La SAG

SAG Awards. What an unfortunate combination of words.

Naturally, this, on the Road to the OSCARS, is the most important to "actors". This is when their peers really get to do the picking. And oh, it's an award to treasure because the base on that monster could kill. But who cares about who won, really? The OSCARS suck each and every year and it's boring and pathetic and no one should care who wins or loses because, as we all know, what counts in a world of wars and poverty is what everyone is wearing. That's what matters, people. And so, the SAG Awards.

Remember Geena Davis? Well, she never could dress herself and the fact that she's now playing the President isn't really helping. (As we all know, being savvy, in any department, isn't really a requirement for that job.) So, here she is. A vision in her Tribute to Dominos gown made by a crafty pair of Jamaicans obviously high on the ganj.

Oh, double sixes.
But let's take a different view, shall we?

Yes, it looks like those strips of dominos are the only thing keeping us from seeing her SAG Awards.

While we're on the black & white tip, Reese was boring and Portia was blah. Reesey looks a bit like a flouncy kitchen valance and Portia, who we all know is a fox, just played down all the pretty and went with an old Laura Ashley gown circa 1989.


But Charlize? Holy macaroni. That's a look and a dress. She's no buxom lady and she doesn't look like a drape or me at my Junior Ring dance. She looks phine and that's better than fine 'cuz it's with a "ph", yo.

And another thing about Theron. She looks normal. Healthy. Pretty. Not sickly, skinny, wee a la that girl from that boring "doctors in relationships" show with the annoying voiceover diary entries. Proof? Here.

That dress has to have some sort of iron construction if it's staying up on that stick-figure-with-wig. I know we went through this with The Flockhart, but honestly, it's disgusting. Charlize, hands-down, is the only one whose photo you've seen in this post that you want to make out with because she's dressed well and looks like she could take it without her head snapping off her pencil-thin neck.

And there was more glamah and horror (Hathaway, I'm looking in your direction), but that's the SAGs in a nutshell. So, next up is the big one. Will Reese wear Chanel? Will Geena wear Pick-Up-Sticks? Only time will tell, darlings, but noms are out tomorrow and we'll soon know who to laugh at.