First, wear white because everyone knows black is slimming and white, especially in pant and skinny cut skirt form, makes you look fatter. Score one for the Reverse Psychology team.
Second, make sure your dress has a tube attached for hiding the food you don't eat. This is a perfect example. You can now take a roll, slather it with butter, pretend to bring it up to your mouth, laugh a little too hard at someone's joke, turn to share your chuckle with your neighbor to fully distract, and slip that roll over your right shoulder and into your dress tube. Repeat. Then, when you have to go to the ladies' room, simply stand up and all those rolls just brush past your leg and onto the floor where you can just kick them under the table. It's perfect. It's like a cornucopia dumptruck.
Third, just keep telling everyone you're skinny because you just can't gain weight. It worked for Nicole, right?
(alternate concept: the tube is really just a fart vacuum.)
