Remember, It's Two Hours Behind Us

So we've returned. And to delight you, here are the highlights.

DAY ONE - COACH.
Flight at noonish cancelled after a long trek to a snowy/icy airport. Lines long as football fields make Henry a twitchy boy. After being diverted to a flight after the wedding on Saturday, the emergency Red Phone (not for launching nukes) gets us on a flight out that evening. Afternoon stuck in snowy St. Louis is spent taking photos of sky/trees and lunching followed by reparking, relining up, security, boarding, and flying.
Arrival at RIO Casino and Seventh Ring of Hell marked by the screaming of drunken harpies from the Midwest and a nearly mile long trek to our room in the Vomitorium Tower, the entry to which is randomly enforced by an armed security guard (I suppose to keep the drunken riff-raff limited to those with room keys. Such a relief.).
Return to the bowels of the harpies and satyrs for an $11 hamburger for Henry and distracted staring at the ugliest handbag I've ever seen for me. Endless reminders that Vegas isn't such a bad place, if you're staying at THEhotel.
Exhausted sleep ensues after discovering that the mirror/artwork on the wall doubles as a window to the shower.

DAY TWO - WEDDED BLISS!
Spago's egg salad sandwich is nowhere near as good as mine but dining in the Forum Shops is a surreal experience as I half expect nearly all of the decorations to come to life and regale me with tales of Roman times when faux pashmina was just $10 at the kiosk outside Louis Vuitton and Pete Rose signed autographs in the Sports Den on the second level.
Hooray for Jennifer and Kevin! Yes, Virginia, you can get married in Vegas without a drive-thru window! It was a lovely, perfectly brief ceremony filled with sweet words and happy faces. What more could one ask for?
Caesar's $11 Scotch was a good pre-ceremony warm up as the weather was windy and cold, but that didn't stop one misguided soul from splashing about in the pool.
Following the ceremony was milling during which Henry discovered the softness of James Perse and I realized that Vegas' Anthropologie may be the best in the nation. We both ran away from the "living statues" at breakneck speed and drank giant lemonades.
And then it was reception time (break it down). It was family style which, to be honest, was the perfect way to eat the 300lbs. of Asian food served to the group. Oh, flowing wine and water! Oh, cake brought in on a plane with delicately sparkling icing! Oh, don't make me eat mayo shrimp again!
Plus, Baby Ruth was located in the fish tank and appropriately fawned over by the bride and me.

Exhausted sleep ensues after visiting the cowboy casino and discovering where the cheap beer's been hiding.

DAY THREE - ADIOS, AMIGOS
Fran at Dollar Rent-a-Car is an angel straight from heaven and you get to PICK your car at Dollar. They don't make you take the stupid HHR. You can decide which car you want to spend the week with. No forcing! No, really! I can't recommend it enough and hereby swear to you, my six readers, that I will forever be loyal to the Dollar Rent-a-Car for as long as I can drive, or until they piss me off, whichever comes first.
After we pick out our rental car (greenish-grey Sebring convertible which I want now), we pack our ridiculous amounts of luggage into the back seat and head off for the dee-zert.
There's an exit called Zzyzx out there. Seriously. It's an exit and a street and a town called Zzyzx. Not nearly fast enough to take a photo but here's the wiki.
Drive, drive, drive.
Giant ravens in the dee-zert that I wanted to ensnare with shiny things and keep as pets which would not only be ill-advised, but might also cause a stir at The Standard.
Oh, The Standard! It was lovely. Don't believe the haters. We had a wonderful time there. But I'll get to that as it comes along.
First thing's first in LA - In-N-Out Burger for Henry! Now, I'm not a meat eater so I don't see what the fuss is all about, but I watched him eat two Double Doubles and an order of fries. If that's not love, I don't know what is. The grilled cheese (cheeseburger minus burger) wasn't the best I've ever had (Hardee's/Carl's Jalapeno Thickburger minus burger rules) and their fries, although I appreciate the freshness and all, tasted a wee bit like shoestring potatoes. The vanilla shake gets two thumbs, however.
Check in at the artsy-fartsy and everyone was such an absolute peach - not one iota of haughtiness - that I was immediately in love with The Standard. Although our room did have an odd scent, it was overcome with patio door opening and my travel candle. The platform bed was quite comfy and the bright orange tile was bracing. Only drawback was the fact that their toilet didn't have a lid and I'm a bit of a spiller.
Exhausted sleep ensues after marvelling at the Ignignot glowing billboard just across Sunset.

DAY FOUR - PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THE MCQUEEN
After breakfast at my favorite hotel (order the eggsadilla. Seriously.),

we headed to Skin + Bones at MOCA. First, there's architecture which is cool. Then there's fashion like this

which, I think we all know, is way better than anything Comme des Garcons ever put out there (yeah, the bumps dresses were incorporated). Don't worry, I bought the commemorative book. Come over and we'll bitch about the fact that there was far too much Toledo and Teng for my liking.
Gifts purchased, top down, we head off to meet David...

(Next time on Blogging OAA Style, tune in for the New Cars, Maliboo!, and Chanice Kobolowski.)