Sunday, March 05, 2006

Schmoscars

Robert Altman has turned into Colonel Sanders and the only thing that disappointed me about his speech was that he didn't reveal those eleven secret herbs and spices.

How did Michelle Williams get into the front row of the Oscars? Get back up about 20 aisles with the TV people you scammy little PR concoction.

Gyllenhaal, what, you couldn't shave?

Set Designers - Norma Desmond wants her bathroom back.

Ludacris, Jessica Alba, John Travolta - you'll never see those three names together again.

Keanu and Sandra next to each other? Are we in for a "Speed 3"!?! Fingers double crossed.

The Oscars were quite progressive. There were a lot of African Americans on stage. The sad part was that they had to do a "West Side Story"-esque dance number to a rap which must have been hard because there were a whole lot of "witches" jumpin' ship during that. The best part was whitey clappin' until they realized that "pimp" is now part of the Oscar canon.

Larry McMurtry, you're adorable in that "I don't really get out" way. But somewhere there's a bus boy at an Italian restaurant wishing you hadn't borrowed his tie. He got called in for the dinner shift.

Meta-awkward use of a movie line: Ang Lee telling Oscar "I wish I knew how to quit you." Now, everyone has to stop using it. (Thankfully.)

You say "Tuh-may-toe", Nicholson "Tuh-mah-toe"; you say "Cuh-poe-tee", Nicholson "Cuh-poe-tay"; Let's call the whole thing off.

Done before 10:30p and I only caught half of it. The only thing I'm mad I missed was more Stewart. And later, the FASHION!

2 comments:

Chris McLaren said...

Yes please, the fashion.

Also, yes on Michelle Williams. Although she's less PR-offensive than that other girl from Dawson's Creek over the last year.

Anonymous said...

"the FASHION!"

The world is a just and perfect place. You know I only love you for your snark.