The "Lost" finale commercials promised me answers to all my questions. Or at least some of them. And yet, my questions haven't even been addressed! Here are just a few of the mysteries keeping me up at night. (For those that haven't been paying attention this season, go pray the Spy Daddy prayer again and avoid this for it is rife with spoilers.)
1. Why hasn't anyone killed Michael? Sure, there's good reason for tribal retribution on his ass for killing Libby, but the death of Girlfight was warranted. Shootings aside, his endless "my boy" bull is so frustratingly obnoxious that I would have bumped him off just on repetitious principle. I'd pay anyone an American dollar for the two-fold task of counting the number of times he's said "my son" or "my boy" and then forgetting that that coincidentally happened to be the number of stab wounds he received during his mysterious murder.
2. In the beginning, there were giant dinosaurs or something bitey and rumbly that terrorized our darlings and ate pilots. Did that thing give up on a life of intimidation and move to New Jersey to settle down and have a family? Where did that thing go? And for that matter, did it take the polar bears with it?
3. If there are fake beards and spirit gum, why can the Others and the Lostaways just unite and put on a really ripping production of the "The Pirates of Penzance" or maybe a two-for-one night with "HMS Pinafore"? Put the shooty, glarey, kidnappy past behind them and unite in staging Gilbert & Sullivan's maritime light operas? This seems like such a more noble pursuit than sneaking around and now that that pesky button has finally not been pushed, there's plenty of time to rehearse!
4. What ever happened to "the sickness" that everyone apparently got back in the day? Too H5N1 for the writers? Too boring? Less boring than two guys trying to decide whether or not to push the return key on a Commodore 64? We may never know.
5. Black Rock. Pirate ship? Death site of a Hanso? Adam & Eve's accessory? An actual noirish geological formation? Would someone break it down to just one for me?
6. Who hired Michelle Rodriguez? She can't act. Seriously. She attended the Clint Eastwood Academy of the Dramatic Stare which is supposed to pass for elated, confused, mournful, and furious all without changing a facial muscle. The girl clearly graduated magna cum laude for the only time I thought she was really acting was when she was lying there motionless and I thought, "Oh hooray, she's dead.", and believed it to be true.
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5 comments:
I love you, OAA. And I read the Spy Daddy thing to Jim last night for a good laugh.
My new question for the rest of the summer - "what the fuck is happening with that FOOT?"
i love how sayid was only curious about the fact that the statue only had four toes...NOT THAT A PORTION OF A GIGANTIC STATUE WAS THERE AT ALL.
I need to re-watch the finale. I think I was too tired from moving when I tried to watch it so it didn't make much sense to me.
i'd like to know how vincent is holding up on a diet of mangos and coconuts.
come to think of it, is michael planning on making a pitstop to pick up the beloved pet of his "boy" before sailing off to the mainland?
my guess is no. that selfish bastard.
for the record, girlfight was a terrible movie.
You're right! Poor Vincent. Alone again, naturally.
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