certain doom. Like lightning, I wait for the thunder to follow, but fortunately, no plane has ever fallen from the sky within earshot.

Caffeine and I are still at odds. Tea makes my heart race like a greyhound's, and yet, in an effort to make myself immune, I keep drinking it only to experience the same results.

I have become more and more fearful of spiders. Still not so afraid that it's rubber room time, but the fear is approaching s*****fish levels. (Still can't type that word. Even spelling it in my head while punching in asterisks makes me a wee bit queasy.)

My mailbox needs to have the sawdust removed from its lid. Maybe tomorrow.

Kelly Sue, I found your birthday card. Finally.

I have two photos taped to my computer - one of Abe Zelmanowitz and one of Carl Kasell from NPR.

I have an unhealthy addiction to Post-It notes.

I also have an unhealthy addiction to the Spinach & Artichoke Egg Soufflés from Panera Bread.

This evening I was caught waving at a dog.

Lip Venom is really just that. Venom. As in someone should have sucked it off my lips because of the burning. But, by golly it works. And it also cleared my sinuses for a bit.

If I were independently wealthy, I would occasionally check into hotels for a night, just to check 'em out. I'd have a little bag packed and ready in my trunk and would just pick a local hotel for an evening or two and spend the days exploring the neighborhood and spend the evenings ordering room service pie and taking baths just because I can.

Freedom Of Speech

I think a lot of the time I spend considering what to blog could be cut out if I could just convince myself that the 6 people that consistently occasionally look at my blog won't tell the others that don't what I've written about them. I feel confident that should I post things like my co-worker likes to lick toads, it will get back to him/her. (I have co-workers, but as far as I know, none of them are licking toads - unless that's why they spend so much time in the bathroom...) I just know that during some conversation my brother is going to blurt out to my semi-friend, "Amy thinks you're a complete moron and I read so on her blog." Naturally, this would never happen because although my brother likes to blog a lot more than I do, he isn't one to blurt, but still I censor myself.

What this means to you, dear reader, is that frequently I get the urge to tell you all the things that go on in this head and, perhaps wrongly...or perhaps wisely...I don't. But that doesn't mean I should keep everything from you. Just because I leave out things like my boss absolutely freaked the other day when he realized there was a new Madonna CD coming out doesn't mean I don't love you. Or the fact that I ran into someone the other night who, long ago, was a distant acquaintance at best, yet kept inexplicably insisting that he was now ready to have "relations" with me doesn't mean I don't think "this would make a great blog entry" as it's happening. Or when I learn new things - like the fact that the bar that I pass each and every day that I'm convinced is closed is actually quite open, but only starting at 11pm - I know I should share them, but still feel compelled to hide certain facts. And that's not all. There are hundreds of things I'd like to spill to the world of 6, but I figure that, for the security of my job and the sanctity of my personal life, I'll just leave that shit out.

But don't think this means that if you don't ask me directly that I won't spill the beans.

My On-going Terry O'Quinn Obsession

Seth, you hit the nail on the head. I wish it was LOCKE instead of LOST.

Just Leave It On The Phone When You Leave

I just did some voicemail announcements for a voice over client. I went to their office and spoke into their phone and did every greeting for their system in the client's office. And when I was leaving and thinking about dollar signs I said, "So...how do you want to do this?" which I knew sounded weird in my head and found out it sounded even weirder outside of it. Fortunately, he'd already had the cash ready.

I guess that makes me a voicemail whore. And yet, getting paid on an immediate basis is a hell of a lot better than waiting for a check.

Box Report

I didn't keep completely accurate records, but I've made mental notes for you, my darlings. Last Tuesday I flipped around for about 45 minutes. Wednesday is "Lost" night so I think we know I was doing something telly related. Post-"Lost" I stared at "Invasion" until I realized I wasn't interested and changed over to some documentary on PBS about schools. Thursday night my car inconveniently died so the tally's now at two eps of "Alias" missed, and as a result, no TV at all. Friday's total was zero, Saturday's total was about 48 minutes. That was accrued while I sat in front of the box until I realized I'd missed most of the Zoo show I like to watch (dang it!) and later when I discovered "Auntie Mame" on PBS. I tried to get into Jack Hanna's animal program on Sunday, but he's just such a putz. So, overall, considerably less than America. I don't think I deserve any awards though. I know that if I had cable I'd be watching some "Laguna Beach" marathon.

Things I discovered while watching - I love the Sprint commercial about abbreviations for sandwiches where two guys debate whether or not condiments should be represented in the BLT while a nuclear meltdown nearly occurs. Brilliant.

Signs Society Is Eroding

The first in a series of factoids that fully and inexorably illustrate the decline of our modern society. Some may be profound, some may be utterly frivolous, but people, profundity and frivolity are what make the world go round. Our first Sign Society Is Eroding:

Knocked up Kat(i)e Holmes.

The Wisdom Of The Ages

Thanks to Ben for assisting with my comment problem. What would I do without all of you out there?

(For those interested in the battle with the box, I'm on 7 real minutes. Yes, it was on at the gym and yes, I did half-watch some nonsense on VH1 but it was the worst celebrity dressing mistakes so I credit that as Natty Minx research and I did whole watch some bit that featured Abe Vigoda eating soup on the Food Network, but again, no hearing. My 7 minutes comes from sitting down, post-gym, and flipping through the channels where I came to rest on the horrible "Medium" and something on PBS.)

08:11:00 and Counting

From Gawker

• The average U.S. household watched 8 hours and 11 minutes of TV per day in 2004-05, setting a record. USA! USA! [Reuters]

Considering how much crap is on television, I can't believe this is seriously possible. So, as a challenge to myself, I'm going to see how much TV I watch this week and take my average. We'll see if I'm more or less box happy than America. Those interested in my personal rules should know this includes watching DVDs including my "Arrested Development" box set I got for my birthday from Henry, but does not include forced TV watching like the gym's ubiquitous TVs. If I can't get away from it, it definitely doesn't count. Plus, I'm not even listening to the claptrap. So, place your bets, you animals, and I'll post my results next Monday.

In other news, Priya just asked me if photos from my birthday will be around soon for viewing. I said they would be, but that Henry might like to touch them up. Priya said, "Make Amy less white?" I responded, "They don't make a honky filter for my level of whiteness." Just thought you might like a wee glimpse into today's activities.

Personal Injury Pirate Lawyer Ad Copy

Aargh.

If you lost your leg and they gave you a peg,
if your hand got took now you've got a hook,
if your eye met it's match and you're wearin' a patch,
call Brown & Brown.

I don't know the number. Look it up. Aargh.

Brown & Brown